Why Should It Matter?
by sweetfrv
Summary: Starts right before sixth year. Harry has a lot of issues, who will be there for him to turn to? Rating may go up later.. RR Please (Will be HHr) Warning.. DARK FIC.. (INCLUDES CUTTING AND SUCH)
1. Chapter One: The Dark Days of Summer

Why Should It Matter?

Disclaimer: Don't own it

Here is my story.. I hope that you like it.

Read and Review no matter what you think about it.

Chapter One: The Dark Days of Summer

The small room existed in pure darkness. The wind blew merciless outside the opened window. Shadows crept closer to the person that laid the bed in the middle of the room. Pain circulated through the memories that whispered harshly into the bedroom. Everything was becoming blurry without a true purpose. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. The hurt was the only thing that recurred. Darkness and lightness passed day after day through the cracked curtains, but this didn't matter either. Why should it matter, life slowly lost its purpose. As the young man wasted away physically, he also did so mentally. Each day, losing more nerve, only being able to feel passionate hate. The boy loathed almost everyone and anyone he had ever come in contact with. Most importantly, he hated himself for how he truly messed up everything. If only's came to mind as he reflected through everything that happened to him. If only he had listened, if only he hadn't jumped to conclusions.

But unfortunately, he had.

Now Harry Potter laid on his bed, barely aware of anything but the everlasting confusion and pain that radiated blindly. Truth be told, it was his fault that Sirius was dead. His fault that everything was crumbling down around him. His fault that everything was so unimportant. Harry didn't care if the sun rose, set, or exploded. He thought that maybe if he pretended to not live, he would get his wish.

Ever since he arrived at Privet Drive that summer, Harry shunned himself from everyone; only leaving his bedroom when yelled at by the Dursleys', mainly his uncle. There was no point in leaving his bedroom, every time that he did, something horrible happened. Harry just wanted to be left alone. He didn't want to have all the responsibilities that were placed upon him to exist. He simply didn't want to have the responsibility of saving everyone from Voldemort. He couldn't honestly understand the point? After Voldemort's defeated, someone else would come to power, being more cunning and vicious than the current Dark Lord.

Did anyone ever wonder what would happen if he didn't want to be the good guy or even save the world that surrounded them? Would they all hide or maybe even crumble down and die? It seemed like the world had to revolve around his life. And to the wizards and witches, his sole purpose was to murder Voldemort.

"Why does everything and everyone have to depend on me?" Harry asked the shadows that danced playfully on the bedroom walls. Of course, there wasn't an answer, just the continuous blowing of the manic wind outside. Harry winced as he gingerly touched his cheek which was covered in bruises. That was another thing that started happening more consistently over the summer. His Uncle Vernon now smacked him anytime he turned around. Before the occasional beatings were expected, but now it they had escalated. Anything that Harry did that wasn't pleasing, Vernon would smack, kick, punch, push, or anything else to injure him. The threats that the Order of Phoenix members made, seemed to only enrage his uncle more. No 'weirdoes and freaks' were going to threaten him and he basically took all of his anger out on Harry. The beatings usually occurred when his aunt and cousin were gone, but he doubted that they would care anyway. Harry loathed his uncle with a great passion, probably more than he hated most people. The injuries that he was inflicting upon Harry was not helping his situation any; it was probably making everything one hundred times worse.

"POTTER!" Harry heard his uncle scream his name from downstairs. The sixteen-year-old willed himself to move off his bed and downstairs, even though, he was positive that he was going to get beaten until he had no energy whatsoever. As Harry walked, his arms hung loosely at his sides from his lack of strength. His body hunched over, aching all over. Once he reached the bottom of the staircase, Harry saw Remus Lupin standing beside Uncle Vernon. He saw the man's reaction, pure shock encircled his eyes.

"Harry, let's get your things. You aren't staying here any longer this summer." Lupin said, still staring at Harry. A small hope rose in Harry's body, he would get out of there. _'Not that it much matters. Everything that happened can't be reversed!'_ Harry thought angrily.

"HE ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE!" Vernon bellowed out, grabbing Harry by the arm, jerking his nephew's aching body around. Pain throbbed through Harry's entire body, making him wish that he would pass out.

"Let Harry go!" Lupin began to raise his voice, something that he rarely ever did. Vernon stared at him angrily. He pointed one of his pudgy fingers in Lupin's face.

"You aren't taking his boy, you freak!" Vernon's temper was definitely getting the better of him. He threw Harry down to the ground, only injuring Harry more than he already was.

"OW!" Harry screamed as his thin, fragile body hit the hard wooden floors. That wasn't the first time his body had collided with the floors of the Dursleys' house. The pain that Harry had been feeling only multiplied more with his body's interaction with the floor.

"I hate do this, but you left me no choice." Lupin pulled his wand out and chanted _'Stupefy'_, leaving Vernon instantly stunned. His large body fell backward, hitting the ground with a loud thump. As soon as Lupin was finished, he rushed over to Harry. He gasped as he saw Harry condition, seeing that it was worse than it first looked. Large bruises seemed to be everywhere, as well as small cuts.

He tried to help the boy up, only causing him to yell out in pain. "Harry, where are your things?" Lupin asked as softly as he possibly could. Harry looked up at the older wizard, looking extremely faint.

"In the small bedroom. Everything is already in my trunk." He managed to get out, struggling with each and every syllable. Speak, moving, or even being conscious was becoming awfully painful.

"All right. I'm going to retrieve your things then we'll get out of here." Lupin said to the paled boy, who was barely alert. Lupin ran up the stairs quickly, wanting to get Harry out as quickly as possible. Harry was injured and he needed to get to a safe place. Lupin ran to the small room. It looked like no one inhabited it. Nothing was out of place, everything looked so perfect. Lupin shrugged and levitated Harry's trunk and Hedwig's cage, who was squawking unpleasantly in her cage. He ran out of the smallest bedroom and down the stairs with Harry's things floating behind him. He got to the main floor, finding Harry trembling wildly. Lupin walked over to Harry quickly and kneeled down beside the injured boy. Harry was definitely in no condition to fly his broom— which was shrunk to fit inside his trunk— so Lupin figured that he was going to have to apparate with Harry. He grabbed onto Harry and Harry's possessions before apparating far away from Privet Drive.

sweetfrv


	2. Chapter Two: Cracking Under Pressure

Why Should It Matter?

Disclaimer: Don't own it

Read and Review no matter what you think about it.

Thank you to all that have read it so far :-)

Chapter Two: Cracking Under Pressure

Remus sat in Harry's room, not moving nor thinking. He was simply stunned on why Harry hadn't tried to reach them; after all, Hedwig was right in the bedroom with him. There seemed as if there was no excuse, but he would soon find out why. It was nearly twelve hours since he had taken Harry out his aunt and uncle's house. Remus didn't sleep at all, believing that Harry might need him. The werewolf sat still, thinking about everything that had happened since June and even what happened in June on that life-changing day. The day where Harry was ripped apart, the day Harry lost his godfather. That was also the day Remus lost his last best friend. Remus couldn't help but feel like there was a gaping hole in his heart; he was basically alone. There was always Harry to remind him of his best friends, but it wasn't the same. Now, he needed to take care of Harry, no matter what the consequences might be.

"The problem is I've already failed you. I should have come earlier to get you, not wait until after your birthday." Remus said quietly to the sleeping Harry, whose face was stricken with pain. A gentle knock came and Remus averted his attention to the door. It opened slowly and Hermione walked in. The female Gryffindor had already been in the room several times, showing great concern for Harry's overall welfare. Hermione was the only one that was coming to give Remus company during the night.

"I see he's still sleeping," she said softly to the werewolf, who sat quietly at the bedside. Remus nodded. Hermione could see the doubt on his face. "Remus, he's going to be fine. You don't need to worry so much."

"I know he'll be fine, but I should have gotten him sooner." There was great amount of guilt looming inside of the former Professor. He kept putting off the day that he went to get Harry.

"You can't blame yourself, you had no way to know that this was happening to him," said Hermione, who sat in the chair next to Remus.

"So, then you're saying that we should blame Harry for everything that happened?" Remus said, lost in a deep daze. Hermione stared at him incredulously, but she ignored what he actually said, deciding that he wasn't thinking clearly.

"No, we don't blame Harry; we blame his uncle and aunt for the things that happened. None of us are to blame for the events that happened to Harry." Hermione said quietly, trying hard not to raise her voice. She didn't want to wake Harry, he looked like he needed to sleep for a hundred years and that might not be enough. Even though she didn't say it, there was one person in Hermione's opinion, who should've taken a partial blame for the things that happened to Harry. Dumbledore seemed to have started to care less about Harry. Hermione could see the lack of concern, or was that another cover to hide numerous things. It appeared as if Dumbledore always had something up his sleeve, regardless of who it would hurt. She remembered when Dumbledore told them about the prophecy. They were all sworn not to mention that they knew of it to Harry, but it made Hermione furious. Dumbledore should have warned him, but now it was too late. The damage was done and nothing was going to fix that.

Hermione glanced at Remus with a look of worry about her. Harry was the last thing that the werewolf had. A gentle moaning came from Harry, who began to stir. His green eyes, which seemed to have lost their brilliance, flickered open.

Once Harry saw Remus and Hermione, he re-closed his eyes. Bitter emotions flooded his heart, all wishing that he would have died the night before. So many things flowed through his mind. None of them were joyful for the fact that he was alive. What was the point in living?

Hermione immediately noticed the way Harry was acting; it was odd in her opinion.

There was a definite difference in the-boy-who-lived, something that Hermione sensed as something deeper than bruised skin. She wanted to talk to him by herself, but the chance of Remus ever letting him out of his sight was slim to none. Hermione didn't want to bring anything up. Although, Harry's behavior was slightly dodgy, the fact that Harry's eyes had opened seemed to have restored Remus' common sense. She would keep quiet on the matter until she could speak to Harry.

Harry opened his eyes, keeping them open this time. Hermione looked into his eyes and saw nothing. No love, no feelings, just a blank, dead pair of eyes. When she looked closer, she could see faint strands of anger and fear, but other than that, Harry was nothing. Hermione could see him trying to attempt to smile for her and Remus's sake, but it wasn't in him. Certain emotions didn't exist and Hermione was aching to know why. The silence that was in bedroom continued to intensify with seconds ticking away as if they were years. That was the way the three stayed until loud noise was heard from outside of the bedroom door.

Harry groaned, throwing his hands over his face.

"I'm going to check out what that noise was." Remus said, standing up and walking over to the door. He left Hermione and Harry alone in the room.

"I thought that he would never leave," Harry said bitterly. Hermione was positive from that point that Harry was someone different, definitely not the same person that had departed from King Cross Station in June.

"I'm sure that if you tell him you want some alone time, he will leave you alone." Hermione said quietly, after thinking of what she should actually say.

"That would hurt his feelings; I can't stand to see grown men cry." Harry paused before continuing. "I mean, I am grateful that he came for me, but I don't want to be bugged about everything, every damn time I wake up." Hermione nodded, understanding what Harry meant. _Who would want that?_

"Do you want me to go? I could tell Remus that you want some alone time." Hermione really didn't want to be burden upon Harry.

"No, you can stay." There was a simple innocence in his voice, the voice of someone lost.

'_Go figure, Harry was finally lost.'_ She continued to study him before he spoke again.

"I just don't know anymore." There was definitely a lack of emotion in his voice. "Many people are depending on me to do so many things. Save the wizarding world, Harry. Kill Voldemort, Harry. You aren't trying hard enough, Harry. Everything revolves around me. Everyone wants me to do everything. What if I don't want to? What if I just want to leave? No one cares about me, only if I save the world. I just can't handle it anymore. Hermione, I'm going to lose it." He was trembling, breaking under the weight of the world that everyone was expecting him to save. Hermione got off of her chair and sat down beside Harry on the bed. He plopped his head down on her shoulder. She wrapped her arm around his shoulders, having him jump slightly from her gentle touch.

"Sorry about that," Hermione said soothingly, still trying to comfort her best friend.

"It's okay." His voice quivered, almost as if he was going to cry. Seeing Harry like this broke her heart. Having him so vulnerable made Hermione feel for him. The one who was constantly strong was breaking down and there seemed to be no way to stop it. "Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"I want the pain to end. I want everything to fine again, but I'm thinking that it never will. For once, I want to be normal and not have all of this agony flowing through my body. I hate feeling so defenseless, so unable to fix everything that's wrong. Is that too much to ask?"

"No, it isn't," Hermione said quietly. There was a desperate feeling growing inside of Hermione, she wanted to fix his problems. Harry was her best friend and she wanted to be able help with what he was going through. Although she didn't know how that was going to happen, Hermione was dead set on helping him. Tears began to bead up in her eyes. Everything was overwhelming in this situation.

Harry sighed, trembling slightly. "Sometimes, I just wish I would have died as a baby. Screw it all. I just wish that Voldemort's _Avada Kedavra_ would have killed me." With that, tears escaped his depressing green eyes.

"Oh Harry." That was probably the most negative thing that Hermione had ever heard in her entire life. She gently pulled him into a hug making sure not to aggravate his injuries. "I'm glad that you lived all those years ago. You're my best friend and without you, life would have been extremely dull." He laughed lightly.

"Yeah and less dangerous."

"Well, with danger came fun." He laughed a bit harder that time. "Yes Harry, it was fun getting chased by Death Eaters and almost get killed by a chess set."

"Thanks, Hermione. I really needed some laughter." He said as he pulled away from her. A small smile laid upon his lips, something that Hermione was waiting to see.

"Your welcome, Harry. Remember, if you ever need to talk, know that I'm here for you. I won't tell anyone anything." He nodded, staring deeply into Hermione's eyes.

He could feel her warmth flow into his own cold eyes. He wiped the tears from his cheeks before lying down on the bed. "I know. You're a great friend, Hermione. What would I do without you?"

"Most likely fail Hogwarts," she smiled sarcastically at his reaction.

"Yeah, true." He said, closing his eyes. Hermione began to run her hand through his hair, feeling how soft it actually was. A sweet smile spread across Harry's lips.

"I haven't had anyone ever do that," he said in a sleepy voice. "Feels nice." Hermione blushed slightly and stopped. "No, don't stop. It's helping me fall asleep, I need to sleep. I just feel weak." His random babbling continued on quietly.

"Okay. You look like you need to sleep like a month." Harry nodded, coughing slightly.

"Yes, I really do."

"Shh . . ." She said softly, trying to get her best friend to go to sleep. Hermione always felt like the mother out of the group of her friends; always making sure that no one ever got hurt. The Gryffindor felt like it was her duty. When she heard Harry snoring lightly, she got off of the bed and walked over to the door. There was no need for anyone to watch Harry sleep; he was going to be all right in the end, even if the end wasn't for a long time.

Hermione walked into the kitchen to find Remus drinking a cup of coffee. She sat across from him, laying her head down on the table.

"I figured that I would give you some time to talk to him." Remus said, looking over at Hermione. She looked up at him. "After all, it didn't seem like he wanted to talk to me very much." With his strong perceptive skills, he had picked up Harry's feelings toward him. Hermione tried to think of something to say, but the words didn't sound right.

"It wasn't so much that he didn't, Remus. He just wanted some alone time. Harry isn't himself at the moment. He needs to time to straighten things out, without people constantly watching him." Hermione said softly, hoping that another soul would not hear her.

"However, he did talk to you." Remus said in a slightly disappointed voice. "Can you tell me why he chose you over me?"

"I don't know, maybe it has to do with the fact that I am someone his age. Also maybe because I am his best friend and you are an adult."

"Could be," Remus said, before picking up the Daily Prophet. He began to scan the pages and ignoring Hermione, so she walked away from the table and up to Ron's room. She knocked lightly on the door, just in case he wasn't awake yet.

"Come in." Ron's voice sounded unusually chipper that morning, but Hermione simply shrugged it off. She walked in and closed the door behind her.

"Good morning."

"How's Harry doing?" Ron asked as Hermione sat down beside him. She honestly was getting quite tired with Ron already this summer. She could have said, ask him yourself, but she didn't feel like being rude to Ron. But yet again, she didn't know what to tell him. What could she possible say? _'Ron, Harry has gone mental and wants to die.'_

"I don't know how to explain this." She took a deep breath before telling Ron what she thought she should. "Ron, Harry is quite depressed; he is going to need some time alone. With those beatings and losing Sirius, he's extremely lost."

"Do you think he is going to be okay?"

"He will in time, but right now, he is extremely depressed." Ron nodded, knowing what Hermione was talking about. "There are so many things that he is going to have to deal with. And we are going to have to be there for him, whether he knows it or not."

sweetfrv


	3. Chapter Three: The Illness

Why Should It Matter?

Disclaimer: Don't own it

Read and Review no matter what you think about it.

Thanks you to all that have read it so far :-)

Chapter Three: The Illness

The ceiling was beginning to become boring. No decorations to lighten the mood and no window to let sun shine through. This room differed greatly from the one on Privet Drive. Harry shivered when he thought about those two words. The things that occurred in that house brought him only misery. The beatings, the pushing and shoving, and the abuse. It was enough to make him sleepless at night and it did. He didn't want to remember the things that happened to him. He didn't even want to be alive. Regardless of how many people told him that things would be all right, he knew in his heart that they wouldn't. He heard a gentle rapping at his door. The person on the other side of the door opened it and entered.

"I figured that you might want some company." Hermione said as she closed the door behind her. She smiled widely as she walked over to his bed. She was the only one that Harry didn't mind seeing once in a while. She sat down in a chair that was beside his bed.

"Yeah, staring at the ceiling was becoming quite dull." Hermione laughed softly. It was a gentle laugh that could calm Harry even in the most dangerous situations. "You don't expect me to tell you anything about what happened, do you?" Harry asked after they had sat in silence for about five minutes. It seemed like Hermione was waiting for him to explode.

"No, I'm not going to make you talk about anything that you're not ready to talk about." She pushed her bushy hair out of her eyes. Harry stared at her gratefully; he didn't want to talk about the Dursleys' or Privet Drive.

"What should we talk about then?"

"I don't know." For a reason she couldn't explain, Hermione was feeling sort of shy or even embarrassed talking to Harry. She couldn't really explain her feelings or emotions at that point in time.

Harry smirked in her direction, knowing that Hermione really wanted to talk about what happened earlier in that summer, but Harry couldn't push himself to doing it. What he told her before was purely from stress, not from actually wanting to tell her. However, it made him feel better. "I know that you want to talk about what happened this summer."

"But, as I said, I won't talk about something that's going to hurt you." Harry smiled at Hermione once again; he loved how she understood him. He got a closer look at his best friend. He saw subtle changes in her face that made her more beautiful and mature looking than previously. No longer was Hermione that young girl that came to Hogwarts, she was now officially a young woman, nearing womanhood. He smirked as he looked away, knowing that she noticed him staring. Harry felt odd. He wanted to die, but didn't want to. He wanted to give up, but something was making him stay there.

"It was really bad. My uncle really didn't take kindly to Moody and the rest of the order saying those things to him. He doesn't like to get threatened by our people. This, in the end, made my situation worse." Harry paused, pushing back the lump that was beginning to form in his throat. "He would hit and beat me, or anything else that would inflict pain upon me. But I didn't care anymore. My uncle could beat me and I would continue on believing I deserved my punishment. Anytime he slugged me, I deserved it only because I've caused everyone, including myself, a great deal of pain." He grimaced, placing his right hand upon his aching scar. With his eyes closed tightly, Harry laid back on the bed. "And this damn thing has been hurting more and more lately. With everything that has been going on, my scar has to be the cherry on top."

"Is that why you didn't message any of us?" Harry nodded.

"I didn't care what I was happening, so I just let everything happen. I had several opportunities to write everyone and get help, but I couldn't force myself to do it. I just wanted to die, so his punishments were helping me get there." The whole story that was unraveling was highly depressing. Hermione couldn't begin to understand the hurt that was circulating through Harry.

"Do you still want to die, Harry?" Hermione asked her best friend. It felt as if he was on the edge of a cliff, getting ready to jump.

"Yes."

* * *

Hermione laid in her bed, staring up at the darkening ceiling. The lights outside of the house shone very little at night, making each room gloomy without candlelight. Hermione listened to Ginny's easy breathing, trying to lull herself to sleep. However, it wasn't working. The noises the old house made seemed louder than usual and so did the rampageous wind. Even the temperature in the house seemed wrong. Maybe the world stopped spinning or maybe the world was going to end. All Hermione knew was that Harry was going to do something that she didn't want him to do. The worst thing about it was she couldn't say anything to anyone about it. She promised Harry that she wouldn't tell anyone about his suicidal thoughts, but know she was beginning to wish that she didn't. The burden of knowing that Harry wanted to die was becoming too large upon the female Gryffindor. She cared for Harry and didn't want him to take his own life. _'What am I going to do? Should I tell someone or should I try to help him by myself?'_ Her thoughts ran scrambled, like eggs in a bowl. How would she feel if Harry did kill himself? Would she blame herself if she didn't help? _'Of course, I would.'_ Everything continued in a long, drawn out battle until Hermione finally was succumbed into a nightmarish dreamland.

* * *

_'Maybe, I shouldn't have told Hermione those things. I mean, after all, she could tell someone everything. But I doubt she would betray me. On the other hand, I could see how worried she was.'_ Harry laid in his bed, filled with uncertainties. He knew that he could trust Hermione with his secrets; however, there was a part of him that was now nagging at him. Hermione seemed like she had enough on her mind without worrying about what he was going to do with his life. 

The guilt built up to the point where Harry crept over to his trunk. He opened it quietly, making sure that no one heard him. And there is was, gleaming in the candlelight. It yelled to him, _'Use me Harry! You'll feel better!'_ Harry listened, he always did. Harry quickly grabbed the blade and walked back over to his bed. Rolling his sleeve up, Harry stared at the numerous scars and cuts. He pressed the blade to his flesh, feeling the coolness that could only be described as pure bliss for the Boy Wonder. The crimson red flowed from the freshly made cut. The air stung the wound, giving Harry the urge to make more cuts. He repeated the motion several times, letting the blood dribble down upon his pants.

The warmth made him lively, being able to feel everything that once existed. He carefully wiped the blade in his bloodstained pants. Walking back over to the trunk, Harry wrapped the blade in a sock and put it far down in the trunk. He walked back over to the bed, glaring at his freshly cut forearm. The blood continued to ooze until it eventually slowed and stopped. All the while, Harry stared at his life slowly escaping his body. The Gryffindor pulled down his sleeve and laid down his bed. He closed his eyes, ignoring everything around him.

AN: Sry about the long wait between updates.. read and review.. thanks

sweetfrv


	4. Chapter Four: Shadow Talking

Why Should It Matter?

Disclaimer: Don't own it

Read and Review no matter what you think about it.

Thanks you to all that have read it so far :-)

Warning: This fic is extremely dark at the moment and contains cutting and suicidal thoughts. If this makes you uncomfortable, please don't read it. Thanks :-)

Chapter Four: Shadow Talking

The next morning, Harry woke up feeling a stinging pain. His arm ached to the point where it hurt to move it. He cringed as he slowly rolled up his sleeve. The cuts were swollen and bleeding lightly. He sighed loudly, being aware for the first time that he cut himself. However, he didn't regret it. Anytime that he cut, there was a purpose and a reason. Those weren't very clear at the moment, but eventually, Harry would remember why he did it. Slowly rolling down the sleeve, Harry got off of his bed and looked down at his pants. _'Maybe I should change these; we all know that they weren't this bad when I arrived.'_ Harry walked over to his trunk, changing into a clean pair of pants. He threw the stained pants into the trunk, underneath many of his possessions. Once changed, he decided to venture outside of the room today. Walking around felt weird, as visions of Sirius flew in and out of his head. For some odd reason, Harry had forgotten that this was the house Sirius had stayed in all those months. This made it even harder upon the Gryffindor, who could faintly hear his godfather's voice echoing throughout the hallways. Harry walked near the kitchen to hear Ron and Hermione talking. He decided to listen in before walking in.

"Do you think that he wants to talk to me yet?" Ron asked Hermione. Harry figured it was in reference to him. He wanted to hear Hermione's response to this. He couldn't imagine her not telling Ron to come visit him, even though he didn't really want to be bothered by him.

"I never said that he wouldn't, you must have thought that on your own." Harry definitely sensed uneasiness in Hermione's voice. The dark haired young man continued to listen. He wanted to see if Hermione would really keep her promise.

"Well, has he been acting strangely at all?" Ron inquired.

"No, not at all." Hermione said solidly. Harry smiled to himself knowing that Hermione probably would not say anything that would blow his cover.

"You better not be lying, 'Mione. We both know that he's gone through hell this summer. Anything that signifies trouble should be brought to an adult's attention. Harry's our best mate; we need to help him out." After that, a silence last for a minute or so. Being that anyone could walk up behind Harry, he decided just to enter the kitchen without delaying himself any longer. Both of his fellow Gryffindors looked like they had seen a ghost which caused Harry to smile slightly.

"Good morning, Hermione and Ron." Harry said, sitting down beside Hermione. She beamed at him, her brown eyes dazzling in the early day sunlight. Seeing her glee, gave him a pang of guilt, something that he couldn't easily describe.

"How are you feeling this morning?" Hermione asked Harry eagerly. She was so happy that he finally decided to leave that bedroom. _'He's going to be alright, I can feel it.'_

"Fine. I'm little tired, though." Harry smiled at both his friend again.

"Sorry for not coming to see you yet, mate." Ron threw in before Hermione could open her mouth again. "I just thought that maybe you didn't want to see me or something."

Harry continued to smile, but thought bitterly in his head. _'Yeah I didn't, but I'll be nice and say, 'you should have'.'_ "I wouldn't have minded it, but most of the time I was sleeping. The other time, Hermione was there, bugging me."

Hermione scoffed, "Didn't seem like you hated it."

"It was pure hell," the trio laughed. With everything that had gone on through the past few months, it felt good to laugh.

XXXXXX

Harry spent most of his time with Ron and Hermione that day, making sure that his sleeve stayed down the entire time. But as dark approached, he snuck back into the dark room to evade his mind with the pleasure of his blade. Even as the trio laughed and spoke of sixth year, the urge grew to a tremendous size for the Boy-Who-Lived. Lying in his bed, he stared blankly upon a spot on the ceiling. The candlelight was again tonight creating soft shadows that reflected his emotions. Each existed as dark spots that moved when they pleased. His heart raced as he lifted the blade, letting it capture the dancing fire. Pulling up the right sleeve of his shirt, Harry exposed the arm without injury. The other hurt too deeply to add more painful slashes. He stared fixated upon his arm. No scars or imperfections laid upon it, he always cut on his left arm. He slowly raised the blade, feeling all of his anger, sadness, and hatred built up behind him. Pressing against his right forearm, the cool feeling quickly faded as the blood mingled upon the dagger, making it instantly warmer. The gash bled heavily, more so than the others. He watched the blood run down his arm, feeling tears arise within his dulling eyes.

"What's wrong with me?" Harry asked himself quietly as he shook with quivering sobs. For some reason, he couldn't understand why he couldn't suddenly control his urges to cut himself or why he thought about it constantly. Quickly walking over to his trunk, Harry pulled out one of Vernon's large black socks. He wrapped the sock around the deep wound, giving it compression. His tears continued to flow as he collapsed upon his bed. The shadows on the wall were now distorted and were all visions of people that hated him. All started to encircle him and he was a hopeless case. Nothing could prevent them from snatching him away from the bedroom.

"Worthless freak!" The voice of his uncle called through his mind or was it through the bedroom? Harry trembled with fright and anger. He closed his eyes, clenched his teeth, and prayed everything would go away.

"You're dead, Potter." Draco Malfoy's voice became loud and clear. Harry opened his eyes to see a shadow formed as the Slytherin Prince. Voldemort and LeStrange were there as well. Feeling so worthless, Harry threw his hands over his face, trying to block out the images before him.

"Go away!" He whispered furiously. "Leave me alone!" His breath was ragged and sweat poured from his forehead. The urge to throw up became greater with each word spoken by the shadow people. "Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away! . . ." Harry continued to whisper until he finally passed out, still crying and still very much confused.

AN: Here's the new chapter... read and review

sweetfrv


	5. Chapter Five: The Truth

Why Should It Matter?

Disclaimer: Don't own it

Read and Review no matter what you think about it.

Thanks you to all that have read it so far:-)

Warning: This fic is extremely dark at the moment and contains cutting and suicidal thoughts.. if this makes you uncomfortable.. please don't read this.. thank you

Chapter Five

There was only suffering. Having to wake up each and every morning, knowing that you had no belonging where you were was one of those things that brought nightmares during the night. But even when the darkness slipped along walls, diminishing in the gentle sunshine, nothing would chase away those feelings. Nothing! Of course, being the youngest never helped anyone and this definitely was true in Ginerva Weasley's case. Being the only daughter had several disadvantages, especially with six older brothers running around and proving themselves more worthy than you. Sitting up in her bed, she glanced around the bedroom, longing to be back at the Burrow. Ever since the summer before her fourth year, Ginny had been neglected the chance to be at her own home because of Voldemort's return to power. Although, the rest of family also didn't have this privilege, she only felt for herself. Feeling rested, Ginny got out of her bed and decided to walk about the house at 12 Grimmauld Place. Eerie sounds formed around her as she walked down the creaking stairs. The noises alone were enough for Ginny to wish to return to her childhood home. Walking down the stairs, Ginny stopped in front of the room where Harry was sleeping. She hadn't seen him since he arrived and couldn't careless.

'Everything for the Boy Wonder!' She thought bitterly. She hated Harry Potter and all of his glory that he received for being so damn brave all the time. _'Whatever! Him and his damn bravery almost caused me to lose my life.'_ Slipping past the door, Ginny made her way toward the kitchen, deciding on a glass of water. Once settled in the kitchen with her water, Ginny placed her head upon the kitchen table, letting the images of randomness swarm throughout her brain. _'The only one I feel sorry for is me. I'm stuck in this damn family with all people that worship Potter and Dumbledore. I should have been like Percy, escaped while I could have.'_ Logically, there only one way out and Ginny was sure that she wouldn't be accepted there either. Being so close to Harry Potter looked bad, but also looked quite good. Smiling evilly, Ginny plotted everything out in her perplexed mind, only to have everything straighten out. She would vow her life and time to Voldemort.

The darkness still existed within the small bedroom. The lacking of a window dimmed the mood of Harry Potter, who laid on his bed, paralyzed with the pain within his physical and emotion beings. He cursed himself for being so stupid, falling victim to his blade again. The deep wound of his right arm still bled lightly, dripping through the blood soaked black sock. The nausea and fatigue of blood loss was becoming stronger with every passing minute. But he couldn't simply tell anyone about his injuries. Then they would know of his cutting. He would tell Hermione, but she would then really be scared and know nothing is improving with him. Harry needed to battle his demons head on. Feeling like the intelligent thing would to be cleanse his wounds, Harry walked over to his trunk, pulled out a clean shirt and pair of jeans, along with a cloak. Gathering the things in his arms, Harry headed over to the bathroom. Once inside of the bathroom, he locked the bathroom door behind him. Harry didn't really want to explain the cuts anytime soon or ever for that matter. Starting the bath water, Harry removed his shirt, exposing his bare abdomen and arms. Staring in the mirror, Harry looked down at his arms, gasping with the extent of the damage. Dark crimson oozed from deep swollen gashes that ran skewed along Harry's forearms. Shaking his head, he walked over to bathtub. He stripped down to the nude. Light flooded through the window, giving him a desperate trapped feeling. Once the tub was filled, Harry slipped into the warm water, only to experience unpleasant stinging coming from his forearms. His eyes watered as he clenched his teeth tightly. The blood oozed into the water, giving it a reddish color.

"Why did I do this?" Harry asked himself quietly, placing his head on the back of the tub ledge. Emotions battled deeply, making him wish that he could take back the cutting, but he knew that he would revisit the event over and over again. It was a vicious cycle that wasn't going to end ever. He was addicted to cutting and as soon as his body gave out that undeniable urge, Harry would walk over to his trunk and pulled out the sharp and jagged edged blade. He himself knew that help was needed, but he could admit he needed it. Admitting it would make him weak, unable to take care of himself. Turning on the water again, he heated the chilled water to continue thinking about everything that needed his attention. He raised his arm out of the water, examining it closer. It seemed as if the water had slowed the bleeding down, which was a relief to Harry.

"I'm not weak, but how come I cannot overcome this?" Another question he uttered from his slightly chapped lips. Letting the warm water cascade over his body, Harry closed his green eyes, to absorb the warmness. About ten minutes later, Harry decided that he was clean enough. Getting out of the bathtub, he wrapped a dark color towel around himself. Walking over to the cupboard, he looked for bandages and some type of potion for cuts. He was in luck, the cupboard contained some simple healing potions and bandages. Deciding the present was the best time to take care of his wounds, he sat down on the ledge of the bathtub. Pulling the cap off of the bottle, Harry poured some of the green potion upon his irritated skin. Clenching his teeth again, Harry muffled a silent scream from the application of the potion. Instantaneously, the cuts lost some of the swelling and the healed quite a bit. Harry took the bandages and wrapped them around his forearms, still cringing from the throbbing feeling existing in the cuts. Once the cuts were dressed, Harry put on his clean clothes. Looking in the mirror at himself, he noticed his extremely pale skin, which he gather was from the loss of blood. Sighing deeply, Harry gathered up his things and made sure no trances of blood existed, before exiting the bathroom.

He felt much better and hoped that he wouldn't get the urge to cut himself for a few days at least. His body wouldn't be able to handle another one like that without him collapsing, which wouldn't be good at all. On his way back to his bedroom, Hermione passed him.

"Morning Beautiful." Harry said to Hermione, who was taken back by the comment.

"Good morning to you too!" She replied in a chipper tone. Hermione continued into the stairs, where she looked back at Harry, thinking that he wasn't there anymore. Harry smiled at her, making her turn a bright red before she proceeded up the stairs. Continuing into his bedroom, Harry threw his bloody clothes into his trunk, before taking one of his books on Quidditch and walking over to the kitchen. He was okay, for now. The thought of his blade had exited his mind and Harry would be able to function normally for a few hours until the darkness raged its full potential upon the earth. Sitting down at the kitchen table, Harry was greeted by Mrs. Weasley.

"Good morning Harry dear." She said, walking busily around the kitchen. "You look a little pale this morning, are you feeling alright?" Harry nodded, lying slightly. Harry noticed Ginny sitting at the end of the table, staring off into space.

"Morning Ginny." Harry said, realizing it was honestly the first time the two had spoken since he arrived to Grimmauld Place.

"Morning." She muttered, acting like he didn't exist. Harry wondered what was wrong with her, but ignored it. Harry picked up his book and began to read from it. Looking at the Quidditch formations, calmed the Gryffindor no matter what he was feeling. Seeing the moving pictures made him wish he could go flying and play Quidditch with his Gryffindor teammates.

"Wow, I think that I'm going to faint, Harry's reading a book." Hermione commented as she walked into the kitchen, smiling widely.

"Just because some of us don't live in books, Hermione, doesn't mean that we don't read at all." Harry said, using fake sarcasm. Hermione smirked, causing Harry to laugh. "You looked like the ferret when you did that. Please Hermione, never smirk again." He said using a begging tone within his voice.

"Alright Prince Harry, anything for you." Hermione smiled, sitting down beside Harry. "So what are you reading anyway?" She tried looking over his shoulder, but was unsuccessful.

"A book on Quidditch." Harry responded, knowing that he would hear about just reading something about a sport, instead of having his nose inside of something with educational value.

"I should have known. You would never read anything to expand your intelligence." She rolled her eyes at him, being slightly disappointed, but yet again, it was Harry.

"Well just for that comment, I'm going to read something educational one day and make you die from shock." He paused, suddenly getting a sharp pain in his arm. He tried not to express the pain and continued speaking. "Wait, I cannot do that. Then no one would give me answers to my homework." Hermione's eyes narrowed and Harry couldn't help but laugh hysterically at the look on her face. "I was joking, Hermione. You know I love ya!" He said, getting up from the table and walking out of the room. He decided he would talk to Ron for a while. 'Better than hearing preaching about educational things.' Harry thought, smiling all the way to Ron's room.

"Well, he certainly seems to be in better spirits." Hermione told Remus, later on that day. Remus smiled, happy that Harry seemed to be getting better.

"I guess we have you to thank for that." Remus told Hermione, absolutely beaming at the young witch. "I guess Harry needed a really good friend and you supplied him with that."

"Well, I think that he is long from done, but he is certainly better." Hermione needed to add that when her mind drifted off to the conversation that had taken place between her and Harry just a few days previously.

Remus studied Hermione's facial expressions after saying what she did. "Is there something seriously wrong with Harry? Is he hurting himself or something like that? Because if he is, he'll need to get help. Hermione, do you know anything like that?" Then she felt bad. She didn't want to lie to Remus, but she couldn't tell Harry's secret when she promised that she wouldn't.

"No, nothing like that is happening to my knowledge." She added to my knowledge to advert suspicion.

"Alright, but promise me, if anything like happens, you will tell me immediately."

"I promise, Remus. If anything like that arises, I will tell you about it."

"Thanks Hermione. Harry is really lucky to have a great friend like you." Hermione smiled, even though she didn't feel like a great friend. Just because she promised him, she couldn't tell anyone and she really wanted to. She cared about Harry and losing his friendship would be painful, yet not telling anyone about his suicidal thoughts was also making her a bad friend. She sighed quietly as Remus walked away to talk to Mrs. Weasley. Hermione decided that she needed to talk to Harry.

Knocking gently at Harry's door, Hermione waited for a response. The door opened and Harry stood in front of Hermione. His piercing green eyes stared back into her cinnamon brown eyes, making her almost weak kneed. "I want to talk to you." Hermione said quietly, pushing her hair out of her face. Harry stepped aside and let Hermione in. She walked over to his bed and sat down as Harry closed the door behind him. He sat down beside Hermione, watching her in the dim candlelight.

"What do you want to talk about, 'Mione?" Harry asked, feeling it had something to do with what she and Remus had talked about.

"Harry, I need you to be truthful. Are you hurting yourself at all?" She feared his answer when his eyes changed drastically from chipper to sorrowful. "When?"

"Hermione, I never said anything."

"I saw it in your eyes, it was so obvious."

"Yesterday and the day before." He stated quietly, feeling ashamed of himself, which was causing the desire of cutting himself to show its ugly face again.

"Oh Harry." Hermione said, still not believe he actually did hurt himself. "Let me see." Harry pulled off his shirt, revealing two bandaged arms. Hermione felt sick, not believing anything like this was happening_. 'It's a dream._' She told herself constantly in her mind, but she never woke up for the nightmare that was unraveling. He undid the bandages to reveal the healing cuts. Hermione gasped at the sight of them, looking up at Harry's face, which was completely shunned in embarrassment.

"I put some healing potion on them, which is why they aren't as bad as they were." Harry whispered, as Hermione touched the wounds gingerly. They stung with every touch, to the point where Harry pulled his arm away quickly.

"Was I hurting you?" He nodded. "Sorry." The look of embarrassment still was plastered upon Harry's face. "Harry, there is no need to be embarrassed. Now that I know, I will be able to help you." She said softly to the boy who was pressured to be perfect.

"I don't understand it, Hermione. It's an uncontrollable urge. Most of the times, I don't know that I'm doing it until it happens." The urge pounded in his head. _'Cut yourself!' _repeated relentless over and over again. "Like now, all I can hear in my head is 'cut yourself'."

Hermione placed a hand on Harry's back and gently rubbed it up and down. Harry lowered his head into his hands, feeling so insanely uncontrollable. "It'll be all right, I promise." Hermione whispered to Harry. "Now, listen to me." Harry looked up and into Hermione's eyes. "I'm not going to tell anyone, unless you want me to. And let me finish before you say anything." She paused, making sure her last point got across to Harry. "Now, if I don't tell anyone, you're going to have to tell me everything, so I can help you."

"I don't want anyone else to know, I don't need their pity." Harry bitterly replied.

"Alright, then I'm going to help you through his, even if it takes forever. Now, tonight, I want you to keep these with the bandages off, they need some oxygen. Tomorrow, put more healing solution and bandages on them. I think that you should try to go to sleep now." Hermione felt like a mother, more than a friend, which she really didn't mind. She cared about him too much to let anything happen to him. "Another thing, if you ever get these urges, come talk to me. I will talk to you no matter what. I don't care if it is three o'clock in the morning, this is important." Harry nodded, as he laid down upon his bed. The urges were diminishing slowly as Hermione continued to comfort him. As Harry drifted into a dreamless sleep, Hermione continued to sit beside his sleeping form, silently crying_. 'What am I going to do?'_ She knew that she was going to have to convince him to tell someone about this problem, if it was the last things that she did.

AN: Here's the new chapter... read and review.. this one is probably the longest one so far.. the darkness still is there.. but I think that I might lighten it soon..

sweetfrv


	6. Chapter Six: Don't Leave Me

Why Should It Matter?

Disclaimer: Don't own it

Read and Review no matter what you think about it.

Thanks you to all that have read it so far:-)

Warning: This fic is extremely dark at the moment and contains cutting and suicidal thoughts.. if this makes you uncomfortable.. please don't read this.. thank you..

18 Reviews.. that's great!

Chapter Six

The next morning dawned early than it should have. Without notice, the sun rose in the sky, giving the world its glimmer and hope for another day. The sun meant another chance to all the people that thought all opportunities were lost. Even the people too blind to conceive this fact where given the rejuvenated feeling of constant promise. Even without sunshine blasting into her face, Hermione knew it was time to rise. Opening her eyes, she looked around the room oddly. This wasn't her usual room. She looked next to her to see Harry sleeping peacefully. Gasping softly, Hermione figured that she must have fallen asleep the night before. Looking at her companion again, she noticed the pained expression upon his face. His face was the one of ongoing battles of evil and wit, in which all wizards and witches expected him to leave victorious. Like Harry had said, everyone expected him to conquer the things he faced. Even though he had proved triumph time after time, sadly, it still wasn't good enough.

"Poor Harry." Hermione whispered as she ran her fingers through his hair. As desperate as the situation was panning out to be, Hermione knew that she would stand beside Harry no matter what. A gentle moan came from Harry, who was beginning to stir. He opened his eyes, cautiously, wondering who was playing with his hair. A sly smile passed his lips. "Morning, Harry." Hermione said, still unconsciously running her fingers through his hair.

"Good Morning, Hermione." Seeing Hermione reminded Harry the angel of his dreams. A certain glow reflected off of Hermione and onto Harry, making a world of difference. "When did you come in this morning?" Harry asked, stifling a yawn. He was still tired, even though he had slept so much. He guessed the tiredness was from all the abuse his body had endured that summer.

"I never left." Hermione replied quietly, getting an odd look from Harry. "I fell asleep."

"Sure you did." Harry winked at Hermione, making her blush slightly. "You get embarrassed fairly easy; I could use this to my advantage." Harry smirked evilly.

"What advantage would that be?" A small smile donned Hermione's lips, knowing that everything was an entire joke.

"I dunno, I will have to definitely think about this one." Harry said, sitting up. This was the best time to thank Hermione and he intended to do so. "Hermione, I wanted to thank you for yesterday."

"Harry, that isn't necessary." Harry stopped her as soon as those words passed her pink lips.

"Yes it is. You may not think that it was much, but how you helped me meant the world to me. Knowing that I can turn to you for anything and everything makes many things a lot easier. You gave me something that may people have never done. You have given me a true friendship." Harry stared directly into Hermione's feisty brown eyes, seeing them change rapidly with everything that Harry was saying to her. They sent an undeniable calmness even if they were flickering around like mad.

"Harry, you have many friends, how can you say that I just gave friendship to you." Hermione didn't understand what Harry was talking about. There was something that she supposed that was over her head in this situation, but she hoped he would shed some light upon her inquiries.

"I didn't say a friendship, I said a true friendship. Everything that you said to me yesterday changed something inside of me. Your understanding and grace has given me some control back that I have been yearning for since the beginning of the summer. You have vowed silence about what I tell you when most people would have run off right away. Hermione, you knew that would harm me more than anything else and that has given me a deeper respect for you." Hermione was speechless; she couldn't possibly find a response for what Harry had said to her.

"I don't know what to say." Hermione said, staring back into Harry's eyes, seeing the fear still behind the deadness that seemed to be Harry's eyes. But she also saw something else there, a hope. There was a faint trace of hope laying within Harry's eyes, making Hermione know what she was doing was going to help Harry out in the long run.

"You don't need to say anything." Harry said, lying back down on his bed. Just from explaining everything to Hermione, made him tire out again. "But you can do something for me."

"What?"

"Can you get the healing potion and bandages from the bathroom?"

"Of course." She said walking out of the bedroom and quickly heading for the bathroom. There were so many things that now rested inside of Hermione's mind that she barely realized that she had already made it to the bathroom. Walking into the bathroom, Hermione shut the door behind her and looked around the bathroom for the supplies that Harry was talking about. She found them in a cupboard and stashed them underneath her robes, making sure that no one would see them. Walking back to the bedroom, Hermione continued to think about what Harry had said to her. _'I guess I'm a true friend.'_ Hermione thought, walking back into Harry's room. She looked in his direction and noticed that he was sleeping again. _'I knew he looked tired still.'_ Hermione said to herself and walked over to the bed. Pulling the cover down on the bed, Hermione pushed back Harry's sleeve. He quickly awoke and jerked his arm away, thinking that it was someone beside Hermione.

"It's alright, Harry. It's just me." She said apologetically. The fear had overtaken Harry's eyes as his breath had quickened. He nodded, trying to calm himself down. Retrieving his arms again, she poured some of the healing potion upon the wounds, seeing them reduce even more in size. Then she wrapped his left arm and then eventually his right arm. Once she was finished, she placed the extra supplies that she brought with her into a drawer that was in the bedside table. Hermione then sat down beside Harry on the bed, watching his eyelids droop over his eyes.

"Thanks." He breathed as he was slipping into a deep sleep. Hermione ran fingers through his hair again and with that, Harry was out.

"Sleep is the best thing for you right about now." Hermione muttered to her sleeping best friend. She covered his body up and remained sitting there until the bedroom door opened. Remus walked in, staring at Hermione oddly.

"How long has he been sleep?" Remus asked sitting down in the chair that still was beside Harry's bed.

"Just fell asleep." Hermione said, feeling quite awkward. She could only imagine with Remus was thinking to himself, but at that moment, Hermione didn't care. She didn't care what it looked like because Hermione knew what she was doing. She was comforting her best friend that best way that she could: with her never faltering love for him. "He was really tired and decided that he needed a little more sleep. I guess the constant beatings this summer really wore him out."

"Yes, that would certainly make a person tired." Remus said, agreeing with Hermione completely. He looked at Hermione and the sleeping Harry. A smile appeared upon his lips. His mind flew backward in time, remembering another young couple. James was always so protective of Lily and Lily always took care of James anytime one of his stupid stunts failed. The situation made Remus remember so many things. "Well, I have an assignment that I'm going on for a few days." Remus said quietly.

"All right, Remus," Hermione got off of the bed as Remus rose from the chair. She gave him a hug. "Take care of yourself." She whispered, knowing that Harry would be devastated to lose Remus as well.

"I will, Hermione. Don't worry; I'm in no danger on this mission." He said, as the young woman pulled away from him. As he walked toward the bedroom door, he turned back to Hermione had already returned to her spot beside Harry. "Hermione?"

"Hmm?" She asked, looking back up at Remus.

"Take good care of Harry." Remus smiled wider than before.

"I will." She said as the last good Marauder walked out of the bedroom.

Even with the promise of a better future, things were still clouded. As the sun shone through the windows of the kitchen, a collective sigh was heard from the two sitting in the kitchen. However, their intents and sighs reined for two completely separate purposes. The girl with the fiery red hair sighed because of how unfair she thought her life was. Nothing ever came good for her and she was sickened from everything that her life was forming into. The unfairness radiated brilliantly inside both females in the kitchen. The girl with bushy brown hair worried for her best friend. It was obvious that everything was dawning in a completely different light for him. The change had come from being over abused and over pressured. The unfairness to the brunette was the fact that her best friend was in so much pain and would be highly criticized by media and other wizards and witches for showing weakness. The unfairness for the red head were her own woes of being trapped inside of a family that loved Mudbloods and Muggles. Ginny looked over at Hermione after her sigh, but only thought negatively of her. No longer did Ginny really talk to Hermione. She was an enemy and a Mudblood at that. But she couldn't show Hermione her true cover yet, no, that wouldn't be smart. First, Ginny needed to pledge to Voldemort, then she could easily turn against them all.

"Something wrong, Herms?" Ginny asked with false friendliness.

"I'm just worried about Harry." She said, looking over at Ginny. Ginny's brain screamed, _'THAT IS ALL ANYONE CARES ABOUT, SAINT POTTER AND ALL HIS HOLINESS!'_ Then Ginny thought about her thoughts, _'I nearly sounded like Malfoy.'  
_  
"Something wrong with him?" She tried to portray concern, but Ginny laughed horrendously on the inside.

"He's just having a rough time, he'll be better soon though."

"Yeah, I hope so." Ginny said, getting up from the table. "Well, I have some homework to do." Ginny starting walking away from the table.

"Bye Ginny."

"Bye," Ginny said and added after rounding the corner, "Mudblood."

Hermione felt bored sitting around and talking to Mrs. Weasley and Ron wasn't cutting it anymore. She decided that she would go check on Harry. As soon as she opened his door, she saw him squirming around in his bed. Small mutters and moans were coming from Harry. "No! Please . . . not him . . . anything but him! Please! TAKE ME!" Harry kicked and tossed, making Hermione quite considered about him. She walked over to him, deciding on waking him up. "Mum, Dad, help me! They're killing him. Please help me!"

"Harry!" Hermione said sternly, shaking Harry. Harry continued to thrash around, not waking up at all. "Harry!" Hermione called a second time.

"NO!" Harry said, sitting straight up, being awake this time. He was breathless and lowered his head to hands. Hermione sat down beside him, wrapping her arms around him.

"Nightmare?" Harry nodded as he sniffled lightly. Harry's small frame was beginning to shake tremendously.

"Hermione, please stay with me." Harry said, sobbing. Hermione hated seeing Harry cry, it made her feel so weak and helpless.

"I'm not going anywhere." She said, hushing her hysterical friend. His shaking continued as he tried to steady his breathing.

"I feel like cutting, please, don't leave me." He sounded like a little child, begging for something that his parents wouldn't get him.

"I'm going to be right here. I won't leave you, Harry." Hermione said, wrapping her arms tighter around Harry. A fear rose within Hermione, she thought that Harry's days of cutting were over. How could she be so naive? Things that brought such pleasure couldn't be ignored or leave quite so soon. The desperation of fright rose within Hermione, just as it was the day before.

"I'm failure." Harry sobbed, still hiding his face in his hands. "Everything that I do is never good enough and people keep dying because of me." He moaned like an injured animal.

"Harry, look at me." He raised his head, looking at Hermione. "You're not failure. You've done so many great things." Tears flooded Hermione's eyes, even though she wished not to provoke them. "Understand that things that happen aren't always your fault."

"It's my fault that Sirius is dead! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER TRIED TO PLAY HERO!" He screamed, throwing himself toward Hermione. The bedroom door opened and Mrs. Weasley stared at Hermione and the crying Harry. Hermione shook her head, signaling to Mrs. Weasley not to say anything. Mrs. Weasley walked out of the room. Hermione rubbed her hands up and down Harry's back, trying to calm him down. "YOU KNOW IT WAS MY FAULT! YOU TOLD ME THAT I SHOULDN'T GO, BUT I WOULDN'T LISTEN TO YOU! EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED LATELY IS ENTIRELY MY FAULT!" His words were coming out as gasps and Hermione could see Harry was beginning to hyperventilate.

"Harry, calm down. Breathe." She let go of him and he leaned forward. "Take deep breaths, calm down." He choked, trying to take deep breaths. "Relax." She continued to massage his back with her hands.

"BUT . . ."

"I said, relax. Everything will be fine." She said calmly, hushing him. He seemed to be listening until he tried to protest again.

"B. . ."

"Harry James Potter, stop being so stubborn and listen to me." Hermione never lost her cool, she knew it wouldn't be a good idea. "Now, relax and breath." Harry's body shook and his breathing was still quite raspy. Hermione could feel the heat his body was producing through his shirt. "Now, just relax." Hermione got off of the bed and walked to the door.

"You- your n-not l-leaving, are you?"

"No, continue to breath." Hermione opened the door and called for Mrs. Weasley.

"Yes Hermione, what's wrong?" The fear laden upon Mrs. Weasley's face was how Hermione was feeling at the moment, but she couldn't say that.

"I'll tell you later. Could you get me some cool water and a cloth?"

"Yes, right away." Mrs. Weasley walked off, showing immense concern for Harry.

Hermione walked back over to Harry, seeing that his breathing was not improving. "You need to relax a little more or your breathing will not slow down. Trust me, everything will feel better if you calm down." Hermione resumed rubbing his back. Within a minute or so, Mrs. Weasley came with a pitcher of water and a cloth.

"Here you go dear." She said, walking out of the room and closing the door behind her.

"Now, remove your shirt, it is causing a lot of excess heat build up." Harry removed his shirt, very shakily. Hermione felt her heart breaking slowly, watching Harry in his current condition. "I want you to lie on your back." Harry laid back, still choking slightly. Hermione placed the cloth in the pitcher of water and rung it out before wiping Harry's face with it. He started relaxing more with the coolness of the water. "There you go." Hermione said quietly, continuing this process several times. Harry's normal color was returning to him as well as a normal breathing pattern. The last time Hermione rung the cloth out, she folded it neatly and left the cloth on Harry's forehead. His hair was splattered to his face from a mixture of the water and sweat his body was producing. Harry closed his eyes and Hermione turned her face away, having tears flowing down her face. She could feel herself cracking; she desired so much to tell someone about Harry's problems. She desired so much, but she wouldn't_. 'I can handle this, until I can convince Harry to talk to Remus about this.'_ But Hermione didn't know when that would be. She wasn't going to last much longer. She already knew that. Wiping her tears away, Hermione faced back to Harry, whose breathing was light and fair. He was sleeping again, which made Hermione know it was okay to cry. She pulled her knees into her chest and sobbed upon her knees.

AN: Here's the new chapter... read and review.. this the longest chapter I have had (happy dance). . . I know that Harry seems weak, which is out of character, but it is needed for things that are going to happen along the way, including things that happen when they go back to Hogwarts. . . There will be a lot of revelation next chapter.. so I will try to get it out soon :-)

sweetfrv


	7. Chapter Seven

Why Should It Matter?  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own it  
  
Read and Review no matter what you think about it.  
  
Thanks you to all that have read it so far!! :-)  
  
Warning: This fic is extremely dark at the moment and contains cutting and suicidal thoughts.. if this makes you uncomfortable.. please don't read this.. thank you..  
  
25 Reviews.. woot!  
  
Chapter Seven  


The world was dimmed with an instant devastation that was suddenly brought forward. Everything had been looking up until that moment. The cracking spirit was becoming harder and harder to repair, however, this girl wouldn't stop. The determination to hold up her side of the bargain was far too important to her. Looking over at her very ill companion, all she could do to stifle her crying was to turn away from him. Everything that had happened the previous night had worn her to the point of internal exhaustion. However, Hermione didn't sleep, she had stayed up the entire night. There was no time for sleep when Harry in such a state. She felt a lump in her throat as she listened to his light whimpering. He had been whimpering for at least an hour, but she wouldn't wake him, not unless it got worse. Hermione now had two goals she needed to pursue. One was keeping Harry from doing anymore stupid things and the other was to convince him to talk to Remus. Feeling sick to her stomach, Hermione realized that she needed to get out of that room for while. Getting off of the bed, Hermione looked at back at Harry, whose moaning was slowly becoming louder. 'He's not going to be sleeping much longer.' Hermione decided she would be quick, just a little change of scenery. However, when she walked into the kitchen, she found her least favorite professor had decided to don the house his glorious presence. Sighing, Hermione walked over to the sink to get some water.

"Miss Granger, where are your manners?" Snape asked, trying to act surprised at the fact that Hermione walked by him without acknowledgment. There was something about the tone of his voice that was slightly different. This didn't really bother Hermione; she didn't care.

"With all due respect Professor, I don't have time for small talk." Hermione said quietly, taking a gulp of her water. 'Only a minute or so, Hermione.' Her mind registered wildly, giving her jolt of fear. "So Mr. Potter has sudden turned into small talk?" Hermione's facial _expression dropped at hearing Snape talk about Harry. "The Headmaster will be here to see him later. He's worried about Potter." Hermione rolled her eyes toward the Potions Master. "Well, he wasn't very worried about him last year, was he?" Hermione said, walking toward the table. Snape smirked at Hermione's spunk.

"How is Potter?" Hermione didn't believe that Snape actually cared. She felt this deep desire to tell him off because he would end up tormenting Harry even more this school year, and Hermione knew Harry would crack. 

"Like you care." Hermione muttered.

"Mind your cheek, Miss Granger." Snape growled. "Just because we aren't at Hogwarts, doesn't mean that you can disrespect me."

"Well, it infuriates me. You don't have one shred of concern about Harry, and yet you have the nerve to ask how he is." Hermione could feel herself losing her temper and she usually never did that. Especially not with Snape. Snape's eyes narrowed and Hermione stalked away from him. She didn't care how much of a living hell he would make her life this year. He had the _nerve_ and so did Dumbledore. _Especially_ Dumbledore, who was certainly being ridiculous and simply blamed his mistakes on forgetting what it was like to be young. There wasn't an excuse for what he was doing, and Hermione believe that Dumbledore even knew that. 

Walking back into Harry's room, Hermione's eyes widened. Harry had the dagger in his hand, ready to cut. Hermione ran over to him and ripped the dagger from Harry. He stared up at her, his green eyes laden with remorse and anger. The urge to cut himself was cycling through Harry's mind, making everything but rational thoughts control his mind. 

"I'm sorry." Harry said, not knowing exactly what he was apologizing for.

"It's alright. I'm just happy I got here when I did." Hermione may have had a calm exterior, but her insides screamed painfully. She was surprised that her relaxed facade could stay with something so dangerous and scary. Harry scooted toward Hermione, laying his head upon her chest. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer to her. 

"Hermione, I'm never going to get better." Harry cried, feeling himself breaking down further and further. Every minute that ticked by made him weaker, and it made it harder to fight the urges. 

"You need to get help, Harry. You need to tell Remus."

"I can't tell him, he'll be disappointed." That was a problem Harry had, and Hermione had always noticed it. Harry had always felt like he couldn't disappoint people, he always needed to be the strong one. Harry needed to be the person that would hold up against pressure and difficult decisions.

"No, he won't. He knows you've been through hell this summer. He would want you to tell him, Harry, he could help you." Hermione's determination to make Harry get help only grew stronger with every word of the conversation. 

"Then other people would know, and I don't think that I could handle that."

"Yes you could. You're stronger than you think, Harry."

"If I'm so strong then why do I cut myself?"

"I don't know, you need to be the one that figures that out."

"I'm so weak." He paused. "Mentally and physically."

"You just need some help. Remus will be back in a day or two and we'll talk to him. We'll get you some help before school starts and everything will go back to normal. Until then, Harry, you need to eat something. With all that blood loss and you not eating anything, you're going to be passing out more and more, until you are too weak to even wake up." Hermione whispered, subconsciously running her fingers across Harry's shoulder.

"Alright 'Mione." Harry said, trying to stay alert.

"Do you have enough energy to walk?" Harry nodded. "Well, then, we're going to get you something to eat. Put your long sleeve shirt on." Hermione said throwing it at Harry, who slipped it on carefully. She helped stabilize Harry once he was on his feet, until he didn't look quite so wobbly. They made their way to kitchen, acting if nothing had just happened. It was a hard stunt for Hermione, especially when your best friend was trying to harm himself. Walking into the kitchen, Hermione remembered suddenly that Snape was still in there. She groaned inwardly, feeling stupid for forgetting something like that. She knew Snape was one of the last people that Harry would want to see. Lucky for her, Harry sat down at the table, ignoring Snape's presence and everyone else in the kitchen. He knew he looked straight up like hell and the comments would start flying around soon. 

"Harry, dear, are you feeling well?" Mrs. Weasley said, walking over to Harry, placing a hand on his forehead. "You're awful clammy. You shouldn't be out of bed in this condition." She was still concerned about him, especially after the fiasco of the night before.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Weasley." Harry said in a strong voice. 

"Well, I still say you should get some more rest before trying to become a part of civilization again." Harry was really wanted Mrs. Weasley to stop fussing over him, considering that Snape was sitting right there. _'I can't wait until that bastard starts his shit this year. One thing and I am going to hex his ass into next year.'_ Harry didn't notice the look on Snape's face, but Hermione did. He stared at Harry with absolute horror, because even Hermione knew Harry was looking almost as bad as he did when he first arrived. 

"Do we have any fruit?" Harry asked, trying to get Mrs. Weasley off of his case. 

"Yes, oranges and apples."

"Can I please have two oranges?" 

"Sure dear." Mrs Weasley got two oranges and handed them to Harry, who starting peeling them immediately. He was hungry, but he didn't know how stable his stomach actually was. 

"Miss Granger, I would like to talk to you." Snape sneered toward Hermione, who rolled her eyes with her back to him. She followed him out of the kitchen and into the living room area. They sat down, one in a chair and other on the couch. "What's wrong with Potter?" 

"I don't know." She lied and hoped that Snape would believe her. But even she knew that Snape couldn't be easily fooled; it was just in his character.

"I've just got my hands on some excellent Veritaserum, you know. I bet that you would love to try some." There was a dangerous edge to Snape's voice, making Hermione's insides flinch with apprehension. 

"You wouldn't." _'Of course, he would.'_ Hermione thought after letting those precious words exit her mouth.

"Miss Granger, don't test me. If I have to use truth potions on you, I will. Now, why is Potter so weak?"

"He's been not sleeping well lately and not eating." While keeping eye contact with Snape, Hermione controlled her eyes as to not let any subtle hints of lying get through to Snape. 

"Is that all?" She nodded, hoping that the story would hold until Remus came back. "Alright then." Snape said, walking out of the living room and back into the kitchen. Hermione followed him, hoping that he wouldn't interrogate Harry about his condition. Luckily, he didn't. It was a huge sigh of relief, even though the only thing that would amount from that would be an extremely angered Harry. After Harry finished his oranges, he placed his head down upon the cold tabletop. Snape shot daggers toward Hermione -- it didn't look like her story was going to hold, if Severus Snape had something to do about it. Harry lifted his head and got up from the table. 

"I hate to be rude and leave so quickly, but I'm going to rest. Hermione, would you come with me?" Hermione nodded and walked along side Harry, making it look like a friendly gesture. However, she really feared that he would fall upon his face. Once inside his bedroom again, Harry collapsed upon the bed, wincing in pain. 

"What's wrong?"

"My scar is aching really bad all the sudden." He rubbed his nuisance scar, trying to have the throbbing stop completely. The pain felt like someone was pounding his head continuously into the cement, making sure his brains crashed against the sides of his skull. He clenched his teeth, baring the agony through the control he contained. With everything else going on, Harry wasn't going to let Voldemort's mark make him any more out of control. Taking a staggering breath, Harry unclenched his teeth and forced his eyes open. He continued taking deep breaths, trying to force his mind away from his scar. "With everything else going on, I don't need this thing bothering me."

Hermione nodded, watching Harry closely. She admired his strength and only wished that he would start using it with the cutting problems. Hermione knew that the incident that occurred today had only signified more problems in the future. There was an uncomfortable silence between the two Gryffindors and the only thing running through their minds was to be alone. Harry wanted to be alone, but maybe that wasn't really a great idea. He needed to figure out everything for himself. He was appreciative to Hermione for helping him, but there was a desperate need to be alone. 

"Hermione, I need to be alone. Take the dagger, that way, I won't be able to harm myself." He muttered, hoping that Hermione would just leave him be. 

"If you want, all right." Hermione said, taking the dagger and closing the door behind her. When Harry saw the door close, he threw his pillow against the door. His anger raged throughout his body, making everything seem distorted with fury. His life was a never-ending battle in which he would never amount to anything. The only thing that he'd ever be was The-Bloody-Boy-Who-Lived, which only made him angrier. Harry was tired of living up to his image, it made everything so difficult for him. 

"Dammit!" He yelled, feeling his whole body alive for the first time in a long time. No longer did he feel like he needed to cut himself. No, on the contrary, Harry felt like he needed to change. He was tired of being careful only to have everything blow up in his face. The Gryffindor was fed up with everything and everyone controlling him. From now on, life would be run on Harry's terms and nothing would come in his way. The first thing of change would be convincing Hermione that he no longer needed assistance with his problem, which seemed to have disappeared in that instant. Feeling the rage diminish, Harry flopped down upon his bed, tabulating everything that needed to be changed. 

AN: Well that was chapter seven.. sorry for prolonged chapter.. It took a long while to write.. if you have any suggestions at all.. drop them off in a review... it is appreciated much!


	8. Chapter Eight

Why Should It Matter?

Disclaimer: Don't own it

Read and Review no matter what you think about it.

Chapter Eight

A simple silence rose around the open field. The sun sat high in the sky, basking upon the earth with vengeance. Heat was penetrating through everything that dared to sit out in the humid air. The only sanctuary that could be found was a large maple tree that seemed to reduce the heat immensely. Leaning against the tree, the blacked haired boy sighed, closing his eyes slowly. The mugginess made him lethargic, but he welcomed the opportunity for sleep.

It had been nearly three full weeks since Harry arrived to 12 Grimmauld Place a weakened form of himself; and to the occasional bystander, he was absolutely fine now. He, himself, even thought that everything was perfect again. However, Hermione still feeling skeptical, noticed an odd quietness that Harry held. Ever since the day when Snape paid a visit, Harry had stopped thinking suicidal and harming himself. Hermione was overjoyed for that fact, but an oddness to the whole situation remained. She stared at her companion frequently, looking up from her advance potions book. Harry may have not been thinking suicidal, but something much deeper still loomed with in the Boy-Who-Lived and Hermione was aching to find out what. Returning her attention back to her text, Hermione ignored the gentle buzzing of a honey bee flying near by. She was glad for the opportunity to escape from Grimmauld Place for a while though. Being locked up day after day in that musty old house brought for sour moods.

"Hermione, are you going to read all day long?" Ron called from about one hundred meters away. He, George, and Fred were testing out prototypes for new items that George and Fred were hoping to add to their joke shop. Their business was absolutely booming, which made Mrs. Weasley a little more at ease with the idea of them quitting Hogwarts before graduating.

"I would rather read something than get blown up by you and your crazy brothers." She said with a wide smile.

"Ronnikins, leave Hermione alone." George called out.

"After all, she needs to be with her boyfriend constantly." Fred voiced after George's statement.

"We're definitely expecting a wedding invitation any day now!" They said in unison, causing Hermione to blush slightly. If only they knew the reason she never left Harry's side.

"Think what you want, but I feel relatively safe over here."

"Suit yourself." Ron hollered back, going back to where the explosions where beginning to happen. Hermione rolled her eyes sardonically and turned her attention back to her potions book. _'So many potions, so little time.'_ Hermione thought with a smile. After buying that potions book over the summer, Hermione really started to appreciate the true art of potions, even if Snape happened to be the potions master. She looked up from reading after another ten minutes, looking over at Harry again. His head was lolled to the side as he snored lightly. Hermione had to admit she was starting to have a thing for her best friend, but she wouldn't try to pursue anything without being a hundred percent sure of Harry's mental health first. After another two minutes, a loud, booming explosion was heard in the direction where the three Weasley boys where trying things out. Hermione quickly looked over her shoulder in panic, expecting them to being blown to pieces, but instead, they were standing up, whooping at the efforts of the last item.

"They make an awful lot of commotion, don't they?" Hermione jumped at the voice. She turned around to see Harry, blinking the sleep out his eyes.

"They sure do." She replied, not knowing of anything else she could have possible said in that situation. Harry was smiling at Hermione, giving her a frivolous feeling inside. She couldn't resist his charisma, even when she was trying to.

"Why aren't you joining their efforts to blow up the neighbor?"

"Because I don't find getting blown up exhilarating. Besides, this book is fascinating in itself." Hermione answered quickly. She always seemed to act on edge when speaking with Harry and he noticed it.

"You don't need to be so tensed around me; I'm not going to do anything stupid." His eyes were laden in a serious state that only Harry could portray.

"I'm not tense." Hermione muttered, trying to relax more. However, she couldn't help always feeling apprehensive. He had just been suicidal and suddenly everything disappeared.

"You're a terrible liar, but I'll pretend like I believe you." He replied sarcastically, slouching down further against the maple.

"Honestly Harry, for about a week you were harming yourself and you think that I can just forget about that?" Her tone was gentle, but there was a slight impatience to it.

Harry rolled his eyes. "You're never going to let me forget about that are you?"

Hermione was flabbergasted at that point. "Harry, it was serious! You could have seriously harmed yourself, you could've died."

"But I didn't, so just drop it!" Hermione stared into Harry's eyes. His emerald green eyes looked ablaze, containing an anger that Hermione had never seen before. His facial features were tense, adding more to the overall effect of bitterness.

"Fine, I'll drop it, but the next time you want someone to talk to, you can forget about me!" Hermione shouted and ran off away from the tree. The heat hit her instantly making her feel fatigue, but this didn't stop her running. The large field was only about a mile away the Order of the Phoenix Headquarters, so she ran until she reached the street. Once near the headquarters, she slowed her pace and walked up to where the house appeared and she walked in. The coolness of the dark house met Hermione immediately. She felt foolish, used, and confused. Feeling parched; she walked into the kitchen, got some water, and walked off to her room with it. Drinking the water slowly, Hermione thanked God that school would be starting in nearly a week. Going into her bedroom, she flopped down on the bed, letting her hair fly wildly. Her mind was contorted with thoughts of confusion mostly. Harry was definitely trying to forget everything that happened to him, but Hermione didn't think that was the wisest choice. Without being dedicated to getting well and learning from his mistakes, Hermione was almost positive that a relapse would occur. _'But I don't need to worry about that; Harry will never talk to me about anything again!' _She closed her eyes tightly, letting colors flash in front of her eyes rapidly. Those color eventually formed Harry angered face. _'He had never shown so much irritation toward me before.'_ She recalled mentally, even though she tried to push that mental image away. _'It'll be tough, but I'll need to just deal with the fact that I may have lost one of my best friend forever.'_

-ooo-

The fire blazed deeply for mere minutes, only to be put out by reality's harsh blast of cold. Harry stared numbly at where Hermione had previously sat, letting her words bury him completely. "But the next time you need someone to talk to, you can forget about me!" He repeated unconsciously. There was something about those words that brought forth a teeth-chattering chill into Harry's spine. He couldn't explain why he suddenly felt alone even with Ron and his brothers only meters away. He felt foolish, realizing that he was overreacting about Hermione questioning his mental health, but he felt as if she should believe everything that he told her. If he said he was fine, Hermione should openly believe that he was. _'But you're not really fine; you just want everyone to believe that you are. You're so good at convincing everyone, you've even fooled yourself into believing it.' _A small voice within his head whispered viciously. He pushed the voice away, ignoring its warning and general nature.

            "Harry." Harry looked up to see Ron standing a meter away from him. "We're going to start heading back, are you going to come?" Harry nodded and stood up. "Where's Hermione?"

            "She took off about twenty minutes ago. I gather that she went back to the house."

            "Oh, alright then." Ron said, as he and Harry started walking side by side.  There was an uneasy silence brewing for a few minutes before Ron piped up again. "What's going on between you and Hermione?"

            "Nothing's going on between the two of us." Harry replied flatly, not really having a profound desire to discuss Hermione.

            "You two sure don't act like there's nothing. You're always together."

"That doesn't mean anything at all. Beside, ever since I started sharing a room with you, I haven't been talking with Hermione quite as much." Harry didn't really want to tell Ron why he and Hermione had been so close, so he tried frantically to kill the subject. "Did your brothers find anything interesting in their experiments?"

"Yes, fact we did, Harry. Very interesting findings, especially with anything that explodes." Fred said, strolling up to the left side of Harry.

"Maybe we'll show you some of them before you and Ron go back to Hogwarts." George said getting on Harry's other side, pushing Ron out of the way. After that, no one said a word. It was a welcomed silence to Harry. With all of his thoughts banging around and people talking to him, he could barely hold them straight. Once they finished the mile walk back to the house, they entered and dispersed throughout the house. Ron and Harry went up to their room, not saying anything the entire way.

"Ron?" Harry asked as they reached the bedroom, "Have you ever made a mistake so horrible that it haunts you constantly and not even the closest people to you can forgive you for it?"

Ron stared at Harry bewildered; he couldn't understand what Harry was trying to get at. "What are you talking about? I'm lost!"

"Have you ever done something that no one could forget? Something that caused pain to people that you love?" Harry said, trying to make his point clearer.       "I don't think so, why?"

"No reason, just trying to straight out some thoughts that are bouncing around." He tried to conceal what he was really thinking. "I was just thinking about people that do something and no one forgives them for it."

"Well those people need to understand that sometimes people can break and fall apart even when it's not always obvious. When this does happen, a person can be left scarred. I guess that people that love that certain person wouldn't want anything wrong to come to him." Harry nearly died of shock listening to Ron talk. He never knew Ron to be that insightful.

"That makes a lot of sense." A passionate and powerful group of thoughts rose within Harry. Hermione cared so much about him because as he was falling apart and she was going down with him. Hermione couldn't stand to see him break which in the end caused her to have problems. He understood that much, but he couldn't understand why she was afraid still. He didn't have any problems. Although his problems seemed to have vanished, his future still seemed incredibly dim. There didn't seem like there was anywhere to go. He felt like he was being ripped apart just because he didn't see a clear path through to the future. Throwing himself down upon his bed, Harry stared up at the blinding white ceiling, reliving everything he could remember about the interactions of himself and Hermione since he had arrived to 12 Grimmauld Place. She had been the only there for him, the only one that he could honestly trust without a second thought. He realized at the point that he made a slight mistake. Harry had ignored everything that Hermione was doing for him, taking advantage of every single thing she was doing for him. Frowning, Harry rolled over onto his side, staring at the wall next to his bed. _'I disregarded everything because I wanted to think that everything was alright. With ignoring her help, I could go on believing everything would be just fine.'_ He sighed; he knew that he was in the wrong in this situation. The only problem that was now presented was the fact that Hermione didn't want to talk to him about his problems and probably didn't want to talk to him period. _'I'll fix it later!'_

-ooo-

Excitement flourished as the morning of September first came around. Only one person couldn't sleep however. After avoiding Harry that entire week, Hermione was glad to be going back to Hogwarts. Even though they would share classes, a common room, and many similar friends, she was almost positive that she could avoid him for most of the year. She felt silly, even childish for trying to avoid Harry, but she couldn't explain why was choosing to do so. Watching the sun gently shine through the bedroom window, Hermione sat up. Ginny was still sleeping so Hermione decided to make her moves as soundless as possible. She had noticed a slight difference in Ginny's behavior and actions over the summer and hoped it was nothing but stress from the youngest Weasley child. Stretching out, Hermione felt something jump up on the bed. Her beloved cat, Crookshanks was now sitting beside her. She scooped him up into her arms and petted his ginger-colored coat. He purred gratefully and Hermione continued. It was going to be a year of change and Hermione could feel it within herself. There were going to many things that would render differently, but there was nothing that could control it. Hearing a gentle rapping at the bedroom, Hermione grabbed Crookshanks into her arms and walked over to the door. She opened it to see Harry standing on the other side.

"I thought that we should talk." He whispered, not knowing if Ginny was up or not.

"We have nothing to discuss." She answered back, starting to close the door in his face.

"Hermione, just hear me out!" She didn't stop closing the door, it continued to shut slowly. "You're being absolutely childish about this entire thing!" His voice was a tad bit louder. The door stopped closing and swung open.

"I'm being childish? What about you? Trying to forget everything that happened and acting as if nothing happened! I think that you should be more concerned about yourself acting childish, instead of me!" Her face was flustered with anger and confusion.

"Is it a crime to want to forget the past?" He asked. His eyes were mournfully set. Hermione knew that Harry had every right to want to forget the past, a past that did nothing but torture him and tear him apart.

"It's not a crime, but there are punishments associated with forgetting everything. Do you honestly want to forget everything, only to have your problems return with vengeance?" Harry didn't answer nor did he shake his head, but Hermione could see that he was considering every word that was passing her lips. "Harry, I worried about you for that entire time. I never left your side and with good reason of course. But to have you want to forget everything makes me feel worthless. With forgetting everything, you would also be forgetting that I helped you out." She paused, remaining strong even if she wanted to break. "And if you want to disregard my help, you should disregard our friendship as well." With that she closed the door quickly, not wanting to look at Harry any longer. With that, hot tears slid down her cheeks. She was sure that she just ended one of the best friendships that she had ever had. Feeling worthless, Hermione started to pack her things into her trunk. She didn't want to think about Harry any longer and she hoped that packing would be a simple solution. However, it wasn't and all she could think about was Harry and how she possibly caused him only more trouble and problems.

-ooo-

            Pain and hurt was tabulating quicker and faster than it ever had. The world that had seemed to regain its strength and wonder was losing it sooner than it should have. The unconscious need to feel alive was lit once more and this time nothing was going to stop it, nothing! Harry walked back to the room he shared with Ron in a daze. All the while the nagging voice had returned once more. _'USE THE BLADE, HARRY! IT'LL NEVER BETRAY YOU LIKE HERMIONE DID! NEVER!'_ It seemed like such a truthful statement and never before did Harry believe his unconscious mind more. Harry quickly slipped back into his room, noticing Ron was still sleeping. Walking over to his trunk, he pulled out his blade, quickly exiting the room. Dashing to the bathroom, Harry closed the door behind him softly; he didn't need to attract any attention to what he was doing. Pulling up his sleeve, he looked at his damaged flesh. The white scars ran skewed and almost caused Harry to snap out of his dreamlike state, but the fear and confusion that distorted his mind were much stronger. Staring at his dagger, he slowly lowered the tip of the blade to his flesh, feeling the coolness that always accompanied his most valuable possession. Pressing down, Harry felt his skin tear underneath the pressure. Moving the jagged edge slowly, blood started to rise up from the freshly made wound. Dropping the blade after making his newest wound, Harry dropped to the ground. Staring at his cut arm, Harry's eyes welled up in tears. _'It's happening again!' _His mind screamed, causing him only more pain. Breathing slowly, Harry applied pressure to his wound, hoping it would slow the bleeding. _'Why did I get my blade? Why did Hermione give it back? Why is this happening to me again?' _Harry was filled with remorse; he didn't understand why everything that was healed was recurring. "Damn!" He muttered underneath his breathing. Looking down, he noticed that the cut stopped bleeding. Moving his arm around gingerly, Harry stood up off of the ground and washed himself up. Next came cleaning the blade and the area around it. Once the bathroom was clear of blood, Harry stashed the blade within his robes and walked back to his bedroom, having the nagging to cut himself becoming stronger once again.

-ooo-

            The car ride to the train station was silent. Everyone's mind was elsewhere and it could be clearly sensed. Hostile feelings were flying around and the only one catching this was Ron. He sat between Harry and Hermione, and felt very strong feelings coming form both. Harry had been quiet the entire morning, as had Hermione. He sensed that a fight had broken out between the two and didn't want to pry into. _'They'll fix everything in time, I hope!' _He thought just as the car came to a stop. Just like the previous years, the ministry loaned a car for the Weasleys, Hermione, and Harry to be transported to the platform. Once everyone had their luggage, they began to walk over to where Platform 9 and ¾ was. It was great to be back near familiar faces and all of the students were feeling that. 

            "Well you're here." Mrs. Weasley said, as they reached the barrier for Platform 9 and ¾. "You lot try to have a great school year and stay out of trouble." She hugged them all and sent them through the barrier. The last one to go through was Harry. "You take care of yourself, dear." She whispered to him. He nodded, before running through the barrier. After going through, he met up with Ron and to his dislike, Hermione.

            "Come on, we better get a compartment before they're all taken."

            "Ron, don't you remember?" Hermione asked angrily. "We need to go to the Prefect's compartment first."

            "Right then. Get us a compartment, Harry, and we'll meet you later." He nodded as Hermione and Ron walked off. He sighed, not really wanting to even go to Hogwarts. He quickly entered the train and found an empty compartment. And to his surprise, the train had quickly started and no one had bothered to disturb him. For this, Harry was glad; he didn't need any distractions, especially people like Ginny, Luna, and Neville. He laid down upon the seats in the compartment. He gingerly placed his arm across his chest, feeling it throb with every sudden movement. Within five minutes of becoming comfortable, Harry heard his compartment door open and Malfoy entered.

            "Aw, poor Potty. No friends to accompany him." He smirked. He slammed the door behind him.

            "What do you want, Malfoy?"

            "Revenge of every sort, Potter. You sent my father to prison and I find it wise to make you pay."

            Harry yawned, acting as if he was bored. "Honestly, after dueling with Voldemort, facing a basilisk, and facing Dementors, I'm sure you're tame." Harry said, getting up quickly from his laying position. "But if you insist on losing to me, I guess it's fine." Harry pulled out his wand and pointed it toward Malfoy. He quickly corned the blonde, giving him no time to pull out his own wand. Placing the tip of his wand toward Malfoy's throat, Harry's eyes filled with malice and anger. "Think that you can come walking in here and mess with me, Malfoy? DON'T MESS AROUND WITH ME! I'M WARNING YOU! DO ANYTHING AS SO MUCH AS TO TALK TO ME OR LOOK AT ME WRONG, I'LL MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN!" Harry roared with anger. His eyes kept building intensity. Harry stared deeply into Malfoy's eyes and could see a slight bit of confusion and fear.

            "YOU THINK THAT I'M SCARED OF YOU, POTTER? I'M NOT!" Malfoy spat, pushing Harry away from him.

            "WHY DO YOUR EYES SHOW FEAR THAN MALFOY? NOT SCARED OF ME, PROVE IT! DUEL WITH ME NOW!"  Harry pointed his wand in dueling formation, ready for anything that Malfoy could shoot at him. He wanted to so deeply to curse Malfoy, he wanted to kill him.

            "You think that I want to waste my time with you?" Malfoy responded with a slight quiver to his voice.

            "I knew that you would back out." Harry said, trying to sound disappointed. "You're chicken and weak, just like your father!" Harry turned his back on Malfoy and slowly began to walk over to his seat. Before he could reach it, a curse hit him. Harry slammed into the compartment wall with a deafening smack. He stumbled backwards and smacked the ground. Malfoy stood over him, pointing his wand directly at him.

            "NEVER INSULT MY FATHER, POTTER! MINE WASN'T STUPID LIKE YOURS; HE WASN'T STUPID ENOUGH TO DIE!" Harry felt a passionate anger rise within in himself. He quickly hopped to his feet, ignoring the pain circulating throughout his body. He pulled out his wand and muttered a spell underneath his breath. Malfoy smacked into the wall, just as he had, but with much more force. He walked over to Malfoy and stepped on his chest.

            "NEVER, EVER, TALK ABOUT MY PARENTS! THEY WERE MUCH BETTER PEOPLE THAN YOU OR YOUR FATHER WILL EVER BE!" Harry placed a simple stunning spell on Malfoy after saying that. Walking out of the compartment, he slammed the door behind him and started to look for a compartment where Neville and Ginny were. He looked in a few compartments down to discover Neville running out of it.          

            "Harry, thank goodness you're here! Ginny's fainted!"

AN: Well, well, well.. interesting way to end an chapter.. don't you think? J  Anyway, I don't have many thoughts on this chapter and I'm so sorry that it took so long to get out.. and I'm also sorry if there are a lot of errors because my beta-reader is going on vacation for a while and she wouldn't be able to get the chapter back until one to two weeks so I decided just to post it… it might be fixed later.. not sure… but please review no matter what you think, it helps motivate me to write. Okay, buh bye

sweetfrv


	9. Chapter Nine: Secret Revealed

Why Should It Matter?

Disclaimer: Don't own it

Read and Review no matter what you think about it.

Chapter Nine: Secret Revealed

Guilt and strength. Both two different things, both were having two different effects. One was becoming mind-consuming, while the other was deteriorating. Hermione rested her head against the Prefect compartment seat. Everything was blurred, including her friendship with Harry. She didn't understand why she suddenly was acting that way toward him. Every time she wasn't near him, she thought about patching things up with the Boy Wonder, but every time he came near her, all hell would break loose. There was a battle of thoughts brewing within her head. _'He looked more pale than usual, didn't he? Was I imagining things, or was that for real? Did he go cut himself after our fight? Is everything that's going to happen now, my fault?'_ She wouldn't be able to answer those questions, only time would.  

            Ron sat next to her, staring blankly at the outside flying by. She knew that Ron was confused about what was going on between her and Harry, but to explain that, she would have to explain the cutting. And no matter how much anger or hatred she would ever develop for Harry, there would never come a day where she would tell anyone.

            "I don't see why we're being forced to sit in this compartment all day. I wanted to talk with Harry." Ron muttered. While Ron was angry about sitting in the Prefect Compartment the whole ride, Hermione welcomed the opportunity not to fight with Harry again.

            "Well, when Malfoy comes back, you'll be able to patrol." Hermione commented back, wishing to return to her thoughts. Then something struck hit her, Malfoy had been gone for quite a while. "On second thought, since Malfoy has been missing for quite while, maybe one of us should go looking for him. He's probably out terrorizing younger students." Hermione stood up and started to walk toward the compartment door. "And I've decided that I'll go look for him." Hermione slowly closed the door behind her and started to look through the hallway, trying to find Malfoy in it, but came up empty handed. _'I guess that I'm going to have search all of the compartments.' _Hermione thought angrily. One after another, she opened up the compartments, trying to find Malfoy. She received many dirty looks every time she was found prying into someone's compartment. Hermione never explained her actions and since she _was_ a Prefect, she didn't need to. It took about five minutes before she opened up a compartment and gasped. Malfoy was lying on the floor, stunned. Hermione spoke the counter-curse to revive him. "What happened to you?" She asked, not truly caring one bit.

            "Oh Granger, I never knew _you_ cared." He spat bitterly, trying to sit up.

            "I really don't." She replied bluntly, catching sarcasm exit his eyes. "Considering you're nothing but trouble, I came looking for you to see if you were terrorizing younger students!" Malfoy finally sat up, wincing slightly.

            "I don't see how it's any of _your_ business how I decide to punish younger years, _you stupid little mudblood_!" Hermione's eyes narrowed.

            "You stupid ferret; get this through your head!" She shouted, taking Malfoy quite by surprise. She took out her wand and pointed it at him. "First off, it _is_ my business on how you treat younger students. Just like _you_, I'm a Prefect and _we're_ supposed to watch out for younger students. Secondly, you can call me _mudblood_ all you want because I rather be muggleborn than some filthy pureblooded trash!" She stashed her wand inside of her robes and quickly exited the compartment. Feeling herself still angry, she decided to walk back slowly to the Prefect Compartment; she needed to cool herself down.

-ooo-

            Everything was blurry and confusing. The mind was relaying one thing, while everything was different. Utter confusion was represented within the girl, but she couldn't escape it. Ginny Weasley opened her eyes slowly, trying to remember the last thing that she could, but it seemed as if someone had robbed her of her memory.

            "I think she's coming to." She heard a voice, but it sounded so distant, so unusual. "Ginny, can you hear me?" Two deep green eyes looked down at her, making her know who was by her side.

            "Harry," She whispered coarsely. She tried to sit up, but everything began to spin. Lying back down, Ginny tried to remember anything, anything at all, but it all seemed so unbelievably vague. "Where am I?" Ginny asked quietly, re-closing her eyes.

            "We're on the Hogwarts Express going to school." Harry replied, throwing worried looks toward the others in the compartment. Ginny started thinking about what Harry said. _'How can we be going back to Hogwarts so soon? Didn't we just get out?' _Her mind screamed for understanding and then it hit her. _'That day, walking around, Malfoy cast a certain spell on me, but what could it have been?'_ Suddenly, thoughts of the summer washed over her, making her gasp in fear. The evil thoughts of becoming a Death Eater and torturing her family and friends. _'Why did I think like that?' _The youngest Weasley asked herself.

            "Ginny?!" Ginny looked up and spotted Ron coming toward her. "Are you alright? What happened?" She knew her older brother wasn't going to just believe anything, so she tried to come up with something that would hold him off.

            "Dizzy spell, I suppose. I'm fine now, Ron, really I am." She said, sitting up. He shot her a concerned glance before turning to the rest of them.

            "If anything else happens to Ginny, come get me immediately!" They all nodded and Ron walked out of the compartment. Ginny shook her head in confusion, she couldn't remember what Malfoy had said to her before he placed her under that spell, nor could she remember what spell was cast, but why would he suddenly remove the spell?      

            A hand came in front of her face. She looked up seeing Harry stand before her. "You wanna get off of the floor?" She nodded and took his hand. Her walking was a little shaky, but she could maintain her own stance. Walking over to the compartment seat, she sat down and laid her head back. She needed to think about what had happened that day in June; she needed to straighten everything out. But she couldn't concentrate because she felt someone staring at her. She opened her eyes and spotted Harry staring at her curiously.

            "Want something?" She asked, hoping that he would receive the hint that she wasn't in the mood for small talk.

            "No, not really. Just wondering if you were feeling alright now?" Ginny smiled at his efforts.

            "I'm fine, Harry. Really, don't worry about it." He nodded before sitting down beside her. She closed her eyes once more and tried to think again. Even though her efforts continued, she couldn't bring forth a flashback. But all she knew was she needed to remain far away from Malfoy, under every circumstance.

-ooo-  

            It seemed unreal, but everything was true. _'I've been held at wand point by two-thirds of the Golden Trio thus far.' _Malfoy thought sardonically as he walked back to the Prefects compartment. _'In all honesty, who do **they** think that they are? Perfect Potter and the Mudblood think that can just mess with me?'_ Once he arrived at the compartment, he inwardly groaned, not wanting to have to sit with Weasley and Granger. There was only one other Slytherin in the compartment and that was Parkinson. He sighed as he sat beside her.

            "Dracy, where have you been?" She asked with her highly annoying voice. Draco mentally flinched at the nickname that she decided to christen him with.

            "Is it any of _your business_?" He snarled, turning his head.

            "I was so worried about you." She said, placing her head on his shoulder. Draco immediately heard the Weasley and the mudblood snickering.

            "Get off of me you stupid pug faced wench." He yelled pushing Pansy off of him. _'Ugh, I smell like her disgusting perfume. I'm going to need to bathe for an hour to remove that stench.' _ Pansy quickly fled the compartment, sobbing slightly at the comments that Draco had used toward. Draco looked around and noticed that Granger was staring at him. He stared back, drilling his cold glare into her eyes. "Have a staring problem, Granger? Or do you find me that attractive?" Draco asked smirking.

            "Dream on, Malfoy." She said, turning her attention back to the Weasel. _'I really don't understand why Dumbledore thought that it was a great idea to place the Gryffindor and Slytherin Prefects in compartment together. Father always said that Dumbledore was an insane old fool!'_ Draco sat there bored, wish that he had something do. Since nothing really came to him, he decided that causing trouble would be the most fun.

            "Oh, look at the time." Draco said, standing up. "Looks like it's time for me to go patrol again."

            Hermione stood up and pulled out her wand. "I'm warning you, Malfoy. Mess with anyone and you'll be answering to me!" Ron stood up beside her and pulled out his wand as well. Draco laughed at both of them.

            "Yes, because I'm afraid of you and Weasley, Granger. I'm shaking in my boots." He walked out of the compartment, still laughing slightly. Draco wanted to torture younger years again, but he needed to use the bathroom. Walking over to it, he noticed it was locked. _'That odd, this door is never locked.' _"Alohomora!" He shouted at the locked door. He walked in and looked over at the sink. "WHAT THE HELL?" The person standing at the blood-stained sink turned around. Draco found himself staring into Potter's eyes. "Well, well, well, what do we have here?" He smirked evilly. "I think we have suicidal hero on our hands."

AN: That was another interesting ending... and for those of you that want me to tame the story down a bit… after next chapter I'll try to tame it a bit... but at the moment I cannot promise anything. I'm going to let the story guide me and whatever happens, happens. Well, at this point I'm sure if it's going to be Harry/Hermione, but I think that I can still transform into that J!

sweetfrv


	10. Chapter Ten: Rock Bottom

 SEQ CHAPTER h r 1**Why Should It Matter?**

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

Read and Review no matter what you think!!

If any reader wants me to send them an email saying that the new chapter is up (whether you have an account or not), just tell me and leave your email address in your review!

There may be some errors in this chapter because my beta-readers computer is being insufferable, so I went over it myself. Sorry!! But Jakia, you're still the best beta ever!!!

Chapter Ten: Rock Bottom

            There was an awful pain residing within the soul. Someone dangerous knew a secret that probably wouldn't be contained after that day. And all the teen could do was look down at the ground with immense embarrassment. He couldn't look up into those piercing gray eyes that were most likely filled with mirth and pleasure. However, the blonde Slytherin hadn't said a word since he had first walked in. There was always an expected bout of taunting between these two young men, but it wasn't occurring.

            Harry couldn't handle the silence any longer. "Well, start your damn gloating, Malfoy; you always enjoy my pain and suffering." He still didn't look at Malfoy's face, there was no point in seeing what he knew was there.

            "Why should I boast when I could use this to my advantage?" Malfoy's voice contained an indifference which astonished the Gryffindor. Harry glanced up, spotting Malfoy's steel gray eyes. They remained vacant, not beaming in entertainment or satisfaction.

            "What the hell are you talking about, Malfoy?" _'More like, what the hell are you thinking about?' _Harry thought, unconsciously wrapping his hand around his bleeding arm. "I have nothing that could be used to your '_advantage_'."

            "You may think that, Potter, but that's where you're mistaken." Malfoy leaned against the bathroom door. His black cloak opened slightly, giving the blonde a sloppier look. His eyes were still glaring at Harry, which was beginning to make Harry feel uncomfortable.

            "What are you going to do?" Harry's eyes narrowed, feeling his temper rising. His life was difficult enough without Malfoy messing with him. The despair of the situation was flooding through more with every second ticking away.

            "How much fun would I have if I told you now?" Malfoy smirked before standing up straight and opening the bathroom door. "But Potter, watch your back!" He yelled nonchalantly before slamming the door shut behind him. Harry threw his head back in absolute frustration. He couldn't believe how stupid he had been. _'Brilliant plan, bloody brilliant! Cut yourself in the men lavatory where anyone can walk in. What the hell were you thinking?' _He knew very well what he was thinking. It had been right after sitting down next to Ginny that his troublesome thoughts returned to him. _'CUT YOURSELF!' _had shouted nearly seventeen times throughout his mind before Harry quickly left the compartment. He knew he needed to talk to someone, but the only person that he would've ever gone to, detested him. Harry didn't know what Malfoy had planned, but it didn't sound like it was going make his disgraceful life any easier. Harry quickly cleaned up his arm before exiting the lavatory. He started feeling the effects of his blood loss as he walked slowly back to his compartment. The Gryffindor only hoped that the feeling wouldn't last much longer. He loathed feeling fatigue, especially when riding on a train. Once he arrived back to the compartment, he was surprised to see Hermione standing in there. He walked past her, not attempting even a civil nod. Even if they weren't speaking and he was ignoring her, something about having her presence calmed Harry's inner being, making him have sensations that felt halfway normal.

            "Well, my Prefect duties are calling again, talk to you all at Hogwarts." Hermione walked out, closing the door behind her gently. Harry didn't try to comprehend whether or not Hermione had meant that she'd talk to him as well.

            "You alright, Harry?" Ginny asked, sounding extremely concerned. He turned to face her, noticing lines of anxiety creasing in her face. _'Looks like her mother when she does that.' _

            "I'm fine, Ginny. Just feeling a little woozy at the moment." He panted, finally realizing that he breathing was labored. His lightheadedness was becoming stronger and stronger, but he couldn't collapse or show illness. They would make him see Madam Pomfrey and she would most definitely find the scars and freshly made cuts that covered Harry's arms. He closed his eyes, leaning his head back into the compartment seat. _'Relax and calm yourself, everyone will start becoming too suspicious!' _His mind yelled, making him feel even worse. He tried to fall asleep while having his eyes closed, but he couldn't stop thinking about the inevitable.

What Malfoy had planned for him.

-ooo-

            Fear.

Definition: an unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. And it was the only thing present within Hermione Granger as she finished her rounds on the train. Mindlessly checking for troublemakers, Hermione's thoughts swirled in exasperation. She prayed that her mind was playing harmful jokes upon her, but in reality, Hermione realized that she could only fool herself so much. The paled skin of The-Boy-Who-Lived shot out, warping her vision. Everything around her pointed an accusatory finger toward her without even realizing it. _'It's entirely my fault; I should have never messed with the situation. He was getting better, he wasn't cutting himself. ARGH!'_ Hermione sighed irately before entering the Prefect's compartment once again. Everything around her signaled to the fact that she had both betrayed and harmed her friend. Sitting down beside Ron, she turned toward the compartment door. An invisible force field prevented Hermione from looking at Ron, or even Malfoy. Shame had interlocked itself within Hermione's conscience, making it nearly impossible for her to stay seated, thinking about what she had caused. 

            "Hermione, everything alright?" Ron asked, knocking Hermione out of her concentrative state.

            "Worried about your little girlfriend, Weasley?" Malfoy interjected, emphasizing each syllable with sarcasm.

            "Bugger off, Malfoy." Ron roared. Hermione sighed; they were going to start fighting again. If only they knew there were more important things than their ever-going feuds. She numbly blocked out the insults that flew back and forth as her mind slowly slid back into her thought process. _'I need to talk to Harry. There's no way around it. But how can I confront him about something that broke us apart the first time?' _She pondered, feeling herself more curious about the current situation. _'What if he isn't doing anything to himself? What if everything is made up? What if nothing's wrong?' _But the nagging voice within her wouldn't let her believe that, she needed to find out the truth. Snapping back to her harsh reality, Hermione noticed that Malfoy and Ron were still passing meaningless words to each other. Rolling her eyes, she listened to their bickering for a few seconds.

            ". . . Well at least my father isn't a loser that loves muggles!"     

            "At least my father can live without kissing You-Know-Who's robes! And can stay out of prison!"

            "You prick!" Malfoy went from his wand, but Hermione was faster.

            _"Silencio!" _Hermione screamed, making both boys unable to speak. "You two are incredibly immature! Grow up!" She said swiftly, before turning around and leaving the compartment. Hermione didn't know how to approach Harry, she didn't know if she should even try while still being on the train, but she needed to find out if her assumptions were correct. She slowly slid open the door to the compartment that Ginny, Neville, and Harry were in. Neville and Ginny turned to look. Seeing that it was only Hermione, they sighed with relief. Her eyes evaded their glances as they went directly upon Harry. His eyes were closed with mixture of grief and agony laden upon his face.

            "Do you mind leaving for a bit; I want to talk to Harry." They both got up and walked out without questioning Hermione at all. Hermione walked over to Harry and sat down beside him. Feeling adventurous, she grabbed his arm and pulled up the sleeve. Opening his eyes, he quickly jerked his arm back. However, Hermione had seen what she had been assuming since that morning.

Harry was back at square one.

            "_Don't touch me!_" he snarled. A feeling of unhappiness washed over Hermione as she watched Harry scoot away from her.

            "I'm sorry, I overreacted before." She whispered, practically putting forth all of her energy in that difficult apology. It had been hard to confess she was wrong, especially since Hermione was never incorrect. He sneered, showing his hatred feelings toward his fellow Gryffindor.

            "_You're sorry?_ Ha! You're just sorry because your guilt is eating away at you. Honestly, I don't even believe that you're actually sorry. You're the one that wrecked this friendship with all of _your_ antics. Plus, you've made everything about me weaken again. Your simple apology won't fix the damage _you've_ done." Hermione felt herself tearing up, but she refused to weep. Even when her tears were on the brim and distorting her vision, she refused crying as an option. Harry held his fuming gaze upon Hermione, making her feel even more belittled.

            "Why won't you believe me?"

            "Because apologies are just stand-ins for truthful statements that reside within our souls. Apologizes cannot not be merely stated, they must be proven. I could say I'm sorry for breaking the rules at Hogwarts and I'm sorry for everything I've ever done, but that cannot be held accountable until I proven myself worthy of being forgiven. And you Hermione don't deserve forgiveness. Not yet or maybe never!" He turned his attention away from her, gazing out the train window. It was nearing dark, they were almost at Hogwarts. Hermione felt herself ready to either break or kill Harry.

            "So, proving my friendship to you by taking care of you and telling no one your _horrifying little secret_ means nothing to _you_?" She let the words fall from her mouth, without truly wanting that to happen. She immediately saw Harry's features soften.

            "I never said that I didn't appreciate what you did for me then." He paused as the resentment flowed back into his pasty face. "But I hate what you've done to me now."

            "How can you say what I've done to you? I didn't hold the blade against _your _skin and make _you_ press down!" His accusations against her were becoming more outrageous and Hermione wasn't going to let that happen, even if she wanted to be his friend again.

            "You may have not pressed down or done the actual cutting, but you destroyed me. I thought that you were my friend, someone that would always be there, and someone that loved me. But I see I was mistaken, it appears as if you only thought about yourself."

            "If I only cared about myself, I would've enlightened Moony and the others about what you were doing. That would be showing that I didn't care about what you had confided in me!" Hermione couldn't explain why she kept trying to win this battle of wits, even when she knew she wasn't going to prevail. Harry didn't say anything; he just continued to stare at Hermione. "Listen, I'm sorry. I don't have anything else to state except that. If you don't believe me, then I guess, well, I don't know." Hermione turned around quickly before walking out of the compartment. She couldn't believe what he was putting her through, it seemed so insane. But as she continued on, she thought about what Harry had said. _'You may have not pressed down or done the actual cutting, but you destroyed me. I thought that you were my friend, someone that would always be there, and someone that loved me.' _She knew that he was right; she had ignored him, avoided him, and told him to forget that they were friends. She uttered a sigh before deciding to return to her compartment.

-ooo-

            The night had come with vengeful forces. A large thunderstorm was roaring overhead. Loud pitter-pattering was heard on the windows as gigantic raindrops smacked into the moving train. Darkness had swallowed the outside completely, making it even difficult to see any distance through the window. Sighing deeply, Harry continued to stare out into the dark abyss, searching for what could possibly be done.

He was bitter.

Bitter about being The-Boy-Who-Lived, bitter about Sirius dying, bitter about being so weak, and bitter about not being able to control himself. But what did it matter? If he needed to cut himself to control his anger and emotions, so be it. It wasn't like he was trying to kill himself. 

            _'It's not like **you** haven't thought about it though! It constantly looms as a possibility in your mind.' _A vicious little voice screamed within his head, making Harry remember the time he had actually started cutting.

-Flashback-

            _It had been an extremely muggy day in July of just that summer. His aunt and Dudley had gone out, while his uncle had sat in front of the television, drinking himself silly. Harry had been sitting quietly in his room, mourning with deep sorrow that day. _

_            "Why him?" the Boy Wonder asked himself, placing his head in his hands. He wasn't one to cry at that point and didn't even shed a tear. Dry sobs were coming forth, making him feel worse about everything. Harry got up from his bed and walked over to his window. Aches and pains soared throughout his seeker body from the punishments that occurred only the night before. 'Why me?' he thought anxiously, hoping that somewhere, something would give him a sign. Of course, the sign he was looking for wasn't his uncle standing a mere ten feet behind him, swaying in his drunken state._

_            "**COME HERE BOY!**" Vernon had screamed, giving Harry a jolt of surprise. He hadn't expected to see his uncle standing right behind him, nor had he wanted to see that 'whale' standing there. Harry begrudgingly walked toward his uncle, trying not to show any emotion. Vernon instantly smacked Harry across the face, causing an unpleasant stinging sensation in his left cheek. He continued to stare forward at his uncle, hoping that would the extent of the damage done that evening. "**YOU FREAK! YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE FREAKY PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE ABLE TO SAVE YOU?**" He asked pushing Harry against the wall. A booming noise was heard as Harry made contact with the wall. His legs gave out as he slowly slid down. His uncle then kicked him in the stomach, making the pungent flavor of bile with hints of blood come into his mouth. Harry continued staring, even though his body was now throbbing painfully. Vernon continued kicked Harry, hoping to receive a yelp of pain. _

_But it never came. _

_Harry continued to hold his resentment and anguish inside as his uncle kicked him and pushed him to nearly being unconsciousness. "**YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF TRASH!**" He kicked his nephew one last time before leaving his room, slamming the room behind him. As Vernon left, Harry slowly pulled himself across the room to his bed. Everything was aching and he was barely able to keep himself from passing out. The metallic flavor of blood still rendered in the back of his throat making him gag every time he swallowed. The punishments had been going on since the day he had come back from Hogwarts._

_            Closing his eyes, trying to suppress the nausea, Harry whimpered lightly. He couldn't believe that this was happening to him. The savior of the wizarding world, the one that was going to have to kill Voldemort, the one that just wished that he would have died as an infant. "Why me?" he thought again, only this time the words came forth. There didn't seem to be a way out until a nagging voice came through. 'There's one way. You could kill yourself. Not very hard, slash slash and it would be over. Get your dagger, Harry, get your dagger.' The voice scared him at first, but the idea of not dealing with tragedies that currently faced him, comforted him immediately. Harry slowly crawled over to his trunk, hissing in pain with each movement of his abdominal area. Opening the trunk, he dug through its contents until he found what he had been looking for. The dagger that he had bought a few years ago. His prided dagger that was as sharp as the sharpest razors. Looking at it curiously, Harry slowly rotated it. 'You could end it all. USE IT!' Slowly lowering the blade to his arm, Harry pressed the blade upon his skin. He drug the blade the length of his arm and watched the blood coming to the surface. It started to pool on his arm and pour onto the floor. The crimson red substance made him feel alive for the first time in the longest time, probably since he had lost Sirius in the Department of Mysteries. Taking the dagger back, he made another cut, this one deeper. The blood pooled quicker, giving him the sensation to cut more and more. However, he didn't cut any more, the blood loss and injuries that he had sustained were starting to make the room spin. Harry quickly wiped off his blade and the floor with an old towel. He then quickly wrapped his arm before collapsing from being completely fatigue._

-End of Flashback-

            Harry hated reliving that moment. It was the moment his life had truly hit rock bottom, or so he had thought. But unfortunately, Harry knew that bottom was only the beginning.

**A/N**:  I've decided that I'm going to have a section at the end of each chapter answering questions and such. If you have any questions, I would love to answer them.

GODSPEEDNIGHT- Thank you for your compliments. Face turns red I'm so glad that you're enjoying my story.

TooLazyToLogIn- I thought that having Harry depressed was much better than Hermione because I also thought it made more sense. The evil Ginny stuff will be explained more in further chapters.

suicide-greeting- Thanks for reading my story. I really like yours

TheGreatFox2000- Thank you for the compliments on my writing skills. This chapter will be better in grammer because I sent it off to my beta-reader. Thus far, she has only edited one chapter because I picked her up on chapter 7 and she wasn't able to edit the last two because she was on vacation.

Niahiem Davids- Don't worry, I don't plan on quitting anytime soon because I really enjoying writing this story.

Marisela- I'm trying to point it in that direction. I really would like to see it H/Hr also, but it won't be an easy relationship by any means. (Especially since Harry is dead set on continuing his cutting, which may also lead to other dangerous things.)

Unknown, Sky, Yo, Moi, Me- Thank you for your wonderful comments.

Snapes-lover-and-rainbow- & Lily and James Potter- Yes, quite a shock isn't it, Malfoy knows now!!

Black Betty- Everything that you said in your review makes sense, don't worry . I know that Harry cutting himself isn't the greatest thing, but it creates a lot of angst and drama. Thank you for reading my story.

Bloody Sakura- There will be some Harry/Hermione interactions coming fairly soon. I will be able to tell you that it isn't in chapter 11 (I know for certain on 11 because I've already written it), but in chapter 12, I think that they will become friends again, because Harry realized that he cannot stay away any longer. In chapter 13 and 14, the interactions will become stronger, killing some ideas and plots of others (You will find out what I mean in chapter 12)

yaukira- Thanks for the compliment, I'm happy that you enjoyed the chapter!!

**A/N:** Whelps, that is all I have folks. I hope that you continue reading this story. And please review, I love the feedback and suggestions that I'm being given.

sweetfrv


	11. Chapter Eleven: Continuing to Weaken

**Why Should It Matter?**

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

Read and Review no matter what you think!!

If any reader wants me to send them an email saying that the new chapter is up (whether you have an account or not), just tell me and leave your email address in your review!

Thanks to my wonderful beta-reader, this chapter should be perfect!! Jakia, you rock!!! You're the best beta-reader ever!!!!

Chapter Eleven: Continuing to Weaken

Familiarness surrounded almost everyone as they walked off the Hogwarts Express. Hogwarts would definitely be a joyful sight to the sore eyes even through the dark sky and pouring rain. Walking quickly over to the carriages, people piled in with their friends, chatting animatedly. Everyone and everything seemed to have lifted spirits just being back at the magnificent castle. Yet even in all of the excitement, Harry Potter sighed heavily. He had very apathetic feelings arising from being back at Hogwarts. Every time he came back, another plot for him to die was set. It never seemed to go away. There were so many things that were already wrong with this year that Harry didn't know if he'd be able to control his temper. Not that he had done well with that last year, either. Watching the others in his carriage talking about everything that would be occurring during the school year made him feel like an outcast. He continued to hold his silence until the carriages had reached the castle. Being the last one out of the carriage, he stood quietly in front of the extravagant school, staring up at its wonders.

"Do I even belong here anymore?" Harry whispered to himself, not really wanting to enter the castle at all. The rain soaked through his school robes, sent shivers up and down his spine. What was the point of being a part of the wizarding world when the people only cared about you if you conquered over Voldemort or not? Why continue being a part of everything when your Headmaster hid nearly everything from you until it was too late? Turning around, facing the carriages with the thestrals, Harry knew he could run away at that moment. He could hide from everything; he would never have to face his peers and professors. Everything could be easier for The-Boy-Who-Lived.

But his conscience wouldn't let him run.

Hesitating greatly, Harry took small steps up the stairs, slowly climbing them, and entered the castle. He was instantly hit, like a bludger to the head, with all of the memories of last year. Umbridge, being banned from Quidditch, destroying several possessions that had belonged to Dumbledore, and most importantly, losing Sirius. Even though Sirius's death had happened in the Department of Mysteries, he thought about it constantly. Staring down at the ground, he closed his emerald green eyes. His lip was trembling while he was being soaked to the bone. The need to turn around and run right out of the castle, never to return to Hogwarts, had suddenly returned.

"Harry?" He looked up and saw Ron standing a mere five feet away from him. "Are you coming to the Great Hall?"

"I really don't want to. I'm feeling rather tired." He muttered unhappily. There was something about going into the Great Hall that Harry didn't like. Being stared at like a science experiment that didn't sound appeasing either. The whispers would spread along with the stares, and Harry was positive he wasn't stable enough to deal with that this evening. On top of that, there were other reasons that Harry didn't want to go to the Great Hall, but he couldn't tell Ron those reasons.

"If you want to go ahead up to the tower, I can tell you the password. Since I'm a Prefect, I know the password already. It's 'knighted bravery'." Harry smiled at Ron, feeling a great gratitude toward his best friend for being a Prefect.

"Thanks Ron." Harry said, walking away. Feelings were swelling inside of his chest, making breathing and moving hard. He walked slowly up to the Gryffindor Tower, not really wanting to go there, but it was the only place that seemed logical. The dark-haired teen was incredibly exhausted and wanted nothing more than to be sleeping. _'At least I don't have to worry about anything when I'm sleeping.' _He thought grimly, only wishing that he didn't have to escape his problems by hiding from everyone. When he finally made it to the Gryffindor Tower, Harry stood in front of the Gryffindor resident portrait, the Fat Lady.

"Here awful early, aren't you dear?" He nodded slowly.

"Knighted bravery." The portrait swung open, revealing the common room. His emotions that had been growing stronger and stronger finally exploded inside of Harry. Tears streamed down his face as he glanced over at the fireplace. He wanted nothing more than to have Sirius's face pop into the flames and tell him that everything was okay. Flopping down on one of the comfy chairs, Harry pulled his knees into his chest. Trying to calm himself, Harry took deep, quivering breaths. He could see being at Hogwarts was going to be just as bad is being at Grimmauld Place and Privet Drive. But at least at those places he didn't have damned Malfoy blackmailing him and Hermione trying to apologize for overreacting. Everything around him seemed to being getting dimmer and distant. Closing his eyes, he quickly drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

-ooo-

Loud, booming voices were still chatting lively. The excitement of watching the Sorting Hat ceremony had long passed as all of the first years students were already amongst their respectful houses. The few conversations that could still be heard were about one person.

Harry Potter.

Many people had been scanning the Gryffindor Table, trying to find the _savior of the wizarding world_. Many of the professor had noticed his absence and were slightly worried about the Gryffindor. They weren't the only ones, however.

Hermione felt a deep anxiety all throughout the sorting and couldn't wait until it ended. But then Ron had told her that Harry had gone up to get some sleep. Hermione stared distractedly from her empty plate to the Great Hall doors. Ron and Ginny both noticed her strange behavior.

"Something wrong, Hermione?" Ginny asked, nearly scaring Hermione to death. She didn't think that anyone was analyzing her that closely.

"Yeah, you haven't eaten anything." Ron said, stuffing more food into his mouth. Hermione stomach jumped at the sight of Ron gorging himself with the chicken breast.

"Nothing's wrong." She said, almost too quickly. "I'm not really hungry this evening. Nerves, I suppose. I'm just worried about the classes, after all, they are going to be much harder at this year." She tried to portray her classic bookworm style, but she figured that she was failing horribly.

Both her friends laughed at her, shaking their heads. "First hour here and you're already worried about classes." Ginny said, trying to get recover her composure.

"Well, that's our 'Mione for you, always worried about everything." Ron said, quieting up after that. Hermione and Ginny were both shocked at his response, he usually taunted her for being 'an insufferable bookworm'. _'If I wasn't a Prefect, I would go up to the Gryffindor Tower right this minute. Stupid duties!'_

Looking around the Great Hall, Hermione spotted Malfoy, sitting silently. It looked as if he was thinking, which was unusual for Malfoy. He was usually taunting younger students or making trouble for the Gryffindors. She could see his cold gray eyes fluctuating between several different emotions. _'Probably trying to figure out how to anger Harry, which doesn't seem like a great idea. I wouldn't want to be Malfoy when Harry finally snaps against him.'_ She continued staring at Malfoy, when she noticed him muttering incoherently. _'I wish I knew what he was saying.'_ After about ten minutes, they finally had eye contact. He sneered at her, looking absolutely disgusted with the idea of her looking at him. His eyes went dead again, losing their contemplative state. His glare was like ice, chilling to the soul. It was fixated upon Hermione now.

She returned the glare, knowing that it wasn't as emotionless as Malfoy's, but there was nothing she could do about it. After a few minutes of staring, he finally adverted his eyes to one of the Slytherins that started talking to him. Hermione exhaled deeply, happy that her staring contest with Malfoy was finally over. There was just too much confusion at that point. She started thinking about everything again, only hoping that she'd be able to prove her friendship to Harry again.

"'Mione? Hermione?" She snapped out of her trance again.

"What?" Hermione hissed, not liking the idea of losing her train of thought.

"Dumbledore said his speech and now _we,_" He emphasized,"have to show the midgets to the common room."

"Oh right." She said, rising from the table. "Ron, they're _not_ midgets, I told you that last year."

"Whatever." He muttered following Hermione, trying to group up the first years, all of which looked incredibly weary and scared. Hermione was at least relieved that she could was going up to the Gryffindor Tower. Hermione let Ron talk to the first years this time, because she didn't feel like talking. Numbly walking up the stairs, Hermione rolled her eyes, knowing that they were still quite a ways away. She tried to pick up the pace, but Ron kept pointing things out to the first years, who would stare with amazement. After a half and hour of gawking they finally made it to the common room entrance.

"Password?"

"Knighted Bravery." Hermione said, speaking for the first time since they had left the Great Hall. She walked in first very quickly. The first thing that she noticed was Harry, slumped over in a chair sleeping. Hermione sighed happily, at least feeling better about having Harry alone.

"This is the Gryffindor Common Room. Here you can do homework, play games, or just socialize with your friends. Other houses' members are not allowed in this common room and you may not tell anyone else the Gryffindor Common Room password." All of the small first years nodded nobly. "Now Ron will show the boys to their dorms and I'll show the girls to theirs." They nodded and followed the respected student. Hermione quickly showed the girls to their dormitory and watched their happiness for awhile, before sneaking out of the dorm and down into the common room again. She walked over to one of the other chairs, watching groups of laughing people come and slip away to their dorms.

"Want some company?" Hermione turned around and saw Ron coming towards her. She smiled, nodding lightly. He sat down, shaking his head as he looked over at Harry. "This year's going to be hell for him, I can see it now."

_'If only you knew what's happened already!'_ Hermione thought. Mentally she winced, thinking about Ron finding out about her and Harry hiding his dangerous secret from everyone. "Yeah, but I think once he's back into routine, everything should become a little easier."

She looked over at Harry's sleeping form again. The guilt that she contained wouldn't let her believe what she told Ron, no matter how much she yearned to agree with what she said. They sat there in silence for quite awhile, neither being able to speak of their heroic friend. It seemed insane that everything was happening to Harry, especially since he could use time without stress.

"Well, I think that I'm going to head up to bed. Goodnight, 'Mione."

"Night, Ron." Hermione replied, smiling weakly for Ron's sake. The most horrible thing about the entire situation was that Hermione was going to have to fix everything, while not being Harry's friend. Desperate thoughts hit her, making her stomach do flips. _'What if someone else finds out about Harry? That could prove dangerous, I'm going to need to patch everything up quickly.' _Sighing deeply, Hermione looked over at Harry, noticing he was now awake, staring at her. She held a calm face, looking back at his. He didn't say anything at first, nor did she.

"Is a Prefect duty to make sure that I wasn't going to do anything stupid?" He snarled viciously, his almost-calm eyes immediately enrage with anger. She dropped her glance quickly, feeling sensations of fear and guilt again.

"No." She mumbled, feeling so belittled by the boy she had _nearly_ fallen for. She was feeling so wronged by herself and feeling so stupid for messing with everything, including their friendship.

"Then what?" His tone was a little softer this time, but not by much.

"Why should it matter? You hate me and think that I'm the lowest thing on the planet." She said, getting up from her chair and walking over to the stairway. She looked back before continuing up the stairs.

_'The broken hero.'_Hermione thought sadly, watching Harry pull his knees into his chest and lower his head in confusion. _'But you caused this all, so why did you make him feel worse again? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!' _Her conscience screamed. _'SHUT UP!' _She screamed back, trying to block out everything that was circulating. _'GO BACK DOWN THERE RIGHT NOW, HERMIONE GRANGER!' _Her conscience, which sounded oddly like Harry, argued back.Extremely hesitant, Hermione slowly walked back down the stairs and stood in front of Harry. He looked, his face covered with indifference.

"Listen," Hermione started off. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm the one that caused all this, but I just thought that you should learn from your mistakes. Learning from our mistakes makes us stronger. I just didn't want you to go through the same thing again. It hurt me to see you like that, so I couldn't begin imagining what was going through your mind. I guess that I will say that I'm sorry again. If you need proof, it'll be coming." She said quietly. He stared up at her, his eyes locked upon hers. She searched his eyes for the answers that she desired, but couldn't find them. An eerie silence had found its way between the two Gryffindors, and refused to let loose.

"Alright." Harry said. It was far from forgiveness, but Hermione felt better that he had actually listened to her without blowing up. "If you're finished, I would like to go to my dormitory." His voice sounded weird, something was missing it from it.

"Yeah, I'm finished." Harry got up from his chair and glided past Hermione, looking past her. Hermione eye's followed Harry up the stairs until he was out of sight. _'What's going to happen now?'_

-ooo-

_'CUT! CUT!' _His mind screamed, having everything about him being consumed in such agony. He tried to fight off the urges, taking deepened breaths and counting to ten, but nothing averted his attention from his trunk sitting at the foot of his bed. Tears started to form, making him feel weaker than he had ever felt in his entire life. Slowly he walked over to his trunk. He cursed himself for not being able to control himself again.

Opening the trunk, he pulled out his dagger and stowed it underneath his robes. Walking toward the bathroom, Harry made sure that no one in his dorm room was up. Once in the bathroom, he placed a locking spell upon the door. Taking off his robe and shirt, Harry stared at the cuts of earlier. Each was inflamed and oozing slightly. He winced in discomfort as he ran his fingers barely over the wounds.

_'Find the courage, Harry. Don't cut, stop this madness!' _Hermione's voice screamed in his head, rocking slowly back and forth. But he couldn't stop himself, because before he thought about it again, the cool blade was making contact with his unmarred skin.

Another slash was made.

Watching the blood dribble out of his skin, Harry was mesmerized by quiet dripping sounds that could be heard as the deep crimson substance smacked into the bathroom floor. Picking up the dagger, Harry went to make another cut. _'DON'T! THINK ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS, THINK ABOUT EVERYONE THAT CARES ABOUT YOU!' _Harry told himself, trying to make himself drop the blade. The dagger hit the ground with a sharp _clink_. Harry closed his eyes, trying to numb his mind into a restful bliss, but he couldn't allow himself to fall asleep. Re-opening his eyes, Harry looked down at the bathroom floor and saw that the clothes he had removed now had the large amount of blood that had leaked out on them. Casting a few cleaning spells, the blood was gone from both the floor and his clothes. He quickly placed a bandaging spell around his arm, causing stitches of pain to run throughout his right arm. Walking back to his bed shirtless, Harry threw his robe and shirt on the ground. Then quietly, he threw his blade into his trunk, closing the top. He closed the curtains around his bed and stared up at the canopy.

_'What am I going to do?' _He was beginning to think of the consequences of cutting himself while at Hogwarts. _'That old bastard will try to help me. If he wants to help me, he should go Avada Kedavra me himself!'_ Quieting his thoughts, Harry listened to the storm still raging outside. The forceful winds and raindrops striking against the window provided a calming effect. Their loud noises were also accompanied by the roaring thunder and purplish lightning, which was lighting up the entire dorm room. The wonders of storms, whether they be mental or physical, were eternally astounding. However, the calmness before the storm was always desired. Often it's thought to have returned, but that tranquil period ends up the eye. Harry didn't care about those things, all he knew was sixth year was going to be a pain in the arse.

**A/N:** I know this chapter came really fast, but that is because this one has been written for a long time and I got it back from my beta-reader, who's computer is working again , really quickly!!! (thanks JAKIA). Anyway, the next chapter, which is already 7 pages long, will be about the first day of school and something about a certain someone is going to be revealed!!! (thanks for the idea Jakia) Anyway, hope you enjoyed and please review!! Thanks!!!

coolone007-2 = Don't worry, they will becoming friends again fairly soon, maybe even more

Black Betty= This is going to be a H/Hr shipper and it's going to happen within the next few chapters, actually.

Everyone else= thanks for reviewing on my story... I love the feedback! It makes me so happy to know that people are actually reading what I'm writing!!

Whelps, g2g everyone!!

**sweetfrv******


	12. Chapter Twelve: The Renewed Friendship

Why Should It Matter?

1. Disclaimer: Don't own it.

Read and Review no matter what you think!!

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Thanks to my wonderful beta-reader, this chapter should be perfect!! Jakia, you rock!!! You're the best beta-reader ever!!!!

Chapter Twelve: The Renewed Friendship

The morning had come far too quickly for Harry. The sunshine was beating into the dormitories, making it seem as if the thunderstorm had never happened. Many people were anxious to start their year at Hogwarts, but of course, Harry wasn't. He groaned unhappily as his eyes shot open suddenly. He definitely wasn't looking forward to going through his first day of classes. He was nearly positive that many people had heard about his problems over the summer with his uncle.

That would cause stares.

So would the distance he knew he would be putting between himself and his fellow classmates. He knew it would happen. He knew that he wouldn't be able to pretend that nothing was wrong with him. Sighing, he slowly looked down at his arm. Blood had seeped through the thickly layered bandage. He decided that he would mess with everything later that day, knowing that the morning wouldn't be the greatest time to deal with something like that. Moaning lightly, Harry peeked out of his curtains, seeing if anyone was moving around outside of his enclosed space. None of the others were up yet, which made Harry feel a bit better. He didn't need anyone noticing his bandage and questioning him about it. Quickly moving over to his trunk, he opened it, noticing his dagger lying on top. He groaned, rubbing his arm where it was aching.

He was consumed by his thoughts as he dressed. There were too many things at that moment that seemed to be outrageous. Harry knew that if anyone else found out about his self-mutilation, many problems would arise. Harry would just have to remain careful and try to deal with both Hermione and Malfoy.

Once he was finished dressing, Harry grabbed his school bag and walked out of the dormitory with it. He knew it would be some time before his fellow Gryffindors would be up, so he made his way to the common room. Making his way down the stairs, he noticed someone sleeping in a chair. He moved closer to the sleeping person to realize that it was Hermione. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel or act around her. There was still too much fuzz and confusion when it came to their friendship.

_'But I shouldn't make her miss her classes or breakfast just because I'm angry with her.'_ Walking over to her, he shook Hermione lightly. Her eyes opened slowly, revealing two beautiful cinnamon brown eyes. Harry was mesmerized momentarily before shaking himself mentally. "Hermione, you fell asleep in the common room and if you don't move, you'll be late to class." That caught her attention. She shot up and stood. The female Gryffindor stared into his eyes for a second before smiling.

"Thanks Harry." She said, jogging up to her dormitory. Harry plopped down in the chair that Hermione had just been sleeping in. He needed to clear his mind of everything, including his cutting and his encounter with Hermione. But whatever happened when he looked into Hermione's eyes, made him feel uncomfortable. Something had clicked inside of him, making him think and feel differently. He was supposed to be furious with her; after all, she had been the one that caused all of his problems to intensify.

_'But did she really?'_ He thought, trying to search for the answer.

His inner conscience shot back. _'Of course she did, you know it!' _

_'SHUT UP! YOU'VE ALREADY CAUSED ENOUGH PROBLEMS!' _He sat quietly, trying to rid his mind of every thought that was circulating. All he needed was his book smarts and a calm nature. _'Ha, like I have either of those anyway!'_ He laughed weakly, imagining Hermione smirking at the idea of Harry having book smarts. Before he realized it, people were buzzing around the common room like nervous honey bees. He didn't pay attention to any of their conversations, considering that the Gryffindors seemed rather dull that morning.

"Harry." A voice came from behind his chair. He looked and saw Hermione standing there. "I would like to thank you again for waking me up."

"No problem." He muttered dully, still fairly confused with what was going on with him.

He could feel Hermione staring at him. Harry knew that she wanted to ask if he was alright without even looking. He looked up her, seeing the apprehension that was visibly there. "You can ask if you want." Harry saw confusion spread across Hermione's face; she clearly hadn't expected him to say anything else.

"Are you okay?" She sat down on the arm of the chair. He looked up, fixating his emerald green pools upon Hermione's face.

"No." From the surprised look on Hermione's face, he knew that she had expected an astounding yes. Her emotions sudden slid into a darker mode, trying to convey how deeply worried she was about her companion. Harry watched carefully, seeing everything that was fazing upon his fellow Gryffindor.

"What did you say?" It seemed as though she thought she had misheard what he had said.

"I said no." He sighed, taking a deep breath. "For the first time in my life, I'm not fine and I can't hide it." He said standing up. He started to walk away from Hermione. Hermione reached out to him, luckily pulling on his good arm.

"You don't have to be alone though." She was mystified by everything that was going on, Harry could plainly see it.

"I know. But I'm not ready to accept any help from anyone." Hermione sighed unhappily.

"I understand. But you know that you've got a friend in me, regardless of what was said before. Harry, I didn't want to hurt you."

"I know." He looked at Hermione again. This was the girl that took care of him, the one who had stayed beside him all throughout his harsh cutting moments. Held him when he unable to think of anything but the cutting. She was the only one that knew of everything and the only one that seemed like she would help regardless of the circumstances. Harry looked down at her hand that was gently closed around his arm as she hugged him. He felt an unusual warmth spreading throughout his body, making him tingle with life.

Life.

_'Is there possibly life outside of my small existence and my obsession with cutting?' _Harry asked himself, hoping that nagging little voice wouldn't ruin his thoughts.

Oddly enough, it never came.

Pulling his arm away, he continued looking at Hermione, noticing the girl that had helped him. She was still there, even if he hadn't allowed himself to believe that before.

His concentration was only broken when he heard a voice calling to him.

"Hey Harry, are you going to stare at your girlfriend all day, or come to breakfast?" He turned to see Ron standing behind him, smirking from ear to ear. Harry rolled his eyes, before walking ahead of both of his friends.

He could hear Hermione hissing angrily towards Ron. "Ronald Billius Weasley, I told you that Harry and I aren't dating. You stupid bloke, when will that sink through your thick skull?" Harry smiled, hearing his friends fighting like usual. Oddly enough, Harry felt like he was alright at the moment. Nothing seemed to be bothering him, which made the Gryffindor feel great.

Even alive.

_'I don't know how much longer this high is going to last, but I like the feeling.'_ Making his way down the hallways, Harry still listened to his friends bickering back in forth. _'Another year, another chance.'_

-ooo-

Another year of aggravating, insufferable idiots who didn't have the slightest notion of what they were learning. It always seemed the same, no matter what he tried to teach the students. They seemed to come back every year more stupid than the previous year. The greasy-haired man sighed, leaning back in his chair in his Potions Lab. He rubbed his temples before he looked down at his desk. The schedule he and the other teachers had made was sitting there. He moaned irately, remembering that the sixth years were first that morning. In would come the insufferable know-it-all, Perfect Potter, and Potter's sidekick.

He was amazed that both Potter and Weasley had scored high enough to be placed in this potions class. _'At least Longbottom didn't make it.' _He smirked evilly. _'Well I suppose that there will be more time to belittle Potter, especially since he and Weasley are probably the stupidest students in this class.'_

He didn't care what had happened over the summer. It was ancient history as far as Snape was concerned, and he wasn't going to treat Potter any differently than he ever had. The boy needed to be toughened up and strengthened if he was expected to defeat the Dark Lord once and for all. Severus Snape stood, realizing that he heard footsteps nearing his classroom.

A familiar blonde walked into the room, smirking as usual. Draco was Snape's favorite student, regardless of whatever he did. Yes, he had a father that was a jackass, one who would eventually force him into the Death Eater league. And yes, he could never beat Potter in Quidditch, but there was definitely something about Draco Malfoy's style that Severus admired.

"Is there something you need, Draco? Class doesn't start for nearly a good thirty minutes." There was something innocent in Draco's intentions, he could definitely see it. However, Severus didn't know how a Slytherin could have innocence in any of their intentions.

"I was wondering about self-mutilation, actually." Draco said, calm as you please, in a tone most people would ask about the weather. Snape could feel his eyes widened. "Before you say anything, Professor, it's not me doing anything. Nor is anyone that I know doing it. But I was wondering if you knew anything about the illnesses involved with it. Since I've never had anything such as that, I've never talk to a specialist."

"What do you mean, Draco?" Severus raised an eyebrow, trying to decipher what was on Draco's mind. Why would the young Malfoy want to know about something unless he or someone else he knew really had the certain medical disorder?

"Okay, let me cut to the chase. Is it easy to persuade someone that has a mental disorder?"

"It all depends. Not all cases are identical and there are several types of disorders. Some people are easy to persuade, while others aren't. It really varies with the spirit of the person battling the illness." Draco's eyes were darting nervously around Snape's face, really making the older man wonder if his pupil was telling him the truth. "But, may I suggest, that if you do know someone that is involved in self-mutilation that you either tell someone or don't mess with that person." Severus hissed, feeling very horrible about where this conversation was heading.

"Why not?" Draco asked, before quickly adding, "Out of curiosity's sake, I mean."

"Messing with people like that is risky, it might actually cause them to kill themselves." Draco's eyes stopped darting around his face and looked dead on with Snape's dark eyes. Something wasn't right, Severus thought, especially with his behavior. "Anything else you wish to ponder about?"

"No sir, that was all that I had in mind." He was severely disappointed in the young Malfoy. _'It seems as though I will need to keep my eye on him after all. I'm not sure if he's hurting himself, if he knows someone who is, or if he's just a curious teen.'_ His questions seemed too punctual for the common person, even from Severus's point of view. Draco was a smart kid, but even he wouldn't randomly think to ask about something like that without knowing someone or placing the acts upon himself. It was extremely random.

Draco turned around and started walking out of the classroom, leaving Severus alone to think about what they had discussed. _'Maybe if I pinpoint the cutter, whether it is Draco or not, I'll be able to help the young Malfoy avoid any trouble, whether by his stupidity or somebody else's. That boy doesn't need to mess up, especially with Lucius in Azkaban.'_ Even Severus knew it was only a matter of time before Lucius and the other Death Eaters were going to escape from Azkaban Prison.

Heaving another sigh, Severus rolled his eyes, noticing the time was dwindling quickly, and soon he would have his first class of the school year. He honestly despised the idea of having Sixth Year Potion first things in the blasted morning, but there was nothing that he could do about it now. Walking around the classroom, Severus made sure that everything was ready for that day's classes. He decided on complex notes and a hefty essay for the first class of the day.

He wasn't sure if he was ready for all of those dolts to make error-filled potions. The first potion of the year was always proven to be difficult in past years and Snape was almost positive this year would prove the same. It was a little less than complex truth potion, one that could easily be overpowered by a strong wizard. It was much weaker than Veritaserum, which was rarely ever produced by a class, for obvious reasons..

The truth potion that they would be creating presented several dangers. If even one step was done incorrectly, the potion would become poisonous. But it was hard to identify. The potion itself wouldn't change its physical appearance if created incorrectly, so Severus always had several students taken ill from testing their truth potions.

Before he knew it, he heard voices approaching the Potions classroom, making his blood pressure rise. What made Snape even angrier was the fact that it was the Golden Trio that had walked through the door. He sneered evilly watching the three chat animatedly about the morning events. He pretended he wasn't listening, but tuned into the conversation.

"Come on Hermione, I was kidding." Weasley protested anxiously. "I know there is nothing going on between you and Harry, especially _not_ romantically."

"Why _especially not_ romantically? Do you think that I'm incapable of finding true love?" Snape, who wasn't facing the trio, smirked at Granger's comment. He figured she wouldn't ever find a man that would love her, much less put up with her.

"Will you two shut up already? I'm tired of you constantly bickering about things that don't matter." Potter's voice rung out, sounding _different,_ for some reason. Snape couldn't place his finger on the difference, but he was sure he would figure it out sooner or later.

Snape turned around, glaring evilly at the three. "I'd hate to admit this, but I agree with Potter. You should both pipe down about things that are so trivial." They all glared back at him, angry that Snape had been listening to their conversation. "Listen to me, all of you. Especially, you two," he pointed to Potter and Weasley. "I don't know how you two managed to get into this class, but if you make so much as a nuisance in this class, I will have you chucked out. There will be no special privileges, no matter how _your _summer went. I don't believe in making anyone's time easier, especially when they should have _contacted_ someone. Am I understood?" All three students knew that Snape was specifically directing everything toward Harry. He glowered at Snape.

"Yes Professor." Weasley said quickly. Potter didn't say anything, which seemed to aggravated Snape.

"Am I to be understood, Potter?"

"Why should I answer that? Every year, you seem to irritate me to the point where I mess up or, better yet, you just humiliate me. How can I promise to be under control when you can't even control yourself?" His words stood bitterly, sending more anger throughout Snape.

"I DON'T CARE HOW ROUGH OF A SUMMER YOU HAD POTTER, BUT YOU WON'T SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT _EVER_ AGAIN, NOT WITHOUT SEVERE PUNISHMENT!" His blood was boiling to the point where Snape wished he could have wrapped his bony fingers around Potter's neck.

The Gryffindor stared back defiantly, not saying a word. Snape turned around, walking over to his desk. He hadn't noticed that Potter had stood and was now ready to shoot back his own answer. "I KNOW YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THE HELL I WENT THROUGH THIS SUMMER! I BET YOU WERE RATHER GLAD I WAS GETTING ABUSED!" Before either of his friends could stop him, Potter dashed from the classroom, taking his bag with him. Severus was positive that Potter had no intention of returning to the classroom that day, which brought great joy to him. _'I get to give him detention first class of the year. What a joy!'_ Snape was positive that he would be receiving a lecture from Dumbledore about how he treated the boy, but he didn't care. Potter wasn't going to ruin this class nor was anyone else. Seeing that it was time to start, Snape went to the front of the classroom.

"It amazes me that so many of you imbeciles made it to this N.E.W.T. Level Potions Class, but don't think that just since you've made it this far, doesn't means you'll stay. There will be no misbehaving or commotion caused, or you'll most likely be finding that this class is no longer on your schedule. Also, if you perform poorly on the first two potion of the year, you'll also be booted. Do I make myself clear?" The entire class nodded, some more timid than others. "Now, this class will begin with notes about the first potion of the year. . ."

-ooo-

Harry was literally seeing red. He was so furious that he didn't have the slightest notion of where he was going, but his legs continued to move as though they had a mind of their own. Rage soared throughout him, making his breathing labored. He stormed down the hallways, making his presence known. He was surprised no one stopped him in the halls for all the noise he was making. Snape had no right to corner Harry and Ron, accusing them of, supposedly, plotting to cause chaos. Harry continued walking until he found himself in front of the D.A.D.A classroom. Conveniently noticing that there wasn't a class inside, Harry barged in, shocking the professor greatly.

"Harry, don't you have a class?" The familiar voice asked curiously. Remus Lupin stood before the enraged Harry, wondering if something had happened in the class he was supposed to be in.

Remus had accepted Dumbledore's plead to be the D.A.D.A Professor again because of his difficulty in finding another person to take the job. Another question posed within Remus. "What happened?"

"Snape." Harry muttered, sitting down in one of the available chairs in the classroom. Remus sat down beside Harry, hoping he could possibly calm the teen down.

The words that Snape had said were vibrating through Harry, causing him to lose control. Closing his eyes tightly, he felt magic surging through him. A loud shattering noise was heard. Several moments later, he opened his eyes slowly. A large vase had shattered into several hundred small pieces. "I'm sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it." Remus said, waving his wand at the destroyed vase. It went back to its original form. "What did he say to you?"

Harry went on telling Remus about what Snape had said. More things seemed to be rattling throughout the classroom, but nothing shattered. The werewolf was dumbfounded in Severus's attitude, especially considering he knew what Harry had gone through this summer.

"Now he's going to probably give me weeks of detention and probably already taken a trillion points away from Gryffindor. Remus, I'm not going to be able to handle his attitude toward me. I'm can't and I won't." Remus could see Harry was still extremely upset. He placed a comforting hand upon Harry's shoulder.

"I'm going to talk to that greasy-haired git later. He has no right to talk that way. And if I can't straight Snivellus out, I'm sure Dumbledore will."

"Thanks." Harry placed his head down upon the table in front of him.

"No problem." He paused. "I believe that I have your class next. I guess since you've missed half of Potions, there's no point in attempting to go back now." Harry knew that Remus wanted to talk about something else, he just couldn't figure out what. Lupin wasn't easy to read like other people that he knew.

"There seems like there's something else on your mind, care to share?" Harry asked bluntly, seeing the werewolf smile.

"You're able to read people very well, a talent you most likely received from your mother." He paused, probably seeing if the mention of Harry's mother would make the Gryffindor to explode again. "I wanted to know if you and Hermione patched things up." Harry frowned. He hadn't realized that anyone had noticed the distance between the two. "After all, the first few weeks you were there, the two of you were inseparable. After that however, there seemed to be problem."

Harry didn't know where to start, or even what to say. He couldn't go with the truth because there were many problems what would result from that. "We got into an argument about something rather trivial. I suppose we'll be back on trusting terms again fairly soon. And before you ask about it, I don't want to talk about what happened between us, so please don't ask."

"I wasn't going to question you about it," Lupin said calmly, "But Harry, she's a special girl. Never have a seen anyone so dedicated to another person. The first night you arrived, all bloody and battered, Hermione kept coming down to visit me. She was so worried about you." Harry was listening closely to everything Remus was saying.

He felt guilty.

"She seems to have something for you, much more than friendship." Sending an incredulous look Remus's way, Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I'm surprised you didn't notice anything earlier. You're usually quite observant."

"I don't know what you're talking about Remus. Hermione doesn't like me that way. She's been my best friend forever and, it was probably mainly concern that she was there for me."

_'She doesn't like me, she's Hermione. Just plain, old Hermione.'_ But even Harry couldn't lie to himself that much. He had noticed that Hermione's appearances had changed greatly over the years, giving her more of a feminine look. She had curves in all the right places and was absolutely adorable.

_'What am I thinking? This is Hermione I'm talking about! MY BEST FRIEND!'_ He stopped thinking for a moment. _'Wait, I thought I was mad at her?'_

"Harry, earth to Harry?" He snapped out of his thoughts to see Lupin staring at him oddly. "Zone out much?"

"Sorry, just got caught up in my thoughts."

"I figured that. I need to set some things up for class, so you do whatever you find suiting."

"Alright, Professor Lupin." Harry replied cheekily, receiving a sigh from his parent's best friend. Harry continued sitting in the seat he had been, trying to remember anything that would signify that Hermione liked him.

He came up with nothing.

_'He's insane!'_ He thought quickly. _'But is he really?' _A voice resembling Hermione's shot through Harry's mind, sending chills through his body. He couldn't believe it.

_'HERMIONE LIKES ME!'_

-ooo-

"He had no right to do that!" Hermione screamed, walking out of the dungeons at a fast pace. She was furious with all the comments that Snape had said to Harry.

Hermione didn't think that Snape could be that heartless.

"Hermione, settle down." Ron said, trying to calm the female Gryffindor. He ran to catch up with her. "I'm sure that everything will work out."

Hermione pulled Ron aside, out of the gigantic crowd of students. "Ron, I don't care if everything will be alright and will work out, Snape had no right to say those things to Harry. Harry's been through hell and back, he doesn't deserve that type of lip from anyone." She walked away quickly, ignoring Ron's pleas. He stayed there, dumbfounded.

She was still walking alone, when someone grabbed her arm, pulling her aside down an empty hallway. She figured it was Ron.

"Ron, leave me. . ." Looking up at the figure, she discovered it wasn't Ron at all. She gasped. He pushed her again the wall, holding her hands above her head.

"I believe you've got my name wrong." He hissed. His hot breath baited upon her face, making Hermione worry slightly, even though she didn't show her fear.

"What do you want?" She spat, trying to break free from his grasp, but she couldn't. He smirked, his brilliant blonde hair lying in front of his eyes.

"I know a secret." Draco said, throwing Hermione to the ground. He walked away, not looking back.

Hermione got up from the ground and ran after the Slytherin. She grabbed his arm, pulling him back. He narrowed his eyes, sending a cold look at her. "DON'T. EVER. TOUCH. ME."

"What secret are you talking about, Malfoy?" She yelled. His eyes flickered from childish hatred to something serious. There was something different about the way Malfoy was behaving. He was acting extremely mysterious.

"Stop being so ignorant to everything around you. You know what secret I'm talking about!"

"I swear if you don't tell me what you're talking about, I'll. . ."

He cut her off, "You'll what? Tell Dumbledore? Yeah, then you would have to state your purpose. I'd have to tell him what I know and you wouldn't like the outcome of that. Now, leave me alone, Granger, or I'll do something that I know I won't regret." He turned away from her, walking faster than she had ever seen Malfoy move. She sighed heavily; deciding that she would challenge Malfoy later on. Looking down at her watch, she noticed that D.A.D.A. was about to start. Sprinting down the halls, she prayed that she wouldn't be late to her next class. All she kept thinking about, however, was what Malfoy had meant.

Making it to the door seconds before the bell, she walked into the classroom, breathless.

Professor Lupin turned around, eyeing Hermione curiously. "I'm sorry, Professor."

"Don't worry about it, take you seat, Miss Granger." She nodded, walking to the open seat beside Harry. He turned his head, sending her a questioning glance. She shook her head, indicating that she didn't want to talk about it then.

She tried to pay attention during class, but everything was failing her.

All she could think about was Malfoy's cocky tone and answers. Did he know the secret she figured he was referring to? Or was he just being stupid? The likelihood of Malfoy knowing about Harry didn't seem that great, but something was telling her that he knew what Harry was doing to himself.

Whatever he happened to be thinking, Hermione knew that she wasn't going to mention anything to Harry. It seemed to be unnecessary. But yet again, if she asked Harry if Malfoy had found out, she could put her thoughts to rest.

"Miss Granger, can you repeat what I just asked?" A shocked face breezed past Hermione's face. She turned bright red with embarrassment, knowing she hadn't listened to what Lupin had asked the class.

"No, Professor." Small whispers erupted throughout the classroom. Goody-goody two-shoes Granger hadn't been paying attention?

Lupin walked over to her. "I would like for you stay after class, Miss Granger."

"Yes, sir." Hermione whispered, barely believing that she got caught not paying attention.

The remainder of class, she paid attention as much as she could, but still didn't really comprehend what Lupin was saying. After another fifteen minutes of trying to listen, Lupin dismissed the class.

"We'll wait for you in the common room." Harry said, walking near the door.

"Just go to the Great Hall, I don't know how long this'll take." Ron and Harry nodded, completely walking out of the classroom. Shame and embarrassment circulated throughout Hermione. She hated getting in trouble for any reason, especially since she prided herself on being perfect. She was so busy berating herself; she hadn't noticed that Remus was sitting beside her.

"Now, why don't you tell me what's wrong?" She jumped slightly. Turning her head to face him, she saw that his expression was normal, not angered as she had expected.

"I'm sorry, Professor. . ."

"You may call me Remus when we're not in class."

"Remus, I've got a lot of things on my mind. With what Snape said to Harry, and how Harry and I aren't on the greatest terms. Everything's a bit complicated at the moment." He nodded.

"Well, you're not going to get in trouble; I understand how everything is really complicated for you. Just try to pay attention in the future, will you? I mean, out of you three, you're the one that takes best notes. You'd never be caught up with them giving you their notes." Hermione laughed, thinking about how pathetic their notes usually were. "You're free to leave."

"Thanks Remus, I owe you."

"Don't mention it. Now I'm in need of talking to Severus about his attitude with Harry. See you later, Hermione." Hermione dashed out of the classroom and over to the Great Hall. She just couldn't wait to tell Harry about Remus facing Snape.

-ooo-

The rest of the first day went without incident. Everything seemed to have gotten better since the fiasco in Potions. No one seemed to be talking about the fact that Harry hadn't been in Potions, which seemed to be a relief to the Trio. They were sitting in the common room, going over what they had learned during Potions to catch Harry up. Even though he acted like he was diligently learning everything his two friends were telling him, he wasn't interested in learning what messed up during Potions.

He was exhausted and wanted to go up to bed.

But he needed to talk to Hermione about things and hoped that Ron would be the first of the three to go to bed.

"I can't believe that Snape didn't give you detention." Ron said, looking up from his sloppily written notes. "I thought that you'd be seeing that big nosed git every night until graduation."

Harry rolled his eyes. He hated how blunt Ron could be about everything. "Well, I just glad that Remus talked him out of being a Grade A prick." Ron flinched at how much hatred Harry had put behind his words.

"Well, I'm tired. I think that I'm going to go to bed early." The red-haired teen got off of the couch. "See you two in the morning."

"G'night Ron." Hermione mumbled, still looking through all the notes that she had taken that day. Harry stared at her closely, watching her every movement. She seemed to have a lot of uncertainty with motion.

"Hermione." Harry said, seeing her visibly jump from being caught up in her thoughts. He almost laughed if it wasn't for the fact that he still needed to talk to her. "There's something that we need to talk about." She looked up, questioning him with her glance. "It's important." She nodded, putting all of her books and notes into her school bag.

Smiling weakly, she said, "Alright, you have my full attention."

"I've been thinking about everything you've said to me. From the idea that I need to learn from my mistakes to the fact you helped me a lot when I was weak, I've come to understand that you were right. About everything. Without you, I would have never survived. The cutting and suicidal thoughts would have become too much, thus causing more problems than I would've needed." He paused, rubbing his hand over his bandaged arm. "I just want to say I'm sorry for blaming you for what I'm doing again. I also want to say that I want us to be friends again." Hermione smiled widely, flashing her perfectly straight teeth. "That's if you'll have my friendship again."

"Of course I will. I'm sorry as well, Harry. I should've listened to you, instead of just telling you what you should do."

Harry shook his head. "I needed to learn from my mistakes, I needed to. You were only trying to help and I hurt you by rejecting your thoughts. For that, I'm sorry again."

Hermione placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry about it; I could never truly be mad at you. You're my best friend." Harry wrapped his arms around Hermione, pulling her into a gentle embrace. It was partly gentle because his arm was throbbing with pain that evening.

"There are just so many things that are still bugging me." Hermione nodded, she knew that there were still events that were haunting Harry.

"You've got me to come talk to any time you need me."

"Thanks, 'Mione."

She yawned. "Don't mention it. Well, it's getting really late. I'm going up to bed, I suggest you do the same. Night Harry."

"G'night Hermione."

-ooo-

The moonlight was shinning through the window, casting shadows upon the teenager's body. Thoughts swirled manically throughout his confused mind. There were too many things still bothering him, making cutting still the only solution to the problems he still faced. Holding his dagger in his hand, he looked at the marred skin upon his pale arms.

"Well, no one every told me life was going to be easy." He whispered, pushing the blade against his skin. The blood surrounded the blade, bringing that familiar pain and pleasure into his system. Tears fell down his pale cheeks as he thought about everything that had happened in the past year.

So many people had ignored his pain and agony. Many hadn't thought about his emotions or thoughts.

No one cared.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath trying to calm his nerves. It only seemed as if his life was crumbling like aged mountains. There wasn't a solution to his problem, which was depressing for the young man. Sighing, he pulled out his wand and muttered a healing spell upon his bleeding arm. He then stashed his blade underneath his mattress. Lying his head down upon his pillow, he let his blonde hair fall into his eyes.

_'Who would have ever thought that Draco Malfoy would cut? Hell, who would have ever thought the Boy-Who-Lived had the same illness as I do?'_

A/N:Yes, I know, it was mushy, well kind of at least. There wasn't much violence or cutting, but I guess Harry needed a break from it all.

Answer time....

TooLazyToLogin- Wow, that was a great compliment. As you saw in this chapter, Snape has made his entrance again. With not giving Harry detention, I'm thinking the old Potion's Master cares about Harry a little more than we all think, regardless of how horrible his comments were this chapter.

tiki11- It will definitely be H/Hr, you can see small bits of it through this chapter. But it will not be an east mushy romance because of things that are happening. But since Hermione is basically Harry's lifeline, there will be a lot of interaction.

Jakia- Yup your idea in writing . It was a GREAT idea. Having the whole Draco cutter in there makes it more interesting. Two cutters, one story... this should be interesting.

Black Betty- Well I think that the chapter answered your question about Malfoy acting strange. He's got problems with cutting as well. But there are more open doors with the idea of Malfoy being a cutter. I'm sure not if he's going to try to totally warm up to Harry or Hermione for that matter, but he isn't going to be a git like he has in the past.

coolone007-2- Hmm, you just have to see. Is it Tom or is it truly Harry?? Good question. Both make for a great storyline. You could have Tom torturing Harry making him that they he's suicidal or you could have a really angsty messed up Harry.

A/N: G2G... I have bad news though, I'm computer is broken and I will not be able to get the next chapter out for a few weeks, I'm thinking at least. I'm SORRY!!!

Sweetfrv


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Changes

**Why Should It Matter?**

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

Read and Review no matter what you think!!

If any reader wants me to send them an email saying that the new chapter is up (whether you have an account or not), just tell me and leave your email address in your review!

Thanks to my wonderful beta-reader, this chapter should be perfect!! Jakia, you rock!!! You're the best beta-reader ever!!!!

**Chapter Thirteen: Changes**

The first week of school went by smoothly, excluding the first day, of course. It seemed like the students had settled in and from there everything would be perfect.

But perfection couldn't last.

Ginny still felt confused about the summer that had unfolded without her recognition. She was slowly losing her memories, especially of the wicked thoughts that had transpired over the vacation. But those weren't the only memories she was losing.

Every thought seemed to being disappearing.

Walking through Hogwarts everyday, she barely remembered the names of people saying hi or even the charms, spells, and potions she had learned in her previous years. It was becoming frightening, but something within her stopped the Gryffindor from seeking help. There was an invisible barrier blocking her from reaching out.

Her memory was steadily disappearing day by day, leaving her unsure what was actually going on. It had started on the first day of class.  

At first she ignored the problem. However, as the days went by it seemed like everything was becoming blurry. She first thought it was just stress or a side effect of the spell she had been under over the summer.

Sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room, Ginny sat quietly by the fireplace, trying to write an essay for Potions. Despite as hard as she tried, she couldn't remember anything about moonstone, or its properties when making potions. Her thoughts were growing dimmer as she tried to pull the little things she still remembered about it.

"Whatcha doing, Ginny?" Her brother asked, sitting down beside her. She looked up at him, smiling uneasily. She knew it was her brother, but she couldn't remember his name. _'Why is this happening to me?'_ Her emotions were gurgling within her soul, but she couldn't afford to display them.

"I'm writing an essay for Potions on moonstone. I'm having difficulty with it, but it's probably because I'm so blasted tired."

Ron flashed a sudden look of concern for his younger sister, before promptly hiding it. "Maybe you should go to sleep early tonight. After all, you've got all weekend to write that ridiculous essay." Ginny smiled halfheartedly. _'That's if I have a memory by tomorrow!'_ She wanted to screamed, causing only more things to leave her.

"Well, g'night then." She said, getting off of the floor, taking her things with her.

"Night, Ginny." Ginny sighed, while walking up to her dormitory. Tears of frustration began flowing down her cheeks with every onward step. She didn't want this to happen, but it seemed like all of her precious memories were just slipping away, leaving her an empty shell. Getting into the fifth year girls dormitory, she walked over to her bed, threw her potions book into her trunk, and she slipped into bed, not bothering to undress.

Wiping the tears that were still lingering on her cheeks, Ginny took one last look around the dorm before closing her eyes. She cringed, feeling more and more disappear. _'Goodbye Ginny Weasley!'_ She thought before falling into oblivion.

-ooo-

Impossible.

It just seemed utterly impossible.

_'It doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Why would Draco be cutting himself?'_ The boy, Blaise Zabini, was mystified, and yet terribly concerned for his friend. Pushing his dark brown hair from his eyes, Blaise stared at Draco puzzled, to say the very least. It had been plaguing the Slytherin since the previous night when he accidentally caught Draco in the action, without him knowing it.

Blaise had been tempted to tell someone about the cutting. Several times during Potions, Blaise nearly walked up to Snape, ready to exploiting everything he had seen.

But something kept stopping him.

And now, it seemed like a golden opportunity to simply ask Draco about it, clarifying what he was thinking. But he just couldn't bring himself to walk over to Draco and inquire such things.

It seemed like he had been staring for nearly an hour before Draco had noticed Blaise's eyes attentively glaring him down. Draco sent a questioning glance toward his friend, before he started moving over to where Blaise was sitting.

"I know I'm gorgeous looking, but I also know you're straight." Draco cracked a classical smirk, before sitting down beside Blaise.

It seemed so odd to Blaise. He honestly wondered how Draco could hold such a strong facade in front of him while hurting on the inside. He looked closely at the young Malfoy, seeing things he hadn't paid attention to early in that week. He seemed more pale somehow, uneasy about everything.

Blaise knew Draco had an exceedingly difficult home life. Everyone else believed Draco was treated like a prince, but they couldn't be any further from the truth.

Lucius despised his son and only kept him around because he was the sole heir. Blaise never understood why Draco's father hated him, but was clearly seen anytime Blaise was around.

"Are you okay, Blaise?" Draco asked, noticing Blaise drifting in and out of thought. Blaise knew that his own behavior was peculiar, but he couldn't help it.

The question was burning his tongue, making him want to say what was on his mind. "I'm fine, just thinking."

"About what?" Draco's eyes narrowed slightly, showing suspicion in his fellow Slytherin's actions. Blaise looked up, his dark blue eyes meeting with Draco's silver ones. He knew his own eyes were swirling around with emotion, but it shocked Blaise to look back into Draco's.

They looked defeated.

"Actually, I was thinking about. . ." He drifted off, feeling both idiotic and concerned. Idiotic because he couldn't force himself to say anything about the previous night. Concerned, well that was obvious.

Draco sighed exasperatedly, losing his temper extremely fast. "What's your problem? You're acting odd!" Anger flared into his eyes, diminishing the previous defeated look.

"Nothing's my problem!" Blaise snarled back. He was never one to lose his temper, but anything was possible when he was suddenly facing Draco in an argument.

"Well, then why in the hell are you staring at me strangely, unable to talk to me, and lost in thought constantly?" Draco shot back, trying to level off his voice.

But his _Malfoy Rage_ was getting the better of him.

His anger overtook him, especially when Blaise said nothing and just continued to stare.

"'And nothing's wrong?' You're a horrible liar_!_" Draco sarcastically spat, before getting off of the couch and walking away.

_'I might regret this, but it looks as if no one else is in the common room.' _Blaise shot up after him and caught up with him. Stepping out in front of a fuming Draco, Blaise sneered, "At least I'm not into self-mutilation."

**(A/N: Going to Draco's POV)**

Draco stopped immediately. His face turned as white as snow. Fearful shivers went erratically throughout his body. He dropped his glance, not even able to look Blaise in the eyes.

Normally, Draco would glare back, challenging Blaise, but he had changed. Gone was the arrogant prat everyone had grown accustomed to. And it was all because of that one night.

_'No, don't think about that **night**!'_

"Draco?" He heard Blaise's voice call his name, but he didn't care. Walking around the other boy, he continued onto the dormitories, ignoring Blaise's constant pleas for him to stay.

He **needed** to get away.

Making his way to the sixth years' dorm, he walked over to his bed, plopping down on it.

He felt paralyzed as he stared up at the canopy. He didn't want _anyone_ to know of his problem, especially not a fellow Slytherin. The thought of being taunted for cutting would be enough to push him to suicide.

"Draco?" Blaise was nearing him. Blaise sat down next to Draco's laying form, staring curiously at the blonde. Draco couldn't provoke himself to speak.

He couldn't explain to Blaise that he was a mere shell of himself. Nor could he tell him everything up until that point at school has been an act.

Finally finding his voice, Draco said emotionless, "Blaise, leave me alone." He knew his pleading was a lost cause, because Blaise wouldn't do that. Blaise was too nice, too _un-Slytherin_ to leave Draco alone. Everyone often wondered how Blaise got sorted into Slytherin in the first place.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me why." He said gently, which truly scratched at Draco's nerves. He hated pity or concern. He didn't deserve anyone caring about him.

"You wouldn't understand!" Draco shouted, getting up from his bed, running out of the dormitory, leaving a dumbfounded Blaise behind.

-ooo-

There definitely was a lighter mood about the castle. Everything seemed to be back where it should belong and in a painfully honesty, it was.

Hermione looked up at Harry, who was sitting across from her. They were in the library, doing research for a project that had been assigned in Transfiguration. Hermione had been shocked when Harry had asked her to be his partner, instead of Ron. _'This has been an incredible week. Harry and I are friends again and nothing seems to be troubling him.'_ Sighing with contentment, Hermione looked back down at her book, looking for key factors that Professor McGonagall had mentioned during class.

"Having any luck?" Hermione looked up, seeing that Harry had closed his book. She shook her head, following suit as she closed her book as well. "There's always the rest of the weekend."

"Excellent point. I wanted to visit Remus before curfew, wanna come along?" Hermione asked Harry, who nodded in return. Packing up their things, they made their way over to the DADA classroom.

Hermione started the conversation, feeling odd about the silence that had slowly taken over. "So, have you talked to Dumbledore about your Quidditch ban yet?"

Harry sighed, "I'm not sure that I want to play Quidditch this year." Hermione's eyes widened at his comment. Was she hearing everything clearly? Harry didn't want to rejoin Quidditch? Hermione didn't know how to respond to something like that. Quidditch had always been Harry's life.

Sometimes, it seemed like it was the only thing holding Harry together.

"Well, whatever you decide, make sure it's truly what you want." Hermione finally said, hoping that the answer would satisfy Harry. He smiled at her, making her weak at the knees. She loved his smile. _'Oy, I'm doing it again.' _Once they arrived to the DADA classroom, they walked in, finding Remus sitting at this desk, checking essays. He looked up, spotting the two teenagers standing before him.

"Can I help you two?" He asked, pulling a phony teacher facade upon them. They all laughed at Remus' antics. "What're you two up to? Causing trouble, most likely. Sit down." Hermione noticed how chipper Remus always seemed whenever she and Harry visited him. They sat down in front of his desk. "So what brings you here?"

"We just wanted to visit before curfew." Hermione replied shortly. "I wanted to know if the Order has found any information on Voldemort lately." Hermione noticed Harry shutter slightly at the mention of Voldemort's name, which was unusual. _'He didn't mind saying his name before. I wonder what's going on?'_

Remus pulled out his wand, closing the classroom door and placing a silencing charm upon the room. "He's been lying low lately, which is surprising. Dumbledore would have thought that Voldemort would have several attacks by now. Everything is awfully suspicious."

Harry looked like he was slightly confused. "What about Snape, isn't he able to feed the Order information?"

"That's the odd thing; Voldemort hasn't been calling the Death Eaters that much. When he does, only the Death Eaters that in the inner circle are told things. Snape hasn't been told much of anything lately. The whole ordeal is becoming very chaotic and frustrating, especially without the feedback we were receiving before." Remus looked deep within thought as he tried to explain everything that was going on.

"So the Order's clueless on when an attack could possibly occur?" Remus nodded to Hermione's question.

"Unfortunately, the only way I see it clear for us to know if Voldemort is attacking is through me." Harry muttered quietly. Hermione glared. "It's how it always goes! 'Depend on Harry Potter, he'll make everything better'." Getting up from his seat, he bolted out of the classroom before either Remus or Hermione could protest.

"I better go after him, great talking to you, though." Hermione said, running out before receiving a response. Harry hadn't gotten very far by the time she got from the classroom, so she tailed him, following his every movement. It seemed strange to the female Gryffindor when she realized that Harry was leading them to the Astronomy Tower. She continued to run, only thinking of what could possibly be bothering her friend, who had seemed in much better spirits before. Once they had reached the Astronomy Tower, Hermione received the opportunity to finally talk to Harry.

But she was shocked when he spoke first. "I don't expect people to understand me. I never have expected something to that extent. But," He paused; making sure that Hermione was paying attention, "it's incredibly hard not to. For once, I would like someone to know, to feel ,the misunderstandings that are associated with being Harry Potter." It seemed like an open invitation.

It seemed like Hermione was going to know.

She sat down beside Harry, staring into his emerald eyes. They seemed so dull, that even the moonlight didn't reflect off of them.

"I want to know." Hermione whispered, feeling the chilly winds blow through open windows. "I want to know who Harry Potter is and why he's so depressed."

Harry sighed heavily. "With all honesty, I don't think you'll ever know." He looked into Hermione's eyes, finally making the eye contact she had been yearning for.

"What's holding you back from telling me?"

"You're the only person the genuinely cares about me. There doesn't seem to be a purpose for your concern. Lupin cares about me because I am my parent's son, the last thing he has of them. Dumbledore cares because I'm the savior of the wizarding world. Ron cares because he thinks that he supposed to, that that's what friends do. But Hermione, you're different. You've never judged me, and you've always accepted me,_ for _me. Not for the Boy-Who-Lived or James Potter's son. It would be to damaging to our friendship if you knew me." Hermione frowned, disappointed that Harry felt that way.

She slowly placed her hand upon his. "Harry, you're my friend and I truly care about you. Nothing would ever ruin our friendship, not even our fight seemed to ruin it. There is probably nothing that I don't already know about you. You just think that you're depression is going to change everything with us. But it won't."

Harry took a deep breath and slowly exhaled it. "It's hard, Hermione. In fact, it's extremely difficult just to hold up my 'Golden Boy' image. Everything seems so impossible, especially since... every death that happens is my fault. I should've been able to destroy Voldemort already." Hermione noticed the look of defeat slowing creeping upon Harry's face.

"Nothing is your fault. Regardless of what you think, Cedric and Sirius' deaths were not your fault. They both died because Voldemort wanted them dead. There was nothing you could have done about it." Hermione paused. "Harry, if it takes me forever to convince you of this, then so be it."

His facial features lightened up, as did his mood. "I just miss him, that's all." He said quietly before getting up from his sitting position. "It'd be wonderful just to see him or hear his voice." Hermione stood up and wrapped her arms around Harry's waist. It gestured seemed to shock both Gryffindors.

"I know you miss him, but don't feel like you're alone. I'm here to talk any time you need me."

"I know, thanks. . . Now, let's get back to the common room before we're late for curfew." Hermione nodded, letting Harry go. As they walked out of the Astronomy Tower something different happened.

Harry grabbed Hermione's hand.

**A/N: My computer is fixed and everything is wonderful again. I hope that you diehard H/Hr fans were pleased with the very last sentence ;-)... Please review and tell me what you think…**

**tiki11**- My computer got fixed relatively quick and I was able to type up this chapter after thinking about it. Heh, I thought that how I did the end was a purty good idea because everyone was expecting Harry. LOL!! The Great Malfoy does have the same illness and there will be a lot more confrontation be the two in further chapters!!

**Pip3**- Yup, Draco Malfoy is a cutter! On the blackmailing subject, I'm not quite sure where I'm taking that yet, so you'll just have to see!

**Nataliaah**- Yeah, the whole Suicidal!Draco thing was an idea from my beta and I thought it fit really well. I mean, it seems as if Draco doesn't have the greatest home life.

**Marisela**- Yeah, if you liked the interaction of last chapter, I bet you liked this one even more!!

**Professional scatterbrain**- Happy that you are enjoying it!

**liz**- Thanks for the complement.

**coolone007-2**- I started reading your story, but I haven't finished because of my lack of time online, but I will continue on with it. Yeah, the idea of having Harry be depressed and Tom fueling the fire is a very interesting plot twist, but you'll have to see what's going to happen. Yeah, Draco wasn't only asking about what he could torture Harry with, he was also concerned about himself. You'll find out more about Draco's cutting habits in later chapters, such as how long he's been cutting and things along that line.

**Nisha**- Thanks for your complement. I know some people don't talk about this type of thing, but these things are real, people can't just ignore the fact that people are cutting. Suicide is real and believe that some people just ignore that.

**Black Betty**- Beta really thought that idea was supreme, so I added the Cutter!Draco to the story. Well, the whole Snape plot is slightly hard to work with, but you will see a difference in later chapters, when something BIG! happens! Well, Lupin hasn't found anything out yet, but he just might. And Harry just might realize that about Draco when something happens. (i know blunt clues)

**doughgurl2008**- Yeah I know, it isn't the greatest thing, both are cutters, but it is how the story is going. lol. thanks for reading!

**TheGreatFox2000**- Updated as fast as I could! And thanks for the complement!!

**Whelps, g2g everyone!!**

**sweetfrv**


	14. Chapter Fourteen: The Ups and Downs of L...

**Why Should It Matter?**

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

Read and Review no matter what you think!!

If any reader wants me to send them an email saying that the new chapter is up (whether you have an account or not), just tell me and leave your email address in your review!

I didn't have time to send it to my beta… so I hope that it doesn't have too many errors

**I APOLOGIZE… for not update for so long. I've been extremely busy and just got time to finish this chapter. It was never supposed to be this long, but since I haven't updated in the longest time, I figured that I would post something big. With school coming, posts will be spaced out, but I'm hoping it is not going to be over a month like this one.**

**Chapter Fourteen: The Ups and Downs of Life**

Unnatural feelings existed briefly before being voided by the constant fear that circulated throughout his body. His hands trembled with worry, unable to understand his carelessness. His secret was no longer a secret, which frightened him. He needed to get away, far away. Running to a darken corner of the dungeons, Draco threw himself down, only to be assaulted by those tainted words.

'_The epitome of weakness.__ You're completely worthless. If you weren't my sole heir, I would **kill** you.'_ Those words rebounded madly, leaving little room for rational thinking.

Draco tried to shake those thoughts, but nothing could remove his father's hateful words. Those heartless words that he muttered on that **_night_.**

_'Damnit, stop it! Stop thinking about that **night**!'_ Leaning against a stone wall, Draco deeply sighed. The only thing that he was remotely happy about was the fact the dungeons had a vast amount of hiding places. He needed isolation away from the watchful glares of Blaise.

He groaned inwardly, _'Blaise knows my secret. He knows I'm a cutter.'_ The blonde Slytherin realized only trouble would arise from that, _especially _since Blaisewas_ un-Slytherin_ to an extreme. He knew that a countless amount of lectures would be coming from his fellow house member, but nothing would stick.

Nothing would ever stop Draco, because he didn't want help. Help required concern and pity, and he was definitely undeserving of anything of that manner. He could only hope his well-placed façade would hold up against to the remainder of school. All Draco needed to do was hold his bitter grudge against Potter for imprisoning his father…

Draco laughed bitterly, sending chilling shivers along his spine. _'Hold a grudge against Potter because of **Father**, that's a splendid idea. And tomorrow, I'll announce my engagement to Granger!'_ He shook his head angrily, thinking of the mockery of the situation. To hold a grudge against anyone on his father's behalf was a preposterous idea. _'No point in protecting the honor of Lucius Malfoy, it's ruined already because I'm his heir. No point in holding resentment when the bastard escaped anyway.'_ The incessant bitterness was growing larger, blinding Draco with visions of that **night**.

_---Flashback---_

_"You're a disgrace! Nothing will become of you!" Lucius said as he grabbed Draco by the neck, slamming the boy into a stone wall. Concealing a gasp, Draco closed his eyes, containing the pain that was now throbbing through his body. He didn't even know why Lucius was raving madly against him, it didn't make any sense._

_"Father, I don't understand!" Draco shouted, only to get slammed against the wall again. This time, his head cracked up against it, making a sharp pain ricochet continually. Opening his eyes, his vision stayed blurred as he watched his father pull out. . ."_

_---End of Flashback---_

"_NO_!" Draco screamed loudly, only to realize he actually screamed. Quickly getting up from his position, he decided that he needed to creep back to the common room before someone, if anyone, came to find the screamer. Walking with his body pressed against the wall, Draco made subtle movements, just in case someone was coming his way. Moving slowly for about five minutes, he finally came upon the Slytherin Common Room again. Murmuring the password, he entered to see Blaise sitting on one of the leather couches. Draco quickly moved to the dormitory entrance.

"Draco, stop!" Blaise hissed precariously. Draco turned around, looking quite stunned. That was definitely the only time he'd ever heard Blaise's voice sound like that. "You're going to tell me everything." He whispered once reaching Draco. Draco looked into Blaise's eyes, seeing only a painful sincerity reverberating through their dark blue cores.

"I don't want your damn concern. Stop bothering me." He sneered, nearly sounding like his usual self. _Nearly._

"Tell me or Snape is going to find out." Blaise replied threateningly. Draco narrowed his eyes, evilly glaring at Blaise.

"Listen to me, Blaise. Stop meddling in things that you shouldn't be meddling with. Be a Slytherin and stop wondering and concerning yourself in areas that shouldn't matter."

"Draco, we've be friends for a long time, regardless if people knew that or not. I should be concerned especially since this is _very dangerous_. Do you have any idea what could happen to you?" Draco rolled eyes, knowing the sanctimonious lecture officially began.

But Draco wasn't going to stand around and have Blaise treat him like an immature little child. "Blaise, I'm well aware of what could possibly happen." It looked like Blaise was expecting more from his answer. Draco smirked knowing that Blaise was looking for gaining knowledge, but Draco would never succumb to that weakness.

"That's all you've got to say?" Blaise asked incredulously, eyes widened with shock. Draco nodded, before turning around without a second thought. Trudging up the stairs to the dormitory, Draco knew that the dark haired Slytherin wasn't following him. He also knew that Blaise wouldn't say anything to Snape about what was going on.

Blaise wasn't cunning enough to tattle on Draco, especially since the blonde Slytherin was possibly his only friend.

Draco sighed once he reached his bed, plopping down upon its cushiony surface. He felt lethargic, yearning for sleep.

Drawing curtains around his bed, Draco allowed himself to relax. That was something he rarely did. Tension was a lifestyle, especially for the young Malfoy who always needed to withhold his perfection, never faltering.

Unbuttoning his sleeves, he pulled them down, staring at the inflamed cuts of yesterday. He sighed, knowing that his cutting was the only thing he could control anymore. Being Draco Malfoy, he loved control. The sense of having a full controlling power over anything put him under a blissful state of ecstasy. With that known, there was just one thing certain.

Draco wasn't going to let anyone take the last thing he could control away.

* * *

The Gryffindor Common Room was quiet again. The only noise that could be heard was the faint crackling of the roasting firewood. The shy light that was emitted from the dying fire illuminated objects, creating shadows that danced playfully with every flicker of the flames. One sole person remained in the common room, thinking deeply about the night's events.

Contentment flared brilliantly, leaving her heart feeling light. The world seemed to be regaining more control every day. She was glad about this, _especially_ since her best friend didn't deserve to suffer.

Holding Crookshanks in her arms, Hermione petted his ginger-colored fur. The week had been great; there wasn't any denial in that statement. All the pieces of the puzzle were flowing together and Hermione hoped that soon, the final picture would be complete.

Of course, the puzzle should be finished when Harry was all better mentally, but there was one other thing that would make everything perfect. Of course, that singular thing was selfish and very uncaring, but her desires needed to be filled. Hermione sighed erratically.

She realized that she was hopelessly in _love_ with Harry.

Whatever she thought wouldn't help her escape those thoughts and feelings that flooded her system anytime Harry came into view. There were certain times when he was looking at her in which Hermione felt like she couldn't breathe.

However, for some unknown reason, Hermione experienced guilt for liking Harry. He seemed to be an unattainable goal that could never be accomplished, never to be reached. Harry Potter was the Golden Boy of the wizarding world, wanted by several girls because of who he was.

But Hermione wasn't like them; she liked Harry for who he was. For the kindhearted person he truly was.

_'But I'll never have him.'_ She thought sadly, unable to sway her thoughts.

"What are you still up for?" A voice whispered, scaring Hermione nearly too death. She turned, body shaking lightly, to see Harry standing behind her.

"I wasn't tired, so I decided to bask in the silence of the common room."

Harry chuckled at her response before sitting down in the chair beside hers. "That sounded like something from a storybook."

Hermione smiled, disregarding the comment completely. "So, why aren't you sleeping yet?"

"I couldn't fall asleep. My attention kept drifting to the window. The moon, even though it's a mere sliver tonight, looked breathtaking." Harry murmured softly. "And there were other things buzzing around." He continued on, sounding like he was talking more to himself than to Hermione.

"Harry, earlier when we were talking with Remus, I noticed something." Harry raised an eyebrow, confused by where she was going. "When he mentioned Voldemort, you flinched, why?"

"No reason." Hermione knew he wasn't being truthful, but she wasn't going to press the matter. There wasn't any point in destroying their friendship over something that probably wasn't too serious. "Hermione, have you ever thought about what the world would be like if I died and Voldemort prevailed? Has it ever crossed your mind that I might not win the battle?" Hermione didn't know how to respond, feeling belittled by Harry's questions. "After all, Dumbledore and everyone else seem to believe that I will triumph. I doubt that they think of the alternative side of things. It doesn't appear like they even realize that I'm only sixteen. I must conquer over all evil because it's my destiny." He paused. "What if I can't destroy Voldemort, what if he's too strong?" After about fifteen minutes of silence, Hermione felt guilty. She knew she couldn't answer those questions.

"Hermione, I don't expect you to answer those questions. The only people that'll answer them are me and Voldemort." His voice stayed strong, but his eyes suggested otherwise. Harry was hiding something, but Hermione couldn't tell what. It seemed as though Voldemort had something to do with it.

"What made you think of that?" Hermione asked, turning her full attention Harry's way.

He turned his head, gazing into the extinguishing fire. "Everything we talked about earlier just made me start thinking. It's just that with all of the confidence bestowed within me, I'm not allowed to fail. And I don't just mean verse Voldemort, I mean with everything. I'm James Potter's son, so I need to excel in and love Quidditch. I'm Lily Potter's son, so I need to get decent marks in school. There's just way too much pressure to have everything perfect, that it makes me go insane. Sometimes, I just wish that everyone would allow me to be Harry, not Harry 'The-Boy-Who-Lived' Potter.

"For some reason, I feel like it's harder to live up to expectations of dead parents. After all, I've no idea what they would want me to. All I have is what others tell me, which makes me feel like I need to mirror my image. And if I don't, I would feel like I'm letting down my parents and destroying their legacy. I just don't know what to think anymore."

"Harry, your parents would want you to be yourself. Everything that you do should be because you want to, not because they did it." Hermione stopped, thinking of something else. "You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. No one should be able to tell you what you should be. Be yourself and if people don't like it, who cares. It's your life and you're supposed to choose your pathways, not everyone else."

Harry smiled. "I'm glad one person realizes that. Thanks Hermione." Hermione returned the smile, glad that Harry liked her disposition on everything he had told her. "Honestly, life would be one hundred times better if everyone understood me like you do." His eyes seemed to be glimmering brighter, giving him a greater liveliness. "Well, I'm really tired now. I'm going up to bed." Hermione nodded to him. "G'night!" Harry said before getting up.

"Good night, Harry." Hermione whispered, watching his retreating back go up the stairs to the dormitory. Sinking down into her chair, she smiled, letting a grander feeling of contentment wash over her body.

Everything would be alright in the end after all.

* * *

It was strange; especially since only moments ago life was wonderful. Everything seemed brighter, more forgiving.

But those were side effects of depression.

Emotions quickly changed, making things that once brought joy, tedious and bothersome. He didn't want to feel this way anymore. He didn't want the sudden ups and downs. He wanted to be stronger than he was, able to fight the urges to harm himself.

Staring at the blade, he looked at himself in the eyes, seeing the fear that was circulating through them. _'What's wrong with me? I was just fine a few moments ago and now. . .'_ Taking a deep breath, Harry pressed the shiny metal object against his flesh, feeling the coolness of his dagger.

_'Oh the memories. . .' _Harry sardonically thought, as the new cut stung with the oncoming of oxygen. The deep edges of the cut quickly became covered with blood as the sticky metallic liquid rose to the surface. A sudden rage formed, causing Harry to throw his dagger against his bed. He cursed himself for being incredibly stupid again.

_'Why in the hell did I do that? I was perfectly fine and nothing was bothering me. Everything was absolutely peachy and I go screw up again. There was no reason to cut, so why did I?'_ Those thoughts swirled, leaving many questions open.

Lying down, he ignored the uncomfortable prickling in his scar. _'One inconvenience after another.__ There has to be more to this. There has to be answer to my problems.' _He paused, looking down at his bleeding arm. The blood was slowing running down his arm, staining the sheets underneath him. Feeling aggravated, Harry plopped his head down upon his pillow. He needed an answer, something that would solve everything that was happening.

_'But what?'___

* * *

The morning sunshine was shining brilliantly through the dormitory. A pair of eyes opened to see foreign surroundings. The eyes shifted around madly, trying to figure out where she possibly could be. Anxiety rose in her chest, making her feel nauseous and uncomfortable. Slowly slipping from the bed, she walked out of the dorm, trying to understand everything. Walking down stairs, she found herself in a gigantic room. Several other people were milling in and out of the room.

"There you are." A voice said behind her. She turned around to see a girl with curly brown hair. The girl looked friendly, but she hadn't the slightest clue of who she was. Her eyes widened, knowing she was unsafe. The brunette stared at her oddly, sending curious glanced her way. "Is there something wrong?"

The redhead nodded, biting her trembling lip. "Who are you? Who am I? And where am I?"

* * *

Silence spread throughout the infirmary. Faces were streaked with tears and set in painful realizations. It felt unreal on several levels that words couldn't describe anything. An empty and angry void filled the hearts of those standing in the hospital wing, looking down at the young woman lying on the bed. Her fiery red hair lay skewed upon the pillow.

"It was advanced dark magic, only the strongest of wizards could have pulled something like this off." Dumbledore said, breaking the ear-splitting silence. "The spell has some similarities to the Imperious Curse, but not completely. When placed on someone the nature of that person is replaced with the personality of the person that placed the curse. The removal of the curse can take place at anytime without being near the person that the curse was upon. With removal, it causes all memories to slip away. If found in time, memories can be restored." He paused, not wanting to continue on, bringing Ginny's family and friends more agony. "In Ginny's case, recovery of her memories is very unlikely. Severus will still brew the potion and I'll still cast the countercurse, but there is little hope."

With that Mrs. Weasley let out a heart wrenching wail, burying her head in her husband's chest. Hermione and Harry stood next to Ron, who looked blank without emotion.

"Professor, can the curse be traced to caster?" Hermione asked purely from curiosity. Dumbledore turned to face Hermione.

"Unfortunately, that's an impossible task. Tracking this certain spell isn't likely because of its origin. The spell itself is mastered with a special guard that prevents the caster from being discovered." Dumbledore looked over at Mr. Weasley, who was still comforting his wife. He couldn't imagine what this was doing to them.

"Professor, would Ginny have known who attacked her?" Hermione sent Harry a strange glance, wondering where a question like that came from.

"No Harry, she wouldn't have. Another interesting twist of the curse comes at this point. The person who casts the curse must be thinking of the person they despise the most for it to work. Then when the curse is removed, the person under the spell then believes that the person most despised by the caster placed them under the spell. If Ginny would have come forward, she would have most likely mentioned that person, instead of the true caster."

Mr. Weasley seemed to have been paying close attention to the conversation. "Is the true caster ever mentioned instead of a falsified one?"

Dumbledore thought for a moment, unable to think of an answer.

"Of course that is possible." A sneering voice came from behind them. Severus Snape stood behind them all, watching the despair slowly spilling over the adults and students. "It's possible if the caster despises themselves the most. Headmaster, I need to speak to you about the potion immediately. I'll be in my office." Snape said before walking out of the infirmary.

"I need to see Severus, so if there aren't anymore questions, I shall be off." No one spoke up, so Dumbledore strolled out of the infirmary, leaving the five behind.

Hermione glanced over at Harry, trying to catch his attention. She really figured that they should leave the Weasleys alone. When he finally caught her glance, he nodded. They walked out without saying a word. Hermione looked over her shoulder before completely leaving the hospital wing. Ron was still standing by himself, looking down at the ground. She could only begin to wonder what was going through Ron's mind.

The two Gryffindors walked in silence back to the common room, unable to speak of what happened. Words simply couldn't describe how this was going affect everyone that cared about Ginny, _especially_ if her memory was never recovered. Hermione didn't want to think about the most likely scenario because of how difficult everything will be for the Weasleys. All the years of loving and caring for someone wouldn't exist. Ginny wouldn't remember growing up, being a witch, or even who she and her family were.

Everything was strange, especially since Ginny hadn't really acted any differently over the summer. It's like she hid everything that she was actually feeling.

Once finally at the Gryffindor Common Room, Harry said the password and the two entered. The common room was completely deserted, which was a great thing. Hermione wasn't in the mood to converse with anyone. She plopped down on the couch, feeling really confused about everything, too confused to question anything else.

"I wonder why she never mentioned anything about losing her memory." Harry said, after pacing the length of the common room. "It doesn't make any sense. According to everything we know about the curse, she felt herself losing her memory the last few days." Hermione knew Harry wanted to talk about this situation, but she wasn't sure she wanted to.

"Harry, we will most likely never know what happened or why she didn't tell anyone. Why even bother questioning something that will never be answered?" Hermione was hurting more than she was letting on. Ginny was really her only girl friend. Without Ginny, there would only be Ron and Harry.

Harry looked at Hermione incredulously. "Is this coming from Hermione, the girl that's been telling me for the longest timeto _never_ give up?"

"Harry, there's a slim chance that she'll ever recover. Were you even listening to Dumbledore or were you too engrossed in your own problems?" Harry glared at her angrily.

"That's right, Hermione. I was engrossed in my own problems. I was planning out my next self-mutilation session. Would you like to join me?" He said sarcastically, boring holes into her brown eyes.

Hermione frowned, realizing what she said and what Harry replied with. Tears started to slide down her cheeks as she dropped her head into her hands. Everything was spinning out of control at that moment. Within a few seconds, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her. She removed her hands to see Harry's face extremely close to hers.

"Harry, I'm so sorry." She whispered, feeling horrible about her previous comments. She looked into his eyes, realizing she had never seen them this close up before. They seemed to be sparkling with more life than ever before. They were so vivid, so perfect.

"Forget about it." He replied nonchalantly, staring back. Hermione felt herself leaning in closer, unable to control herself. She glanced down at his prefect pink lips, wanting to devour them. She hadn't realized that Harry was also leaning in.

And with that, their lips touched softly. A certain spark was felt by Hermione, who had never felt anything when kissing other guys before. His lips felt so incredibly smooth. As they pulled away, they stared into each other's eyes.

_'What just happened?'_ Hermione asked herself, holding the eye contact with Harry. Without notice, Harry leaned back, capturing Hermione's lips again.

_'It's everything I've ever wanted. So why do I feel so guilty now?'_

* * *

Blinding pain formed quickly as the silver-grey eyes shot open. A pounding headache was the last thing he desired that morning. The night before was merely a blur, only coming in bits and pieces. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes slowly, feeling the rhythm of his pounding head.

He needed to figure out what was going to happen now that Blaise knew about his secret. Draco knew that he needed to prevent his fellow Slytherin from finding out the reasons. Somehow, he needed to convince Blaise that he didn't have a problem. And also convince him that he wasn't cutting himself any longer.

It would be tough, but the blonde was confident in his lying skills. Concealment charms would also prove beneficial to Draco, so he knew he needed to brush up on those.

Reopening his eyes, he forced himself to endure the throbbing pain that was now shooting down his neck. Opening his curtains, he looked out seeing that all the occupants of the sixth year Slytherin dormitory were already gone. He shrugged his shoulders, moving over to his trunk. He pulled out a cloak he had gotten last Christmas and grabbed his school bag. Walking to the Slytherin Common Room, very little noise was heard, which brought joy to the blonde Slytherin. He could only hope that Blaise wasn't in the common room.

"Oh Drakie!" He heard a shrill voice scream as he entered the common room. He sighed exaggeratedly. After hearing that, he would take Blaise over Pansy Parkinson any day. He thought his message on the train was loud and clear.

_Apparently not._

"What do you want, Parkinson?" He growled, feeling violent pains in his head with every glance at her.

"You've been ignoring me all week and I figured that something was wrong with you. Are you okay?" She smiled, flipping her hair from her eyes.

Draco rolled his eyes. "Parkinson, I've been avoiding you because I hate you. You're the most annoying female I've ever met. And if _you _were the final woman on Earth, I'd become a homosexual." He turned and walked toward the portrait hole.

She strolled by right behind him and whispered. "I received an owl from your father. He told me to keep you in line or more punishments will be doled out. So treat me kinder or Lucius will know about everything." Draco stopped, clenching his fists. He mentally cursed the man he called_ Father_. He turned around, glaring at Pansy who was evilly smirking.

"You can tell my _'Father'_ he can screw himself. He can punish me all he wants, but he'll never destroy me." Draco turned back around and walked out of the common room. He was happy to see Pansy wasn't following him. He went to his secret place in the dungeons to think. He knew he lied. His father had already destroyed him, but he couldn't let him have the satisfaction. Lucius Malfoy would never know that his punishments broke down Draco's emotions slowly.

Sitting down against the wall, he knew he was in trouble. Pansy wouldn't have any problem relaying those messages to his father. Even though he said he wouldn't mind stronger punishment, Draco knew that was the last thing he needed. But his life had been filled with harsh lessons, so Draco was used to being injured. Getting up from his spot, he began to walk back to the common room. Once he reached the portrait, he decided that he didn't want to go back there. He continued walking through the dungeons, hoping to see something would catch his eye.

Being unsuccessful, he walked toward the potions lab. Draco often liked spending weekend afternoons brewing potions for extra points or just for keeps. Snape let him do anything he desired, which was a great plus in being his favorite student.

Nearing the potions classroom, Draco heard Snape talking to someone. He stopped in front of the jarred door.

"Albus, you and I both know that Miss Weasley's memory will never be restored. Brewing this potion and casting the spell is only giving them false hopes."

"Severus, I know that everything seems hopeless, but this is the last hope that the Weasleys will ever have." Draco was interested in the conversation, especially the part where they were talking about that Weasley girl's memory being gone.

Snape sighed loudly, "Have you looked at this potion? It's highly complicated with several items that are nearly impossible to obtain. Even if Miss Weasley would have come forward, I don't think that her memory could have been spared." Draco heard a book slam shut.

"Temper, temper, Severus. You're our Potions Master; you're supposed to be able to brew any potion that's needed."

"I'm able to brew this potion, as well as others, but I see no point in giving them hope with this unpromising case." Draco peeked inside the classroom, hoping that he wouldn't be seen. Severus walked toward the potion supply cabinet. He opened the doors, looking around at all of its contents. It looked like Severus knew he had all of the ingredients.

"Just brew the potion and give them once last chance at having their daughter and sister back." Dumbledore said, before walking toward the door. Draco saw this and quickly moved away from the classroom door. He hid in a shadowy corner, hoping that the Headmaster wouldn't catch him nosing into other's business. Luckily, Dumbledore walked right by Draco, not even aware of his presence.

_'So the Weasley girl lost her memory. I wonder how?'_ He thought, walking toward the library. His curiosity was definitely getting the better of him, but there wasn't any way he could find out.

Sighing, he entered the library, seeing Potter sitting at a lone table. A wry smirk donned his face, seeing the boy that he had more in common with than any other person. He and Potter were so much alike it hurt, but he would never admit that aloud. No, he needed to torture Potter about his weaknesses so they didn't seem as strong as his own. Walking toward Potter, he noticed he was reading a book on advance charms and curses.

"Planning on killing me before I can exploit your secret?" Draco asked sarcastically, throwing on the Malfoy façade for the hell of it. Potter looked up, his eyes ablaze with emotions that Draco didn't even recognize.

"Don't you have anything better to do than annoying me?" His voice sounded sharply sincere, which was odd. Potter was never sincere toward Draco, especially since they hated each other. "Why don't you go play footsies with Parkinson? Or vow your servitude to Voldemort?"

"But Potter annoying you is exciting, since I hate you. And especially since I know your weakness. So tell me Potter, how much does it take to push you to cutting yourself?" Before Draco knew it, he was on his back with Potter stepping on his chest with one foot. He couldn't breathe well and his vision was slightly blurred, but Draco knew what Potter was extremely irritated.

"_You know nothing about it, Malfoy, so shut the hell up!_ I told you on the train, don't mess with me. Maybe you're too arrogant to understand that, but I meant every word. Pull something like this again and you'll suffer greatly." He removed his foot, grabbed his belongings, and walked out of the library.

Draco slowly pulled himself up, highly irate about how Potter had bested him again. But the anger quickly faded because Draco knew he deserved no better.

However, he didn't understand why he continued on being something he wasn't. The Slytherin knew everything was different with him, but he couldn't totally accept that fact. Some section of his being wanted to believe that everything was fine and dandy. Draco wanted to believe that his father was still exalted in his eyes.

His wishes were futile, knowing nothing could come from just hopeless thinking. Getting completely off of the floor, Draco started walking toward the library exit. Walking down the hallways, he sighed, noticing that they were pretty much empty. He let his guards down slightly, not being as alert as he should have been.

Without notice, Draco was grabbed from behind and pulled into a shadowy corner. He couldn't make out who his attacker was because of the hooded cloak the person was wearing. He was slammed against the wall.

"Let me go!" Draco shouted, only to be placed underneath a silencing charm. The person then placed a pinning curse upon Draco. The hooded figure started kneeing Draco in the stomach, making Draco feel completely nauseous. The abuse didn't stop there. Several punches were placed to Draco's face, making Draco squirm, wishing to break free. The young Malfoy wanted to collapse, just fall to the floor and pass out. But that didn't really seem probable at the moment.

Suddenly Draco saw a shiny object come from underneath the robes. He saw himself looking at a dagger that was shining tremendously in the darkened light. The person held the dagger to Draco's throat, making Draco squirm wildly again. His heart, lodged in his throat, was beating madly. He could barely breathe he was so scared that someone was going to kill him.

A hissing voice then stated, "You should really learn manners, Draco." Removing the dagger from his throat, he placed it a Draco right temple and drug it down the length of his face. The cold air stung the cut, making Draco think of his own cutting. Kneeing Draco a few more times, the mysterious person laughed maliciously, who seemed to be enjoying Draco's facial expressions and agony.

Draco could feel himself getting dizzier and faint. With one final blow to the head, Draco slipped into a dark oblivion, filled with nothing but the constant reminders of tragedy.

* * *

It was nearing curfew and Draco still hadn't returned to the Slytherin Common Room. Blaise was feeling apprehensive; Draco hadn't been at any of the meals that day. He couldn't understand where Draco could be, especially since he wasn't one to study in the library for hours or even converse with other the houses' members. There weren't many places that the young Malfoy could actually be. Getting up from his comfy chair, he grabbed his cloak and walked out of the portrait. He was very worried, especially since he knew about Draco's habits.

Deciding that he should walk to the library, he did so. He looked around the nearly deserted hallways very thoroughly, knowing that Draco could actually be standing or hiding anywhere he liked. After all, Draco contained no fear and didn't care if he got in trouble with teachers. That carelessness had caused many problems in his father's eyes, but Draco always managed to escape _'discipline teaching lessons' _without too many injuries. The walk to the library was a great distance from the dungeons, so Blaise had a lot of ground to cover. Nearing close to the library, Blaise heard a whimper. He couldn't imagine who would be making such a noise. Listening intently, he moved closer to the source of noise. He walked to the dark corner and was sickened by the sight he saw next.

Draco was lying on the floor, battered and bleeding. He gasped, dropping to his knees, exploring Draco's injuries closer. Pulling out his wand, he chanted '_Lumos' _to add more light to the immediate area. The blonde Slytherin groaned painfully with the addition of light.

"Draco, can you hear me?" Blaise asked, voice laden in worry. He looked at Draco's face, noticing both his eyes were blackened and bruised. "I'm going to get you some help." Blaise got up, but Draco grabbed his pant leg.

"No," he whispered anxiously, wincing slightly when he removed his arm from Blaise's pant leg. It almost sounded like Draco was scared of something, but Blaise didn't know what. "I'm fine." He murmured, less nervous than previously. Blaise nearly scoffed at Draco's ill-attempt at claiming to being fine. He looked down at Draco, seeing his clothing was marred, very out of place. His right cheek lay in a puddle of drying blood.

Blaise went back down, "We both know you're not fine. I doubt you can even open your eyes." The dark haired Slytherin replied calmly, lacking the sarcasm Draco would have used toward him.

"I'm fine, damnit, just leave me alone." Draco said, not moving at all. Blaise wasn't sure he could move or just hadn't provoked himself to do so.

One thing he knew was Draco hated charity or anyone showing concern toward him, so helping him would be a pain. "Draco, you can't continue lying in the hallway. You're going to get caught and given detention. Plus, if someone finds you like this, imagine the leverage Potter, the Weasel, and the Mudblood will have against you." Blaise was positive that having the Golden Trip find out about his current condition was enough to make Draco want help.

"Blaise, why in the hell should I care about what those Gryffindorks think? Why should it matter to them? Why should it matter to me? Nothing to that extreme is important, especially when other things are going on in life." Blaise stared at Draco oddly, never hearing his fellow Slytherin talk like that before. _'Maybe he got slugged in the head too hard.'_ Blaise tried to convince himself of that, but it seemed like even he knew something was drastically wrong with Draco. Draco opened his eyes slowly, hissing in pain.

"So, who tried to kill you?" His voice was lightened, but he slowly lost his demeanor when his blonde friend's face flashed with fear momentarily. The Slytherin decided he wasn't going to pursue that area quite yet. "So how do you plan on getting back to the common room?"

"I don't know and don't care." There was a quiver contained within his voice. Blaise knew Draco cared, but he'd never admit it.

"I hate doing this, but you left me no choice. Either I help you get back to the common room or I'll fetch Snape or Dumbledore. And then you'll wind up in the infirmary." Blaise's voice was rough, showing Draco he wasn't messing around. The two remained silent, while Draco contemplated the choices that were delivered.

"Fine." The dark-haired Slytherin knew Draco meant that he could help him. He helped Draco sit up, receiving dangerous looks from Draco, who looked to be biting his lip to conceal gasps and whimpers of pain. Blaise finally got a closer look at the gash on Draco's face. It looked like someone literally took a dagger or knife to Draco's face.

"Think you can stand?" Blaise questioned softly, only to receive a sneer from Draco.

**(Draco's POV)**

"I'm not incapable of walking, Blaise. Stopping being so damn concerned with everything about me." He muttered, using the wall to stand. He winced once reaching his feet, having his abdominal area feel like it was on fire. Starting to walk off, Draco blinked rapidly walking into the brighter light. His headache started to progress quickly from the exposure to the light. He could barely move without feeling stabbing pains shoot throughout his entire body.

_'I'm not looking forward to seeing my injuries once I reach the dormitory. I'm not looking forward to the explanations that Blaise is going to be expecting. Hell, I'm not looking forward to facing anyone.'_ Draco closed his aching eyes, not caring if he ran into anything. He shuddered, having memories flood his vision. He knew he'd never escape everything; it would always haunt him relentlessly.

Reopening his swollen eyes, he noticed that Blaise was now walking beside him, holding the same sluggish pace. Draco could really tell his friend cared about what happened to him

That was hard for Draco to understand. He couldn't understand why anyone would show so much concern toward him, especially since he was such a prick, and so unworthy. But would he ever voice those thoughts? Hell no, he couldn't let himself be considered weakened by anything. They continued walking slowly to the Slytherin Common Room, not seeing anyone along the way. Once reaching the dungeons, Draco trembled mentally.

He was positive it was a Slytherin that had assaulted him earlier. The Slytherins were the only ones stupid enough to mess with Draco. Not that he could retaliate against them with his father calling the shots. The blonde would probably be torn to shreds or killed.

Reaching the common room, Blaise spoke the password. Draco entered first, immediately walking off to the dormitories. He received curious glances, stifled laughter, or sarcastic smirks. Sending them deadly glares, he continued onto the sixth years' dormitory, hoping that none of his roommates were there or were going to follow him.

Draco wanted to break, he wanted to collapse and forget everything that was happening. But he couldn't and he wouldn't. His stoical outlook prevented him from even wanting someone to care about him. It seemed like even Draco's mother, Narcissa, didn't really ever care for her son. Which, according to Blaise, was probably he tried to act tough and snide.

Making it up to the dormitory, Draco walked slowly over to his bed. He lay down, feeling the pain increase with the change of position. He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes tightly, hoping the dull aching would soon surpass.

"Do you need anything?" Draco immediately recognized Blaise's voice. He should have known that his friend would follow him, it was highly obvious.

"I need for you to leave me alone." He mumbled. He honestly didn't understand why Blaise always bothered him, especially with how rude he was to him constantly.

Blaise scoffed, "If you think I'm leaving, you're outta you mind. Draco, you were just brutally attacked and can barely move. Let me help you."

"No." He said quietly, remaining completely still.

What happened next was something that Draco never expected. "_WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU SUCH A DAMN SUFFERABLE GIT? I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU AND YOU WON'T ACCEPT IT. CAN'T YOU SWALLOW YOUR DAMN PRIDE AND LET ME HELP YOU?" _Draco's eyes shot open. He stared at Blaise with bemusement; he was extremely mild-mannered and never lost his temper. **_NEVER! _**Blaise's face was completely red from anger.

"Blaise, you'll never understand." Draco mumbled slowly, never talking his eyes off of Blaise.

"The reason that I don't understand anything is because you won't tell me anything. Draco, I don't understand why you always have to be so secretive and not let anyone care about you." His voice had leveled off, giving him his composure back.

Draco sighed and then winced because of the forced air. "I've gotten very far in my life without people helping me or caring about me. Why start something that involves showing feelings now? You're my friend and I understand you are genuinely concerned about my general welfare, but stop it! Don't worry about something that can't be controlled, it'll just drive you insane."

"The only one that's going insane is you. I don't care how much you won't admit it, but I know that you want help from someone. Deep down, I know that you want someone to hold you and tell you everything will be fine in the end. Just because your childhood was horrible doesn't mean that you can't overcome the hardships of it."

Taking a quivering breath, Draco let everything sink in. He wasn't too sure about actually wanting someone to care about him, but everything else made sense. "Blaise, please leave me alone. I'm begging you. My life is hard and too complicated without having someone constantly wanting to help me. If I need your help, I know where you are." It was an empty response because both boys knew that Draco would never ask for help. Blaise got up from his bed and walked away. Barely feeling conscious, Draco sat up.

The vicious pain once again shot throughout his body, but Draco needed to check out his injuries before even thinking about sleeping. Walking over to his trunk, he pulled out a pair of fresh black boxers and shirt. Slowly moving over to the bathroom, he felt himself tearing up. He commanded himself not to cry; crying was always for the weak. Even though, Draco found himself crying often, he didn't like to if he could control the urges. Walking into the bathroom, he performed a complicated locking spell upon the door. He didn't care if the fellow Slytherins in his year couldn't get in the bathroom. Walking in front of the mirror, he heard it shriek. He ignored everything the mirror was mumbling about him.

Draco looked clearly at his face. It looked like he had been hit with a bludger in the face. Both eyes were nearly swollen shut with deep purple coloring. His cheeks were also several swollen which was attributed to the pain he received from opening and closing his eyes. He looked at the long gash that was on his face. It still was bleeding lightly and looked rather disgusting with the edges cracking and inflamed.

Removing his shirt, Draco braced himself for the hideousness that was probably lying underneath the creased clothing. What he saw was nothing that he wasn't used to, but he hated looking each and every time. The chest was a dark shade of purple with blue swirled in odd places. Several ribs looked to be sticking out in odd angles. In all honesty, he expected everything that was wrong. Taking out his wand, he cast some healing spells upon himself, hoping that the swelling and bruising would reduce. Once satisfied with his overall appearance, Draco walked over to a shower stall, stripping the remainder of his clothing. He started the shower, before stepping in and relaxing underneath the water. It was a long day, a very long day. And it didn't seem like anything was going to get better for a long time.

**A/N: Again, I'm sure for not updating for the longest time. Here are some answers to your questions and comments. Please review and tell me what you thought about this chapter! I'm really hoping to get some feedback on this one!!!! **

**tiki11**- No you didn't miss anything. Blaise was mentioned in the first book only once. They only thing that we knew was that a Blaise Zabini was sorted into Slytherin. For many years now, all us Potter fanatics didn't know if it was female or male, so we used the character to our discretion. But JK announced that Blaise is a boy about a month or so ago. I don't think that I'm going to have Draco fighting for Hermione just isn't going to work -frowns- because he's already out of character.

**Evil Pure Inicint Love**- giggles I'm glad you thought it was sweet!!

**Marisela**- Thanks for your awesome comments, they make me all fuzzy and happy inside. My beta and I agreed that a Cutting!Draco would be a great idea (it was mainly her idea). And Blaise is the one that can be made into anything because the only thing we know about him is that he is male. But I wanted him to show concern someone has to care about Draco... (i guess). And the Ginny situation will only get worse.. (poor girl)

**DJ**- I understood everything, don't worry about it! Thanks for your complements!!!

**Nataliaah**- Are you sure that Draco is truly the one that is doing everything to Ginny???? (grins) You could be right or wrong, all depends (muahahahaha!!)

**REALbluelightsaber**- Yeah, Draco, Mr. Perfect has a harder life than everyone thinks. And I don't think that Harry is going to spill his feelings or thoughts yet.. there is still going to be cutting and dark stuff! I mean, here and there, he keeps telling Hermione things, but he's not going to do anything drastic yet.

**doughgurl2008**- Thanks!! LOL.. I think that I was the first line I wrote and built everything from there.. I needed it to be something like that.. just so everyone could get a taste of fluff before darker things happen!

**TheGreatFox2000**- Thanks for the complements. You are right, it's a sad story, but even the most depressing story needs a break here and there.... but even when H/Hr gets into a relationship, everyone must know it's not going to be cookies and cream. They both have habits that are going to bug each other.. and Harry's problems are going to effect everything GREATLY!

**sweetfiregirl**- Thanks!

**coolone007-02**- That is an interesting twist on the Ginny plot line.. and it might be true.. or not... But will Ginny's memory ever return.. NOW THAT IS A MYSTERY!! (muahaha!)..

**Black Betty**- Yeah, I was trying to figure out where to place the Ginny storyline and I thought this chapter was a great idea. Yeah, the super nice (prolly cute too... lol) Blaise weasled his way to finding out things.

**yellowpages**- I know, it was weird. Thanks, i think that hearing other people's POV beside Harry or Hermione broadens the storyline because Harry isn't the only one with problems. THANKS for the complements!!

**LunaLovegood61**- Thanks. Yeah, for know, Harry is happier!! Yeah, well Ginny is going to go through hell... so this is the least of her problems.

**sadest**** one**- thanks for your compliments!!

**Duke-of-Argyle**-Yup Draco cuts too... The H/Hr stuff got better here.. lol.. more is definitely to come..

**A/N: Well, that is all I have for today… Review please and I shall be working on chapter 15!! Woot!**


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Giving Up Isn't An Opti...

**Why Should It Matter?**

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

Read and Review no matter what you think!

If any reader wants me to send them an email saying that the new chapter is up (whether you have an account or not), just tell me and leave your email address in your review!

**Well, it's almost been nine months since I've updated this story. Let me relay my deepest apologies to everyone and anyone that was reading this story. My last nine months have been full of a lot of changes, writer's block, and poor grades, which have all distracted my mind from writing on this story. Since summer is coming up once again, I will find myself having much more time to write. I hope that you all that read this story before have not completely abandoned it because of my lack of updates. I hope this chapter is not a disappointment. And I will begin writing the next chapter on Friday, so the next update will not be nine months in the waiting. Once again, I'm sincerely sorry for taking this long.**

_**Felicia.**_

**Chapter Fifteen- Giving Up Isn't An Option**

Strange. Unusual. Odd.

Those words described everything, absolutely everything. They described the situation occurring with Ginny. All the aspects of that could easily be illustrated by those three simple, yet complex words.

_However, _that wasn't the only thing that remained strange. No matter what thoughts flowed freely, feelings about _those_ kisses couldn't be shook. Many emotions were found within them, but were those emotions mutual?

That was definitely the irksome question of the hour.

Hermione sighed, it didn't really matter. She hadn't seen Harry since their little encounter of that afternoon. She didn't know who she could talk to, considering that Ginny didn't have her memories; Ron had more important things on his mind, and with curfew coming, talking to Remus was simply impossible. She was perplexed on how to confront Harry. Maybe everything was a mistake, maybe those kisses weren't meant to happen.

The portrait swung open and Harry walked in. Immediately, he strolled over to her, which surprised Hermione immensely.

"I haven't seen you around since this afternoon."

Harry sat down on the couch next to Hermione, placing his book bag on the floor. "I did some homework and thinking. Talked to Remus for a while and dodged in and out of focus." He laughed lightly. "Have you found out anything else on Ginny?"

The brunette sighed; this wasn't where she wanted this conversation to drift. "Nothing at all. Ron hasn't been around, so I'm thinking he's still in the infirmary or he's gone home to be with his family. Have you seen him?" Harry shook his head. Hermione noticed how his dark bangs fell into his eyes, shielding the emotions swirling around crazily. "I'm sure that if anything happens, someone will inform us."

"Hey, you have your optimism back." He flashed a teasing smile. Hermione swatted him in his arm, causing Harry to grimace. The green-eyed teen closed his eyes, "Old habits don't die so quickly."

Hermione was tempted to lift up Harry's sleeve, but too many people where cycling through the common room. The Gryffindors saw everything and Hermione was guessing that they would definitely spot Harry's cuts. "Would you like to talk about anything later, once the common room is cleared up?" Harry's eyes became ablaze, something Hermione rarely enjoyed seeing.

"No." He hissed harshly. _'I'll never understand his sudden mood swings. Harry just doesn't understand that my intentions are pure. What am I going to do with him?'_ Hermione looked in Harry's direction, he was massaging his temples.

"Harry, are you alright?" The female Gryffindor stared in a concerned manner.

"Nothing really, I seem to have a headache that I just can't shake." Just then, the portrait door swung open. Ron walked into the common room, eyes looking red and swollen from crying. Hermione and Harry stared at their best friend sympathetically as he moved toward them. The red-head sat down beside Hermione, his breathing uneven and quivering. The three friends sat in silence, excluding a small noise coming from Ron every few minutes. When Ron finally pulled himself together, he looked at Harry and Hermione.

"She woke up a little while ago. Stared at us all like we were complete strangers. It broke mum's heart." He stopped, being unable to say anything more.

Hermione pulled Ron into a hug. She felt his body collapse into an overwhelming fit of tears. Ron had always been so protective of Ginny. Hermione couldn't begin to understand what Ron was truly feeling.

"They sent me out because they were getting ready to perform the countercurse and administer the potion." He said between painful sobs. "What if Ginny's memory doesn't come back?" Hermione didn't know what to say. She didn't want to say that everything would be alright.

"No matter what happens, we'll be here for you, mate." Hermione smiled when she heard Harry from behind her.

"Yes, Ron, we'll be here for you."

Ron pulled away from the embrace, "Thanks, I needed to hear that." He wiped his eyes impatient before standing up. "I've had a long day and they won't know about Ginny until morning, so I'm going to go to the dormitory. G'night."

"Good night, Ron." The two said in unison as they watching his retreating back disappear up the stairs. Hermione sighed when Ron was completely out of sight.

"And I thought my day was confusing," she whispered. Harry shot her a weird look. She silently wished that she wouldn't have said anything.

"Your day was confusing?" His perplexed looks made Hermione sure that those kisses meant nothing to him. _'If they had meant anything, he would've mentioned something about them already. Or he would have known that was truly the reason I said what I did.'_

She turned her head, glancing into the fireplace, roaring with raging fire. She felt hopeless, just as she had all those times on Grimmauld Place. The two situations did differ, but she couldn't help associate the feelings. "Never mind that, just a little thought to myself." Hermione didn't need to look at Harry to know his reaction.

"You're a horrible liar." His voice contained both seriousness and amusement, perfectly impossible for most. Hermione turned around, looking directly into those powerful green orbs staring her down. "If what you said meant nothing to me, you would've never thought to voice it."

The female Gryffindor sighed, knowing this wasn't something Harry was going to let pass. "Why did we kiss each other this afternoon?" Those words sounded foreign as they escaped her pale lips. Harry laughed slightly at her apparent uncertainty. After he finished laughing, he said nothing. Hermione was bemused. "You laughed as if I'm missing something, yet you say nothing?"

"Truthfully, I'm not exactly certain on why we kissed this afternoon. More so, I'm uncertain about why I chose you to talk to when I faced my problems this summer. My list of reservations goes on forever when it comes to the events since the summer began. So many questions continually flood my mind." He paused. Harry looked around the common room, as did Hermione. It was nearly empty, with the exception of a few younger years hanging around on the opposite side of the room. "The one that puzzles me the most occupies my mind constantly. Why do I cut myself?"

Hermione thought a second before responding. "You've had a stressful summer and—"

Harry cut her off. "What if there's something more to it? What if this problem is sickly twisted with my projected destiny?"

Hermione contemplated Harry's proposed ideas for several moments. Those two questions made sense yet didn't. She pondered silently for a few more minutes, before finally giving up. There was only one clear pathway that could connect everything together. And that clearly didn't seem rational. "You're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"

"That's exactly what I'm suggesting."

"But why? It doesn't seem logical."

Harry laughed bitterly, "What in this world holds any logic? When you have people that murder parents, people that lock relatives in cupboards, and people that choose evil over good; where does the logic come in?" His eyes radiated with a deep knowledge. "Whatever the reason may be, this is what I believe. You don't understand what it feels like. One moment, I'm sitting here with you, feeling completely content and well; and the next moment, I'm sitting in my bed, my hand coveting for my blade."

"It's similar to earlier. I was slightly angry with you because of your accusations. Then when you apologized, everything was better. And you were so close to me. I noticed something about you that I hadn't before. I felt myself inching in, closer and closer—" Harry stopped himself.

Hermione spoke in a whisper, "Having it be similar would be assuming it was destiny."

Harry smiled slightly, "Maybe it is."

And for the third time that day, Harry leaned in, capturing Hermione's lips.

* * *

Sunday morning dawned bringing a violent storm along with it. The turmoil blazing around outside represented much more than it should have. It shouldn't have stood for emotions and feelings; it should've simply remained a storm.

But nature always stood for something deeper and he really believed that. Opening his silver-gray eyes, he looked out the rain-splashed windows. The blackened sky seemed to perfectly match his mood.

The gloom, the anger, and most importantly, the hurt was all embodied within the darkened morning sky. Draco slowly sat up, grimacing with each unsteady motion. He had expected the pain after the events of the previous day. He looked at his wristwatch.

Seven-thirty.

He groaned inwardly, wishing he would've slept for a longer period. Looking over at the other beds in the dormitory, he noticed everyone was sleeping.

_Everyone except Blaise._

Rolling his eyes, Draco got out of bed and hissed out in pain. He slowly moved toward the door and exited the dormitory. Walking down the stairs, he sighed just thinking about Blaise. That boy cared too much about people; that wouldn't get him anywhere in life. Caring about people would continuously cause disappointment, resentment, and upset feelings.

Or at least, that's what Draco had always caused the people that _'cared'_ about him.

As he entered the common room, he saw Blaise sitting by the brightly-glowing fireplace. The blonde hesitated moving toward the couch, but decided he really couldn't prolong avoiding Blaise. Avoiding him would only result in being bothered for a longer amount of time.

"I thought I was the only person that woke up before eight on Sunday," Draco said quietly. He hadn't startled Blaise like he thought he would've. The dark-haired Slytherin turned his head and glanced at his companion. Draco instantly felt uncomfortable being stared down.

"I never went to sleep last night. I stayed up thinking about a few things. By the time I was finished thinking, it was six-forty. Going to sleep seemed pointless by that time." His voice sounded exceptionally drowsy.

Draco smirked, "Maybe you're more tired than you realize."

"Nothing for you to worry about. After all Draco, caring about people doesn't get you very far in life." Plain and simple, Blaise was mocking him. "Don't be a hypocrite. Don't show concern when you won't allow people to do the same for you." There was definitely a strong stab of annoyance within his voice.

Draco admired Blaise's attempts to persuade him, but he wasn't going to cave in that easily. "Remember, I'm an insufferable git. Didn't you listen to anything I said yesterday? Anything at all?"

"Of course I did. But I know you also listened to everything I said." Blaise waited for some indication. When it never came, he continued on, "And you can't tell me that you didn't consider anything that I said. I know that you thought about having someone care about you. You're not narrow-minded, although, you can sometimes act that way. You see the whole picture, regardless of what you've been taught from your father."

Draco shuddered mentally at the mention of his father. "How are you certain of everything you're saying? How can you simply make such allegations; you've no evidence in either direction."

Blaise yawned, "You've seemed to forgotten that we grew up together. You've also seemed to forgotten that I've been your best friend forever. I spent a lot time with you. Don't you remember those times when we'd stay up and just talk? Don't you remember anything from before Hogwarts?"

"Of course I remember," The blonde said calmly.

"Then how can you assume that I know nothing? How can you say that I can't make allegations when I know you as well as I know myself?"

Draco stood up and began pacing. "You may have known my childhood, but you don't know my teenage years. You don't know the pain I've endured or the punishments that took place. Blaise, you only know my distant past because when it comes to my life since Hogwarts, you're pretty much clueless."

Blaise scoffed, "Clueless? The last time I checked, my parents were also followers of the Dark Lord. My father may not be as much of a prick like yours, but I've endured pain. I've suffered through broken bones and strained joints. You're not the only one that has ever experienced punishment."

Draco felt faintly foolish; he knew that Blaise's parents also followed the Dark Lord. However, Lucius Malfoy wasn't his father. "Has your father ever used an unforgivable on you?" There was a dangerous edge in Draco's voice; he wanted Blaise to know he was being extremely serious.

Blaise shook his head. "He's considered it, but he's never actually come close."

"Has your father ever used ancient magic upon you?" The blue-eyed boy nodded. "Magic so ancient that no healing spell or potion can ease your pain?"

"No."

Draco closed his eyes, being assaulted with many of the painful encounters he had been subjected to since starting Hogwarts. "Then Blaise, never say you've experienced punishment. When your father uses the Cruciatus curse on you and when your father uses disturbing ancient magic upon you, you can say you know punishment. But until then, don't compare your pain with mine." He slowly opened his eyes. The shocked face Blaise held was priceless, simply priceless. "You see, you tell me I should trust people. You say that I should let people help me. Well, how do you expect to me trust people or let them help me, when I have a father that uses the most sinister spells upon me. Or when I have a mother that lets him do it. One wrong move with my parents and I end up bleeding or momentarily paralyzed. One word against my father to my mother or the house elves, and I end up cursed and shackled to a wall by wrists in the dungeon. Where can any trust come? Where's the damn love?" Draco took a quivering breath, feeling his chest burn unpleasantly.

"Not all people are like your parents." Draco stared at Blaise with pure bewilderment. After everything he had confessed, Blaise was still forcing his insane ideas of trust and concern.

"Did you just ignore everything I said? Are you even listening to me? My father beats the hell out of me at every opportunity! That bastard made me afraid of my own fucking shadow! And you're going to continue on telling me that not all people are like my parents! I don't care about other people! And other people don't care about me because I'm the son of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy. I'm the son of a Death Eater. No decent person on this earth will ever give a second thought about me because of what I am." His knees gave away and he collapsed upon the leather couch. He rammed his fist into the arm, ignoring the stinging that occurred afterwards.

Blaise frowned, "No decent person? What do you consider me, Draco? I'm not like _them_. I'd rather commit suicide than take the Dark Mark, and you're saying I'm just like them. Do I not count as decent?"

The blonde sighed, wondering how he could possibly explain his side without destroying his friendship. He might not want Blaise to care about him, but it helped having another person to talk to. Or another person against the absolute evilness that existed within the Slytherin House. "You count for being decent, but you don't count when it comes to being outside this. You're in the same boat as I am. You've experienced to some extent what we're against. You know what being a child of a Death Eater can mean. Blaise, you're not from the other side, so you don't count for that."

The brunette nodded, seeming to understand Draco's words to an extent. "So, your father has hit you with the Cruciatus?" Draco nodded, feeling apprehensive about admitting that. Snape or another Slytherin could be listening in. "Does it hurt as much as they say?"

Draco sneered, "You can't describe physical pain to that extent. Anyone who ever thought of depicting the Cruciatus Curse in words was clearly idiotic." He paused and began again, but much quieter. "It completely succumbs your entire body. This unbelievable mind and body numbing pain takes over everything. Breathing is pointless because it only causes more agony. You can't concentrate on anything that would make the pain lesser."

There was an uneasy silence after Draco finished speaking. Blaise smiled after ten minutes of listening to the firewood crackle. "You're beginning to trust." He said nothing more, before getting up and walking to the dormitory. Draco scowled at the truth in that statement. He couldn't believe he had let Blaise know so much. Sighing, he decided there wasn't anything he could change in the present time. All he could hope for was Blaise to keep quiet about everything. And hope that no one else was listening.

* * *

Nightmares had plagued him all night long. Waking up half a dozen times in a cold sweat wasn't ideally a great night of sleep. The boy couldn't help but feeling hopeless, worthless, and eternally cold. The entire situation lacked a general fairness, but he had learned long ago, life wasn't fair.

Along with everything else, he couldn't help but feel partially to blame. He could've paid more attention to his sister. He could've escorted her places she had wanted to go. But he, consequently, had ignored her requests. As his guilt ate away at him, he wished he could rewind everything. It made him wish he could change the past.

But changing the past wasn't possible. So, Ron would have to live with the repercussions of the past summer.

He glanced over at Harry's bed; the curtains were drawn around them.

He wanted someone to talk to. Someone that would understand everything that was circulating throughout his mind and nightmares.

Looking at his watch, he noticed it was nearly nine o'clock. Dumbledore had mentioned returning to the infirmary a little after nine. Stretching out a bit, Ron got off of his bed and walked out of the dorm. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, he noticed Hermione reading a book.

Walking over to her, he called out to her, "Hermione, will you go me to the infirmary? I don't want to go by myself." She placed her book down and got off of the couch. Being followed out of the common room by Hermione, eased Ron's weakened nerves slightly. He refused to think any further about the possibilities of Ginny not having her memory restored. Hermione caught up to him, and walked beside him.

"Looks like you had a rough night," she remarked casually.

He turned his head slightly, "Rough doesn't begin to describe it, not at all." Hermione placed a sympathetic hand upon his shoulder.

"What Harry and I said stands, whatever happens, we'll be there."

"I know. I just don't want to ponder around with the negative thoughts at the moment. We'll know soon enough what's going to happen." Hermione nodded.

They continued their distant walk to the infirmary, remaining silent. Ron wished the entire time that Hermione would've started a conversation because his thoughts kept drifting. He couldn't help but think about everything pessimistic. From what he heard Snape and Dumbledore talk about, he was nearly positive Ginny would always remain a stranger.

He would never have a little sister to protect. He would never have a little sister to fight with. Everything, all of their memories together, their disputes, and their time, would mean nothing. Feeling a lump form in his throat, Ron took a deep breath, trying to settle the emotions swirling around. When the salty tears started stinging in his eyes, he found himself being hugged by Hermione. She never missed anything. And for that, he was everlastingly grateful.

They both knew words of encouragement couldn't be offered. False hopes would only be brought forward.

Once Ron was stable again, they pressed on. Within another minute, they found themselves staring at the door to the infirmary. Hermione opened the door, having the entire Weasley family staring at her with teary-eyes. Once she and Ron were inside, they stood beside the remainder of the Weasley family.

Dumbledore, Snape, and Pomfrey stood next to Ginny's bed. Dumbledore extracted his wand from his robes. Ron looked over at his parents. His mother was beyond hysterical, being held within his father's arms. When his dad nodded to Dumbledore, the Headmaster raised his wand and muttered an incantation unknown to the youngest Weasley boy.

After that, absolute silence rung throughout the infirmary. Every single set of eyes stared at Ginny's still form. The seconds that ticked by felt like an eternity.

Then a cough came from Ginny's mouth. Small movements were quickly happening in her limbs. Her eyes opened slowly, revealing her feisty brown eyes.

"Do you know who you are?" Dumbledore asked, sounding uncertain of himself.

The girl opened her mouth and gave an inaudible answer. Everything after that was a blur to Ron, who could only remember his mother fainting and nearly hitting the floor.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, kind of a cliffhanger, but I didn't want to give everything away with in this chapter. Please review. I would like some insight before I continue on with the next chapter. AGAIN, Sorry for the postponed chapter.**

**That's all I have for this day. I'm hoping to have more before the end of the month. **

**Felicia.**


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Time to Come Clean

**Why Should It Matter?**

By: Sweetfrv

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Fiction is now AU with the sixth book being out.

Sorry I took several months to update again. Life's been confusing. I haven't had any time to write. I should have more time now. Enjoy.

**Chapter Sixteen- Time to Come Clean**

It was completely overwhelming and confusing. The girl wasn't positive on what had happened, but she was convinced it was something serious. All of the faces gleaming brightly gave her a slightly eerie feeling.

Ginny Weasley's head was throbbing, watching everyone in the room swarm around her (with the exception of her mother, who was still passed out). For the life of her, she couldn't remember anything from before school was released for summertime. She knew things had happened since then, but she couldn't remember a thing.

"All right, you lot, clear out!" Madame Pomfrey yelled at all the other people. Ginny was grateful for the nosy nurse for the first time ever. All the Weasleys and Hermione cleared out very begrudgingly. Dumbledore stood at the right of Ginny's bed, sending a very knowing look toward Snape.

"What can you remember, my dear?" Dumbledore asked the confused-looking Gryffindor.

"Everything's completely blurry. I know events have occurred since school got out, but I can't remember a thing." Her voice was hoarse, making most words difficult to understand.

Dumbledore smiled, "Someday, you'll be informed of everything that has happened since the beginning of summer until now. But I believe Madame Pomfrey believes today isn't the day. And because she's the medi-witch around here, her wishes must be granted."

Ginny nodded, "Will I be able to see my family?" She threw a pleading glance toward the stern-looking Pomfrey who was probably considering a negative answer.

"It won't do much harm." Dumbledore said cheerfully. "I have important matters to attend to Miss Weasley, but I shall check on your progress later."

Madam Pomfrey looked at Ginny, "I really don't want to let your family members in yet. You're still in a very fragile state."

"All right, well, can my parents come in then?"

"I suppose so." The older witch walked over to the door and called Ginny's parents in. Her parents quickly rushed to her side and smiled thoroughly. Mrs. Weasley wrapped her arms around Ginny, making Ginny feel completely safe through and through.

"How are you feeling, dear?" Her mother asked quietly, still holding on to her daughter.

Ginny smiled at the love her mother was displaying to her. "I'm feeling slightly confused about everything and slightly tired at the moment." Mrs. Weasley pulled away from Ginny.

"That's all expected, dear. You've had some rough days recently."

Her father gave her a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. "We worried about you, Ginny. But everything's better now." Ginny smiled lightly, she loved her parents so deeply. She yawned with that thought.

"I'm feeling rather tired, do you think I can get some sleeping draught?"

At that point, Madam Pomfrey came bustling out of her office with a potion in hand. "Here's a sleeping potion, drink it when you're ready." Ginny nodded, before watching the elder witch move back into her office.

"Will you two be around when I awake again?" The youngest Weasley asked her parents innocently. Her confusion of everything yearned for her parents to remain at her side. She wanted her parents to be around when things were explained to her.

"Of course, darling." Her mother said joyfully, smiling at her daughter. Ginny removed the cork from the vial that Madame Pomfrey had given her. Drinking the liquid, she felt herself quickly slipping into a darkened abyss.

* * *

Ron and Hermione made their way back to the Gryffindor Common Room after finding out that Madame Pomfrey wasn't going to allow them to visit with Ginny. Hermione had never seen Ron so gleeful in the entire time that she'd known him. The brunette had to admit that she was pleasantly glad about Ginny's recovery as well.

Without Ginny's horrible incident burdening her soul, Hermione's thoughts slid into her sudden budding romance with her best friend. Everything that Harry had mentioned the night before was absolutely confusing, yet perfect at the same time. This deeper relationship was something that she had wanted for quite a while. They weren't officially dating, of course, but Hermione felt like the twosome had a chance.

Once Ron and Hermione reached the common room, they found Harry sitting by the fireplace, staring into the flames. Hermione frowned, wondering if something was wrong with him.

Just seeing Harry in solitude had taken Hermione's frivolous feelings and crushed them completely. Ron rushed over to Harry and Hermione followed close behind. Ron sat in the chair across from Harry, while Hermione found herself setting herself down in the chair closest to Harry's.

"No tears, I suspect that Ginny's all right." Harry said, as soon as Ron had opened his mouth to say something similar. When Ron had nodded, a smile appeared upon Harry's lips. "That's great news. I wish I could have been there when she woke up."

The redhead bit his lip. "You were sleeping and I didn't want to bother. I figured that you went to bed much later than I did." Hermione saw a small flicker of skepticism in Harry's eyes.

As soon as the skepticism came, Harry masked it. "Yeah, I had a hell of time sleeping last night. I'd love to sit around and chat, but I need to speak with Remus before he decides to disappear from his classroom." Harry abruptly said, before exiting the common room.

Ron, who had watched Harry leave the room, turned back to Hermione. "Is it just me or is Harry acting peculiar?" Hermione didn't want to tell Ron about what was going on between the two of them, for obvious reasons. There were too many reasons Harry could be acting the way he was. Hermione really couldn't pinpoint anything.

"I'm not too sure, but I'm going to find out. I don't know if I'll find anything out though." Hermione said, getting out of her chair and walking toward the portrait. When she walked out, she was shocked to see Harry standing a few feet from the portrait, seemingly waiting for her. An inquisitive look passed Hermione's face before she opened her mouth to say something.

Harry smirked and kissed her softly before she could get a word out. When he pulled away, he said, "Let's just say that I knew you wouldn't be too far behind me. Miss Granger, you're very predictable. Now, I really need to visit Remus, so let's head toward his classroom." She nodded and started moving, walking along side her 'boyfriend', or whatever he was. She wanted to slip her hand into his, but the last thing Harry needed was the rumor mill to start up like it did in their fourth year. A comfortable silence reverberated between the two as they made it to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Remus was once again found at his desk, going through papers. Hermione didn't have much of a notion on why Harry wanted to visit Remus, nor why she was accompanying him.

The werewolf looked up, his face lacking the smile it usually donned when Hermione and Harry appeared in the classroom. Hermione had a queer feeling that Harry had told Remus something important during his visit the day before. As a customary gesture, Remus got up from the desk, and motioned for them to follow him. They wound up in his office, a place that Hermione rarely saw the inside of. Remus plopped down in the large plush chair, while Harry sat down on the couch. Hermione felt foreign and as she uncertain of why they were there, she remained standing.

That was until Harry tugged at her hand, forcing her to sit down beside him.

"Now Harry, you told me you had something very important to discuss with me." The green-eyed Gryffindor sighed. Hermione glanced at her best friend, but turned it into a stare when she noticed him rolling up his sleeves. Inflamed cuts ran skewed across his thin, yet muscular arms. A loud gasp came from the werewolf as he moved toward Harry, examining his arms.

"Why did you tell anyone sooner, Harry?" Remus' tone was simply full of concern.

"He did." Hermione said, sounding little. Remus turned his attention toward Hermione. "I knew he was doing this to himself. But, I promised Harry I wouldn't say anything until he was ready to admit it."

Remus sighed, sounding irritable. "That was completely irresponsible, Hermione." Hermione lowered her head; she knew that she was going to hear it. "But very Gryffindor of you." She looked up. Remus didn't look angry, more disappointed than anything, but not angry.

"Remus, you can't be angry with Hermione. You can't be angry with me, because I can't control it." Harry's voice sounded strong, but his expressions said otherwise.

Remus nodded, "Addictions are hard to control."

Harry sighed, "That's not what I meant to say. I physically can't control my urges. I'm not the one controlling myself when I do that."

Remus looked at Harry unbelievingly, "What do you mean? You can't possibly think that Voldemort has something to do with it."

Hermione saw Harry's demeanor drop. That's precisely what he thought and with Remus' disbelief, Harry was just going to end up withdrawing himself again. "That's exactly what I was thinking, but since you're not going to believe me, you might as well throw me into a mental institution and throw away the keys." The underlying pain within Harry's voice stung Hermione's heart deeply. She could only imagine what those words had done to Remus.

"I never said that I wouldn't believe you. I'll arrange a meeting with Dumbledore later for the four of us. I know how you both feel about Dumbledore, but this matter needs his touch." Hermione nodded, but Harry didn't budge. His eyes were set in anger at the mention of Dumbledore.

"We should be going then." Hermione said, noticing Harry's apparent anger. Remus nodded before leading them out of his office. The duet walked out of the classroom, with uncomfortable silence brewing between the two.

Harry stopped Hermione, "I'm going out for a walk. You're free to join me, but I need get out of this castle and unwind." Hermione nodded.

(Harry's POV)

"If you really don't mind, I'll join you." The green-eyed boy smiled and began walking toward the exit of the school. Once they reached the large doors, Harry felt instantly better. The warm breeze collided with his face; bring energy to his spirit. He loved being outside, especially when the sun was shining merciless upon the Earth. Harry looked at his companion, who was staring in the other direction. He wasn't completely sure about his feelings for Hermione. He didn't understand them anymore than he understood the feelings that he used to have for Cho Chang the previous school year. They ended up underneath a tree by the lake.

"I'm glad you decided to join me." Harry said, sitting down, resting his back against the tree. Hermione sat down beside him. Harry had so many things that he wanted to say and discuss with Hermione, but was currently content remaining quiet for the moment. The breeze was slightly cooler coming off of the lake. But overall, it was a beautiful sight.

Harry sighed, closing his weary eyes. He wasn't looking forward to when they spoke to Dumbledore. He didn't want to face Dumbledore for numerous reasons, but mostly because he felt like Dumbledore had betrayed him. Without notice, he felt Hermione grab his hand and gently squeeze it. He opened his eyes, looking directly into her eyes. Nothing but love was concealed within those addictive brown eyes.

"It'll be all right, Harry. And I'm very proud of you. I didn't think that was what you needed to speak to Remus about, but I'm glad you told him. Even if you're going to need to talk to Dumbledore, there might be a solution. And if there isn't an immediate solution, I'll be there for you, through thick and thin." Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper. Her elegance and beauty at that moment was enough to drive the dark-haired Gryffindor insane. He wanted to tell her that she was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid his eyes on. But his words failed him. He removed his hand from Hermione's and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. For that moment in time, everything was wonderful. No cutting, no suicide, no maliciously evil dark lords invading his mind, and no tragedy.

He was just there, existing by his own terms for that moment. There was no control, other than his own.

And he liked it.

* * *

_--Flashback--_

_It had been a humid evening, one of those evenings when riding upon a broomstick in the still air was unbearable. However, he was riding on his broomstick. It was his only escape, the only way he could free himself the manor. His mother was frantic about his father's capture, unsure if her husband would ever be released or escape. This made his mother more irritable than usual, which annoyed the teenager more than anything. _

_After three hours of flying around, Draco sailed into his bedroom window. His Quidditch robes clung to his sweaty body, extenuating every muscle Draco had on his body. Sweat rolled down his face, making him feel extremely dirty. He went to his dresser and removed a fresh pair of boxers and a long sleeved white shirt. Once equipped with his clean clothing, he moved toward his bathroom. Once inside of the bathroom, Draco had to literally peel the clothing he had been wearing off. Egotistically, he stared at his naked body in the mirror. _'Perfection,'_ the young Malfoy thought. His skin was unmarred, even though he had encountered his father's fury more than once in his life. **His father**. He couldn't believe his father was in Azkaban. _

_For some time, Draco had thought his father was invincible, but it seems as though he might have been incorrect about that. Turning on the shower finally, after stalling for so long, the warm water was welcoming. All the grime and sweat from his flying session was running off his body. Draco sighed deeply. This summer was slowly proceeding, which aggravated him to no end. He wanted to return to school where he could torture young students and find amusement. The manor had emptiness without Lucius threatening his life every few minutes. _

_Once he finished washing up, Draco shut off the shower and grabbed one of his large black towels. The texture cloth felt nice against his skin. Dropping the towel, he pulled on his boxer shorts and eventually pulled the long-sleeved shirt over his head. Leaving the dirty clothing on the floor, Draco waltzed out of his bathroom, only to gasp loudly. His father was sitting on his bed, eyes set in a sadistic manner. Draco was frozen to his spot, unable to breathe. His father was in Azkaban, not sitting before him. But as much as he tried to convince himself, Lucius was very real._

"_Where's your respect, Draco? Have you simply forgotten all of the manners your mother and I have taught you through the years?" The classic Malfoy smirk was plastered within his father's voice, making Draco mentally shiver. He didn't hate his father; he just hated his father's lessons and punishments. "Follow me." His father said, walking in great strides, exiting the room. Draco found himself following his father, not by choice, but out of great fear. Lucius led Draco into his office. Draco took a deep breath, he hoped that his father wasn't going to led him into the dungeons. When Lucius moved toward the large wooden door, Draco's fears were confirmed. His father was taking him into the dungeon._

_Once they arrived into the basement, Draco braced himself for a vicious attack. His father suddenly turned around, his eyes ablaze._

_"You're a disgrace! Nothing will become of you!" Lucius said as he grabbed Draco by the neck, slamming the boy into a stone wall. Concealing a gasp, Draco closed his eyes, containing the pain that was now throbbing through his body. He didn't even know why Lucius was raving madly against him, it didn't make any sense._

_"Father, I don't understand!" Draco shouted, only to get slammed against the wall again. This time, his head cracked up against it, making a sharp pain ricochet continually. Opening his eyes, his vision stayed blurred as he watched his father pull out his wand. "Crucio!" He screamed with the uttermost hatred. Draco's body hit the ground and his arms started flailing around crazily trying to get his mind off of the pain. But he couldn't. The curse felt like it was tearing apart all of his organs and muscles within his body. He couldn't breathe. All he could do from screaming out was biting down painfully on his bottom lip. His body kept smacking hard against the ground, succumbing to the painful convulsions. He couldn't let himself scream out. He couldn't show his father that he was weak. But it happened. A blood curdling scream came from Draco's lips. It was the scream of disappointment, of sadness, and of disbelief._

_Lucius relieved his son of the curse. Draco had little time to catch his breath before his father started beating him relentlessly with his cane. Draco could feel the cane ripping through his thin shirt, leaving deep wounds upon his body…_

_--End Flashback--_

Draco found himself shuddering and shivering manically. Lost within his nightmares, he realized that he was lying in his bed. Feeling nauseated, he ran to the bathroom as quickly as legs permitted him to move. Collapsing in front of a toilet, he felt surges of bile rise within this throat. The bitter tasting substance found itself in his mouth and eventually in toilet in front of him. Gasping, he forced himself to stop throwing up. Wiping his mouth, he closed his eyes, trying to control his body racking shivers.

"Draco?"

"What do you want, Blaise?"

"With you rushing into the boy's lavatory, right passed me, without noticing me, and then emptying the contents of your stomach in the toilet, I imagine I'd like to know if you're all right."

Draco opened his eyes, staring at his companion. "I'm fine." The blonde flushed the toilet and limped passed his friend, realizing how much the running and throwing up aggravated his injuries. He laid back down on his bed. He closed the curtains around his bed and pulled his blanket up to his chin. He didn't want to be alive at that point in time. He simply wished he was dead.

* * *

Harry and Hermione walked toward the school. They had sat outside for three hours, basking in the warm autumn air. As soon as they reentered the school, hands clasped, Hermione could feel Harry's demeanor change instantly. His grasp and his stance completely changed. Hermione stopped him and turned him to face her.

"It'll be all right." She kissed him tenderly, the gutsiest move that Hermione had ever done when it concerned a boy. "No matter what happens in Dumbledore's office tonight, I'll be there with you. And I'll be there for you afterward." Harry smiled, as he visibly relaxed. "Now, let's go see Remus and find out when that stupid meeting is." Hermione's sudden audacity shocked even her, but she wasn't going to let anyone take advantage of Harry, especially not Dumbledore.

The couple quickly walked to Remus' classroom to find Ron sitting in there, talking with the werewolf. Hermione felt her heart racing, especially since Ron hadn't known anything about Harry's condition. What if Remus had asked him about it, only to be clueless?

When Hermione saw the look on Ron's face, the Gryffindor knew that Moony had told Ron about the secrets Harry and she had been withholding from everyone.

"I suppose I'm not good enough to know anything." His voice was anything but defeated.

Remus interjected before could go on, "Now Ron, I thought we decided you'd handle this matter maturely. Hermione and Harry had excellent reasons for not saying anything." Hermione was in disbelief; Remus didn't completely believe those reasons were valid earlier

Hermione looked over at Harry; this was one of those times where she couldn't read his expression. His eyes laid as dead as they had the first time she had seen him that summer.

"Why didn't you tell me anything?" The female Gryffindor knew that the question was more directed toward Harry than herself. "Am I that untrustworthy? Am I not important?"

Hermione could see Harry getting angry, for what reasons she didn't know. "Why is everything about you! You want know why I didn't tell you anything! I didn't tell you anything because I'm tired of my weaknesses being known by everyone. Then I get pity and sympathy from my friends and my acquaintances. I don't want pity or sympathy from anyone. I just want to be Harry. I don't want to be Harry Potter; I don't want to be The-Bloody-Boy-Who-Lived! I just want to be me and with everyone constantly knowing that there's something wrong, it's harder to pretend that everything's all right! I'm sick of everyone playing with my weaknesses. I'm just sick of everything. I don't want to save the effing world from Voldemort. I don't want to live this life. It's nothing but hardships and death. How would you like it if someone you loved died because of you? Ron, you wouldn't like it! Your sister, who I know you blamed yourself for, ended up being all right. Sirius isn't all right. Sirius is dead and gone forever. WOULD YOU LIKE THAT ON YOUR CONSCIENCE?" His face was completely red with anger, and his breathing was labored. "Remus, when is the meeting with Dumbledore?" His calm façade fell back into place.

"After dinner," Came the simple response from Moony. The green-eyed teenager nodded and walked out the door, indicating to Hermione he wanted her to come with him. She was torn because she felt like she should explain some things to Ron, but her instincts told her to leave with Harry. Sending Ron an apologetic look, she strolled out behind Harry. A silence once again found the two. Hermione couldn't find herself saying anything after Harry had blown up like that.

Harry stopped walking, "I've never heard you so quiet before." There was amusement within his voice, but Hermione just couldn't shake the words he made bluntly stated in Remus' classroom. "What's wrong?"

Hermione didn't trust her voice; she didn't want to say something wrong. Angering Harry further wouldn't help anything at all. "Your words were bitter."

"Did you expect anything different?" She shook her head. "That's how I really feel."

"I know."

"Then why are you utterly shocked by my behavior?"

"I would prefer to discuss this somewhere else, possibly somewhere privately." Harry nodded, knowing exactly where they could go. The Room of Requirement wasn't too far away from where the couple was standing. Once at the spot, Harry walked past the spot three times thinking of somewhere to have an important conversation. When the room appeared, it was perfect. The room was small and quaint with a large sofa and a roaring fire. The teens entered the room and positioned themselves on the couch.

"Now, why were you shocked by my behavior if you know that's how I really feel?"

Hermione looked at Harry, unsure if her words would sound correct, "Ron's one of your best friends, Harry. I felt pretty distressed after your ranting, how do you think Ron felt?" She looked down, avoiding eye contact with her companion. Hermione imagined that Harry saw her purposely avoiding his eyes because he moved closer to her and lifted her head to face him.

"He wanted to know the truth. He doesn't think sometimes, you know that. He didn't consider anything except why he wasn't informed about my newest catastrophe. His concern was with not being told, not where it should've been. He should have been concerned about the hardship that I'm currently facing. I'll patch up my friendship with Ron, I always do. However, right now, I feel socially inept, where I don't want to communicate with everyone that claims concern or compassion. I need to figure out what's wrong with me before I can continue on like nothing's wrong." Hermione nodded, understand what Harry was trying to say. "Besides, the only person I currently need is right here with me." She smiled, laughing lightly.

After that, the two remained silent. Dinner was hours away, but they felt most content sitting in the Room of Requirement, cuddling close to each other, staring into the fireplace.

* * *

Once again, sorry about the long wait.


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